


Beneath the Façade

by SophiaDreith



Series: Creatures behind Masks [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Mind Manipulation, Obsessive Behavior, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-09 11:59:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5539100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaDreith/pseuds/SophiaDreith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She never saw his face; the man who haunted her dreams. He wore a mask and she couldn't run far enough or fast enough to escape him.</p><p>This isn't a love story. This is a story about obsession, manipulation and the fall from grace. </p><p>*Make sure to read 'Creatures behind Masks' before this fic*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of a previous prologue fic called [Creatures behind Masks](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5466581/chapters/12636128). The story deviates from the interrogation scene and becomes an AU after that. If you haven't read that one this fic won't make a whole lot of sense. There is also [Her Armor was as Jewels](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5469677/chapters/12641660) which is a side story that covers Hux and Phasma and is set in this same storyline. Additionally, [Disguised Reality](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5950261/chapters/13677361) which picks up after Chapter 14 of this fic and details Poe and Finn's interactions.
> 
>   
>   
> I may have had a bit too much fun with photoshop. lol.

Kylo Ren watched quietly as officer after officer came before Supreme Leader Snoke, and attempted to dispel the man’s wrath over the loss of Starkiller Base. They knelt, trembling on the uneven and cracked red marble floor before the thin, pasty man. The throne room of the Supreme Leader was as dank and decrepit as the man himself. Time and neglect had turned the once beautiful space into a hollow shell of its former glory. The shuttering voice of the officers faded and Kylo allowed his mind to wander as he stood. He eyed the damaged room and tried to imagine what the crumbling mosaics and faded frescos must have looked like when they’d been fresh and vibrant. 

The entire temple must have once been a beacon of beauty and learning within the Force, but like this throne room, the rest of the complex was just as ravaged by time and the elements. Strangely, Snoke seemed to place very little importance on the aesthetics of the ruin, merely concerning himself with its structural integrity instead. It baffled the Knight but he spent so little time on Korriban that he honestly didn’t care past the idle thoughts of his bored mind.

He had already made his report and now stood among the other Knights listening to his master wax on about the massive failure of his First Order and of Kylo Ren, himself. Snoke also hadn’t been happy with the loss of Skywalker or the girl on top of their crushing defeat. Kylo had felt the bruising presence of the other Knights weighing on him. No doubt, they’d hoped to witness his downfall; both in the eyes of the Supreme Leader and in his position as master. 

He made no more excuses for his failings--he would not give them the satisfaction. But his inability to complete his mission was not without its gains--Kylo had shown his master the _ girl. _ The untrained scavenger who had defeated the master of the Knights of Ren. He’d not had the opportunity to fight her physically but that would come in time. Her mind, however . . . She had the strongest mind that he’d ever encountered outside his master. 

Snoke had apparently agreed. “Yet another loss for the Order and the Knights,” he murmured quietly.

Snoke had not seemed angry so much as tired. As if he’d expected such a spectacular failure from his forces and couldn’t be bother to even act surprised. Kylo gritted his teeth. He felt again that same dejection that had plagued him since he was a boy--his inability to do anything right. To rise above the expectations of his family and then his master. Perhaps Kylo was destined fit nowhere . . . to be alone.

He’d banished those dark thoughts in the wake of the gloating and malice that bore down on him from those who were meant to serve him. There was no purpose in dwelling on such things. 

Kylo had looked up at his master. “She is not lost to us  _ yet _ . Part of myself remains within her mind,” he asserted, keeping his voice carefully neutral.

The Supreme Leader had paused, his eyes moving slowly over Kylo’s kneeling form as he raised a brow. “I can feel your intentions; your wish to commune with this girl . . . to teach her the ways of the Force. Is the master of my Knights ready to take another apprentice?” Snoke inquired, almost gently.

The tone had instantly put Kylo on edge and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from grimacing at the question. It had not been his intention for Snoke to pick up on something like that. It was far too intimate a detail, as to take an apprentice was to tie yourself to another. He could not help reaching out with the Force towards his first, and as yet only, apprentice. Jecek’s presence was almost a void in the ever flowing energy of the Force. He felt his apprentice and took some strength from the steady mind of the other man.

His first apprentice was a powerful warrior who stood above the weak and overconfident rabble that permeated the ranks of the Knights of Ren. Many thought that because they could swing a lightsaber, that they were somehow immune to death. But they were barely more than the padawans they’d been under Skywalker and were too lazy or too stupid to increase their knowledge of the Force. But Jecek . . . He’d always thirsted for _ more _ . Had driven himself and honed his power to a lethal edge--one which the other Knights kept well away from. Even now, as Kylo pulled away, Jecek was rebuilding his shields and Kylo once again only felt the void. The other Knight kept his thoughts and plans close, as Kylo had taught him. 

The scavenger was as different from Jecek as night was to day. Kylo could feel her still, her effervescent mind and presence dancing around the edges of his senses. Drawing him to her with her shining light. It made him want to snuff it out--to turn the radiance into poison. He’d felt a glimmer of what that would be like when he’d entered her mind and wallowed in the crushing loneliness that had defined her existence for so long. 

That was all but gone now after having been reunited with her comrades in the Resistance. But he still felt her fear--of  _ him _ and the darkness that he’d used to try and break her. Fear would make her easy to mould, but it would eventually need to be dealt with. He’d cure her of her unease and she would welcome the power that came with becoming a Knight. _ His Knight _ .

Kylo had already begun tapping into their weak connection. It had taken much of his strength to plant the seeds of doubt from so far away and to make the thoughts seem as though they were her own. He couldn’t allow her to go to Luke Skywalker--not yet. Not until Kylo had turned her to his cause. It would have to be soon though, lest his uncle track her down first.

His mouth twisted in irritation. None of this should have happened. She should have been here on Korribann or on one the many secret planets he kept for training and escape. It was a blow to him that she’d been freed from his own command shuttle but in the end, it didn’t matter. Kylo took a steadying breath. Either with or without Snoke’s permission, he would find her. But he didn’t allow his mind to dwell on his plans for her or the future. He released his thoughts into the Force, erasing them from existence. He couldn’t allow Snoke become suspicious of him. 

Not yet. Not until he was ready.

When the last official had left the throne room, all was silent. Snoke’s mood was capricious at best. While his face made nothing clear about his current state of mind, no one wanted to test it. However, Kylo had plans that needed to be set into motion. He felt the eyes of a hundred Knights upon him as he stepped away from the loose circle they’d made around the edge of the throne room. Their judgement and gleeful thoughts of his demise should he say the wrong thing itched at his mind but he ignored them.

Kylo Ren came forward and knelt before Snoke. “Supreme Leader. I request permission to pursue the scavenger girl,” he proclaimed as he looked up at the scarred man.

Snoke did not seem surprised to hear this but he did not seem angry, either. “This is not the most opportune time for such an excursion,” he intoned. 

Kylo pressed forth. “Master, she has left the Resistance and is vulnerable now. I can still find Skywalker.”

The Supreme Leader sat back in his throne. “You think she will lead you to him? After she rebuffed you before?” Snoke asked as he watched the Knight almost placidly.

The reminder of his defeat irked him. “I intend to try a different tactic this time,” Kylo argued. He shoved his own doubts away and kept his resolve firm, even in his own mind. He would do what was necessary to bring the scavenger into the fold.

Snoke laughed, sensing his intentions. “You would parade yourself in front of the Resistance?” he asked, his tone mocking.

But Kylo would not allow himself to be deterred. “My mother is not sentimental. She would have very few keepsakes of me. As long as I keep well away from her, any others can be made to forget me. I will stay close to the girl and groom her to be a Knight. Eventually she will lead me to Skywalker and I will kill him.”

The cavernous room was silent as Snoke regarded him critically. “You are very confident in your abilities. Be careful that they are not misplaced, lest the master of the Knights of Ren loses his position.” The Supreme Leader’s voice was deceptively light.

Kylo’s face twitched in anger--at the doubt he felt from his master and the malice that saturated the minds of the Knights who looked on quietly. They were nothing. He would watch them all all burn before he allowed himself to fail again. He was in her mind, now. There was no escape from him this time. He voiced none of these thoughts, however, as he waited for Snoke’s decision.

The Supreme Leader broke eye contact with him and waved his hand almost lazily. “Go. Find your scavenger girl. When she is ready, bring her before me.”

Kylo bowed his head. “As you command.”

He stood and turned to leave, his footsteps echoing in the vast throne room. The thread of jealousy and anger from the other Knights rolled over him and he smirked. He knew they had hoped to devour him in the wake of Star Killer base as if he was a hobbled animal surrounded by hungry wolves. But they were merely sheep who followed blindly after the Supreme Leader. He would return with his new apprentice and cement his position within this new Order.

Kylo had made it to the entryway when Snoke’s voice called out softly, “Be wary, my Knight. The light side will call to you. Do not succumb.”

Kylo paused for a few seconds. “I will not fail.”

The Knight left the throne room and the almost overpowering field of dark energies that came when so many dark-side Force users were so close to one another. The more powerful the person was with the dark side of the Force, the harder it was for other users to be close by. It was why Snoke would not allow them to become true sith. They would destroy each other.

The rest of the palace was just as wretched as the throne room, though there were workers dotted through the hallways repairing the most pressing areas of damage. He did not see many other people as most of the men and women within the First Order actively avoided the palace. The place was usually teeming with Knights and while Kylo’s temper was fairly legendary, he was far from the only one to take his anger out on physical objects or people. 

He stepped around a fallen column as he entered the wing of the palace that housed his quarters. The chambers of the master of the Knights of Ren were close to the throne room and the seat of power within the First Order so he arrived quickly. He entered and closed the door behind him, leaving him truly alone for the first time in days. Kylo nearly slumped back against the doors but even in the privacy of his rooms, he didn’t allow that kind of weakness. He stood even straighter as he looked over the lavishly dark furnishings offset by patterned silver wall paper and chrome accents.

He hadn’t chosen the décor but he’d eventually come to appreciate the look, especially after the years he’d spent aboard the First Order’s Star Destroyers with their cramped and austere sleeping quarters. Hux might like grey metal walls and cold floors but Kylo much preferred luxury. 

Kylo’s gloves came off first, falling to the floor in small heaps. He walked over to the massive bed and stood before it for a few seconds before reaching up and pressing down on the clasp that held his mask in place. The Knight lifted it as he drew in a breath of unfiltered air. He cracked his neck and he dropped the helmet onto the bed before looking over at his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror beside the bathroom.

He looked terrible. Dirt and dried sweat clung to his skin, and his clothing was covered in holes, exposing his injuries, more specifically the white wrappings that covered the blaster burn on his side. But that wasn’t what made him turn away quickly. His face; especially his eyes. He  _ hated _ them. They were too expressive and gave him away far more easily than he wished. Snoke had been the one to comment on it and so he’d begun wearing a mask.

But those eyes . . . That weakness. He would need that when he found her. The scavenger, despite her rough upbringing, was a bleeding heart. She would not be able to help herself if she encountered a person in need. And she would cling to anyone who showed her and ounce of kindness in return. He removed all of his clothing, dropping the dark fabric bit by bit on the floor as he walked to the ‘fresher. He hadn’t bathed in a few days and while no one would dare comment on it, he’d known that his smell had hung in the air during the flight back to Korriban and then during his subsequent reports to the Supreme Leader.

Kylo stepped into the ‘fresher and stood there as the mist enveloped him and removed all the dirt and oils that had accumulated on his skin. He went through it twice just to be sure that he’d removed the stench that had clung to him as he wasn’t sure when the next time that he’d be able to use a ‘fresher would come. His plans were already forming in his mind. It would not take him long to find her, but his next steps would need to be carefully planned and executed. He felt her fear through their connection. She would run from the Resistance. 

_ Straight into the waiting arms of Kylo Ren. _

He packed up a few sets of his plainest clothing along with a non-descript blaster that he’d taken off the corpse of Force-sensitive man who’d refused to join the Knights. Kylo dressed himself quickly, pulling on a pair of worn boots that he’d been about to throw away. He also pulled a fresh set of his Knight’s robes and mask along with his crossguard lightsaber and put them in another bag. He might need them later.

The Knight looked around his chambers contemplating if he was forgetting anything, and he once again caught sight of his reflection. Kylo shook his head and pulled an old scarf and a pair of goggles from a trunk, using both to cover his face. It was quite possible that he might spend months or even years building a cover for himself with the girl and potentially her organization. He’d avoid his mother of course, but she’d sent him away at a rather young age so very few people would connect the gangly boy he’d been with the Knight he was now. He’d been careful over the last decade to keep his mask on when in the company of anyone else, even allies. Kylo would not allow it all to be undone because a storm trooper might recognize him. He swung the bags over his shoulder and walked out of the room. 

A darkly cloaked figure waited for him outside.

Kylo didn’t even blink as Jecek Ren looked over his clothing. “What are you doing here, apprentice?”

The other Knight’s head tilted, the swirling design in his ornate mask gleaming even in the low light of the hall.

“I would accompany you on your journey,  _ master _ ,” Jecek said patiently.

Kylo sighed. “No. I need you here within the Order.”

Jecek took a step forward. “I can assi-”

“You will get in my way!” Kylo barked.

The other Knight’s hands clenched into tight fists by his side. “Why is this girl so important to you?” Jecek asked, his words barely more than a whisper.

Kylo moved closer to his former apprentice and lifted his bare hand. Jecek removed his glove and brought his fingers up until they brushed Kylo’s. The bond between master and apprentice allowed their thoughts to be one mind, and Kylo allowed Jecek to move through his plans for their future. Direct transfer was the only way to ensure that Snoke would not pick up on his treasonous thoughts.

Jecek was silent as he processed the information before pulling his hand back and covering his fingers again. “I will do as you ask, master.”

Kylo nodded. “I know you will. We will see each other again when game has been won.”

Jecek nodded in return and Kylo turned away. His footsteps were light as he made his way out of the his wing and through the palace. The main hanger wasn’t far. Any troopers that thought to stop him promptly forgot his very existence and he arrived quickly. He stood with a group of the trooper spies disguised in civilian clothing for a few minutes as he looked around for a vessel. Though his attention was on his mission, he could not help but overhear the thoughts of one of them.

Hux had apparently secretly ordered the destruction of the transport ship that had carried the bridge crew away from the Starkiller Base. There would be no one left alive to tell the Supreme Leader about the general’s or Phasma’s mistake.

Kylo shook his head smiling slightly at the slippery man’s machinations.  _ She wouldn’t thank him for it _ .

He broke away from them when he found a ship that would suit his purposes and commandeered it easily enough using a data chip signed off on by Kylo Ren. The ship smoothly sailed through the atmosphere and out into space. He hated to lose it but he would have trade it in an outpost for a clean ship that could not be traced back to the First Order. And then it was off to find his lost scavenger.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished the outline of this fic and it clocked in at about 17500 words. The story is all done but it's just the bare bones so I am updating this story as I flesh out the chapters. Please do not be surprised if the chapters change a bit as I'm writing this. Things change when I really work through a story and normally I wouldn't even post this until it's 100% complete but since I don't really post anything because it's never 100% complete IMO, I decided to just start posting this and see how it goes. I hope you enjoy the fic!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that if you haven't read 'Creatures behind Masks', that this fic won't make as much sense without that fic to set it up. As it is, Kylo will show up next chapter but there is a bit more information that needs to be conveyed before they meet. I got this chapter done faster than I had expected so instead of waiting I'm putting it up now. Hopefully, this isn't too wordy.

Snow fell around her as she ran through the forest. It was dark, cold, and her breath fogged before her as she panted harshly. She had never been so cold in her life and the influx of frigid air made her lungs burned. Branches scratched the bare skin of her arms and fallen trees tripped her but she couldn’t stop running. _He_ was behind her, his presence clawing at her back. And despite his almost sedate steps in comparison to her furious pace, he never seemed to be more than a few feet from her. 

Tears streamed down her face as she fought to stay upright--to keep moving. Her body refused to cooperate and before long she was leaning against a tree, suffocating in the cold air. But all that meant nothing. Her frantically moving chest froze even and she couldn’t breath as his darkness washed over her like a wave cresting over rocks. No matter how far or how fast she ran, she could not escape him. He was there, looming over her like the dark creature that he was. He could not be human, not with that voice. Not with that strength. She kept her eyes open as long as she could against the overwhelming force of the monster in the mask. His voice whispered to her; the sound of it filled her senses until she had to look away from him, if only to diffuse the sensation of his smug satisfaction rolling over her.

His presence surrounded her, the darkness creeping around her peripheral vision and the white of the forest fading as he swallowed her very being. But she could not look at that mask. The face of the demon that haunted her. Rey kept her gaze averted even as he drew ever nearer. She tried to keep her attention on the ground--on the bleeding gloom, but a finger came under her chin, lifting her face. Even through her sobbing, she could see him--could feel his obsession with her. He looked at her and all was quiet until and she heard his malicious laughter. She tried to pull away but the red lightsaber pulsed to life and came down upon her and she screamed.

Rey’s eyes snapped open and awareness returned to her and she looked around frantically in search of Kylo Ren. Where was he? White walls and bright lights blinded her after the darkness of the dream. And the whispering . . . It was deafening and her hands came up to try and muffle the noise as she curled in on herself. Everything was too much for her senses to handle. She could feel the very essences of a thousand people as they moved around her, talking, thinking,  _ being, _ and it was driving her crazy. 

She longed for something to quiet the noise, to protect her from this onslaught. And all at once it died down. She felt something wrapping around her mind like a blanket. She sighed in relief as her vision darkened. The darkness . . . Her eyes blinked open and she screamed again.  _ He was in her mind! He was there! _

She heard the door slam open and thoughts of worry and love slammed into her. Her breath was coming in harsh pants and she jumped when a hand came onto her shoulder. He was here to take her again! Rey lashed out, hitting and kicked and yelling obscenities as the darkness receded and  _ everything was so loud. _

Hands squeezed both her shoulders trying to hold her still. “Rey! Rey! It’s me! It’s Finn!” he exclaimed.

She blinked rapidly as her eyes met his and she shook her head. “Are you real?” she asked as she reached up and touched his cheek.

He nodded earnestly. “Yes. Yes, I’m real. You need to calm down. You’re alright.”

But she wasn’t. Not anymore. Her eyes flitted around the room, looking the creature shrouded in darkness. “Where is he? He was here. I  _ felt  _ him!”

Finn shook his head. “No, Rey. No one’s here except me. You were having a nightmare.”

She finally looked over and met Finn’s eyes. “What happened?”

Her friend looked pained for a second before explaining. “You were kidnapped on Takodana by Kylo Ren. We went to Starkiller Base to rescue you but you were already gone.”

Rey thought back and her brow furrowed. Kylo Ren. The interrogation. The needle and the darkness. She nodded slowly. “I remember,” she whispered, blinking as it came to her a bit at the time. “He--he tried to take the map to Luke Skywalker out of my mind, but I kept it from him.”

Finn reached out and took her hand. “You fought off Kylo Ren?” he asked incredulously. “Poe told me that no one would be able to stand up to him.”

She shook her head. “He--he was strong but I think I caught him by surprise. He wasn’t expecting me to be able to do it. But after it happened . . . He wanted to take me back to Snoke.”

Concern suffused Finn’s face and voice. “He told you that?”

She shook her head and swallowed. “No, I . . . could feel his intentions. He didn’t try to hide them from me. He  _ wanted _ me to know what was going to happen.”

Finn nodded, worry clear on his features. “We tracked you to his ship using Phasma’s security codes. You were drugged in a stasis pod.”

She didn’t remember that but she did her best to sift through the few fuzzy things that she could recall. “He was afraid that I would escape,” she began, “I was able to pull more than surface thoughts from his mind. He knew things about the past and the Force and—and how to use it. Things that _ I _ know now.” She stuttered the last part out as she thought over the weak threads of Kylo Ren’s mind that she was able to pull on now. 

Finn was quiet and he put an arm around her, his hand rubbing the bare skin of of her shoulder in comfort. Rey did her best to sort through the tangled mess of her thoughts and emotions. She didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Everything was so convoluted and all she wanted was peace. Finn’s hand on her was like an anchor holding her steady during a turbulent storm and she could not help but latch onto it--to him. His mind . . . it was soothing and warm; like a campfire on a cold night--passionate but caring and contained. She couldn’t help but try to immerse herself into his mind and mingle her thoughts with his. She could feel his worry for her as well as the lingering romantic feelings. She smiled but ignored that when something else filtered through.

Before their conversation, she had felt others around them; all through the base. Her eyes narrowed. But there were several close by, in the next room over perhaps. Their thoughts chattering away but . . . They were talking about her, about what she’d just told Finn.  _ They were watching.  _ They wanted to know why Kylo Ren would be interested in her. What she might have told him while he had her and if she was a liability to the Resistance. But most importantly, a single emotion permeated the area around her . . . Sadness. Much of the base was in mourning.

She looked back over at Finn sharply. “Han Solo. What happened to him?”

Finn pulled his hand from her, his brows knitting in confusion. “Solo . . . how do you know about him?”

She didn’t need physical contact with Finn to sense the pain and guilt radiating from the ex-storm trooper. “You’re thinking about him . . . he’s—he’s gone and you don’t know how to tell me. What happened?”

Finn’s mouth twisted into something ugly. “Kylo Ren happened.”

Her eyes widened and her world shattered. “What?”

“Kylo Ren’s real name is Ben Solo. He’s Han and General Organa’s son. Han tried to convince him to leave the First Order and Ren repaid him by running him through with his lightsaber. I saw the whole thing.”

Tears welled up and a few fell down her face. “That’s . . . he can’t be gone.”

Finn pulled her to him and hugged her as she buried her face in his neck. But it was only a few seconds before he hissed in pain and she pulled away.

She tried to get a look. “Are you alright?”

Finn nodded. “I’m fine, but Ren got me in back,” he said with a grimace of remembered pain. “He would have killed me but the planet started splitting apart.”

That caught her attention. “What? The _ planet?” _

He swallowed, his mind far away. “Starkiller Base is gone. We won.”

It was too much information for her to really process. “We won . . . But Han . . . By his own son.”

The ex-trooper looked away. “Yeah. It’s pretty messed up,” he murmured sadly.

Rey took in a deep shaky breath and pulled away. “I—I need some air.”

Finn inclined his head and helped her up. “I’ll take you around the base. I’m sure you’re hungry and there’s a couple people who want to meet you.”

Rey looked up at him and her lips thinned. She didn’t want to hear any more about what had happened. Han was gone and all she could hear in her mind were the whispered memories of how the older man would have  _ disappointed _ her. But the only person she was disappointed in was herself. If she’d been able to stop Ren, Han Solo would still be alive. If she’d been stronger, she could have kept this creeping cold feeling from slithering through her mind. It was _ his _ fault. Everything was  _ Kylo Ren’s _ fault.

She could hear the threads of thoughts around the med bay. They wanted to speak to her but Rey just wanted to be alone. It was almost more than she could bare. She said nothing, however. What  _ could _ she say? She was alive because of these people; the least she could do was have a conversation.

They walked out out of the stark white room and the hallway was far less bright. Rey sighed in relief. Her senses were still taking a pounding but having Finn there was helping. The walls and floors of the corridors were a dull slate blue metal that did very little to reflect the dim lights that dotted the ceiling. Normally, she’d have found the place rather creepy, but for now it was a welcome respite.

Finn lead her through the base, pointing things out to her. Eventually they ended up in one of the many large hangers, and Rey was able to see all the Resistance pilots and their ships. It was everything she’d spent her childhood dreaming about and more. She spotted a helmet sitting on top of a rolling cart beside a ship and she couldn’t help running her fingers over the smooth shell. It was different than her old one but it was so alike that it brought back the well of memories that she’d been pushing away since she began this adventure.

Finn allowed her to stand there in silence as she lost herself in thought. She could hear the thoughts of the owner of the helmet as he looked over at her. A man by the name of Snap. He was confused as to why a pretty girl was standing there touching his helmet but he was polite enough to let her be. 

She was shaken from her reverie by the tell-tale squeaking of a droid. BB-8 came rolling up to her beeping enthusiastically, and she instantly knelt down to his level. 

“I’ve missed you as well, BB-8,” she said with a laugh.

The orange droid sent a few more chirps and she smiled. “I’m alright now, thank you for asking. But I’m so glad you made it here.”

BB-8 was about to respond when a handsome man in an orange flight suit jogged up to them. “Hey, you’re Rey, right?”

She didn’t recognize him but she smiled anyway. “Yes, that’s right.”

He held out his hand to her. “I’m Poe Dameron.”

Her grin widened and her brows raised as she shook his hand. “BB-8’s friend? I thought you were dead.” She turned to look back at her friend, who was eyeing Poe in a way that Rey couldn’t quite identify.

Finn looked sheepish, though. “I may have been a bit hasty about that.”

Poe threw an arm around the ex-trooper, “Eh, this guy didn’t know any better.”

She could feel something between them--a spark that burned brightly. They were a matched set, mentally, and would almost assuredly be best friends for the rest of their lives. It might even evolve into something else, judging by the way the pilot thought about Finn.

Poe’s eyes narrowed a bit but he didn’t drop his smile, and she withdrew completely from him. It probably wasn’t the most polite thing to start rooting around people’s psyche but the longer she was awake, the more natural it was becoming for her. 

The pilot turned to Finn. “She hungry?” He spoke quickly and turned his head back to her and said just as quickly, “you hungry?”

Rey nodded her head. “I feel like I could eat a grestolian bull ox.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I been there. Let’s go get some grub.”

The trio walked towards the mess and Rey felt the eyes of many of the base’s inhabitants on them. She supposed they were an odd group; an ex-stormtrooper, a kidnapped scavenger, and the best pilot in the fleet. They got their meals easily enough and sat down at a table off to the side.

The scavenger girl knew it was a pasta dish of some kind but she’d never actually seen anything like it before and wasn’t sure how to eat it. Poe looked at her, looking at her meal in confusion and the pilot took pity on her and reached over and unwrapped a utensil kit and showed it to her.

He held one of them out to her. “You use this to eat that.”

She picked up the one he held and examined it. She’d always used her fingers to eat but this utensil had a flat head with four prongs like a trident. She looked at it and then back at the food, considering. Rey would fully admit that she didn’t have the best eating habits in the galaxy. What use did a scavenger living in an AT-AT have for table manners? But she tried to use it anyway.

With little success.

The guys looked at each other before Finn picked up his own utensils and she was gratified that he didn’t tease her as he explained and showed her how to use a fork, knife, and spoon. She copied his motions and picked it up quickly. Within minutes, she was practically shoveling her food down, barely pausing to take a drink of her vitamin water every once in awhile. In her defense, it had been awhile since her last real meal; a few days at least.

Finn and Poe sat across from her and she felt their eyes on her as she ate as much of the food as possible. They weren’t eating and they instead sat there holding their forks in the air as if they didn’t know what to do with them. She finished quickly and would have licked the tray but she thought that might perhaps be a bit much, even for her.

Poe looked between her face and the empty trey a few times before elbowing Finn, laughing. “Your girlfriend can sure pack it away, Finn.”

“I’m not his girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

They both spoke at the same time and Poe looked thoughtful. “Hey, whatever works. Anyway, Rey, the general has been waiting for you to wake up.”

Rey looked up, curious. “General Organa? Why would she care about me?”

Poe shrugged. “She cares about anything to do with her son. He was interested in you and that makes you interesting to her.”

Rey wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. In her mind, Kylo Ren was the boogeyman, a faceless monster that crept through the shadows with the aim to cause as much destruction and pain as he could. She’d only been inside his mind for a few seconds but she’d felt enough to know he was a dichotomy of light and dark, the raging chaos within his mind slowly eating away at his sanity.

The idea that the son of Han Solo and General Organa had turned out in such a way was almost unfathomable to her, especially after meeting Han in person. Kylo Ren was completely devoid of human decency and compassion while Han was almost the personification of such emotions. And if even half the stories of the general were true, the former princess was strong and loving person who put the health and wellbeing of everyone else before herself. So what had caused such a vast rift between a son and his parents?

Rey was shaken from her thoughts when Poe spoke again. “The general thinks you have Force sensitivity.”

Finn looked over at her. “Is that what happened when he tried to take the map from your mind? That’s how you were able to keep it from him?”

She tried shrugging it off. “He wasn’t expecting it,” she said nonchalantly.

Poe looked uncomfortable with the mention of her interrogation. “If you were able to stand up to him, you definitely tapped into  _ something. _ He packs a bit of a wallop.”

Rey didn’t say anything more but nodded. Having Ren in her mind was probably the single most physically painful moment of her life and even now, she felt a piece of him  _ wriggling  _ around her mind like a worm. So far she’d been able to keep it away from the main portion of her mind, trapping it far from her consciousness.

Rey waited for the boys to finish eating and they chatted about lighter topics like Finn’s upcoming training session with Poe to teach him to fly. Poe was gazing at Finn like the ex-trooper had hung the moon and Rey smiled. 

Eventually though, they finished and it was time for her to meet General Organa. Their small group got up and discarded the trays before making their way back inside the main complex. While they walked, Finn let her know that Luke Skywalker’s old droid had come out of low power mode and was able to complete the map to find the last Jedi.

“Has anyone gone to find him?” she asked.

Poe shook his head. “No, after what happened with Han Solo, and then with you and Kylo Ren, the higher ups thought it best to wait until you woke up to find out what, if anything, that he’d managed to get from you.”

She nodded and they came to a set of double doors that slid smoothly open to reveal the command room. Her eyes darted about at all the people walking around and working. Some glanced up at her, their eyes lingering for a few seconds before moving back to their tasks. She spotted various recognizable faces that had been immortalized after the war before her gaze met that of General Leia Organa.

She was a petite woman with her hair in a braid around her head almost like a crown. The general gave her a small smile and beckoned her closer. “Hello, you must be Finn’s friend, Rey. Welcome.”

They shook hands and the general looked back at her escorts. “Rey and I have some things to discuss. I’ll take care of her and then get her back to you in a bit.”

Finn and Poe both nodded turned to go talk to a girl with blond hair in two small buns. Rey’s eyes lingered on them but she eventually had to turn back to the general. The older woman gestured for her to follow her into a side room. It was obviously Leia’s office. There were images of her with other people on the walls as well as awards for service and valor presented by the New Republic. She recognized a few of the people from the room outside but others were unfamiliar. She could not help but wonder if any of them were the true face of her son, Kylo Ren.

Leia went behind her desk and sat down and Rey did the same. They were quiet for a few seconds before the general spoke. “I heard you were able to keep Kylo Ren from taking the information about Luke from your mind.”

Rey nodded. “He tried to break my mind open but in doing so he left himself open. I went back at him. He was caught off guard.” She tried to keep her tone dismissive as she’d rather not be taken as something more powerful than she truly was.

The general eyed her. “Were you able to get anything from him?” she questioned.

The scavenger shook her head. “Not much. His mind is chaos . . . like a raging storm.” She paused and tried to get her thoughts in order. “He-he worships Darth Vader and longs to be something called a Sith.” Recalling the poisonous word was unpleasant.

Leia sat back in her chair with a sigh. “Vader was the last of the Sith Lords. They were a sect of Force-users that relied the dark side, but they died out with Vader. There aren’t any more.”

“The Knights of Ren—” she began. 

The general waved that off. “Acolytes. Worshipers of the Sith. It’s obvious they aren’t true Sith because there are so many of them. For over a thousand years, there has only ever been two Sith simultaneously. The dark side . . . It consumes them to such a degree that they always kill each other. So at any given time, there was only two Sith: a master and an apprentice.”

She thought of Kylo’s devotion to the being he considered his master. “Supreme Leader Snoke; he’s not a Sith?”

The general shook her head. “I have my suspicions about him but one can only truly be a Sith if they are granted a title by their master after completing their training. Darth Plagueis gave the Emperor Palpatine the title of Darth Sidious. And Sidious killed his master before taking many apprentices that were all killed by the Jedi Order. That is, until Darth Vader joined with him. But Snoke has never declared a title.”

Rey inclined her head. “I’m sorry I can’t be more help to you.”

Leia nodded in understanding. “That’s alright. You kept the information away from the First Order. That’s more than enough. Though . . . I’m afraid I have a request for you.”

Rey smiled. “Anything.”

General Organa returned her smile with a small one of her own. “I’d like you to go with Chewbacca and see Luke. I want you to learn from him. Luke tried to restore the Jedi Order but failed, and he hasn’t been the same since. If you go to him to seek his teachings, perhaps that will help him to rediscover the galaxy. We need him.”

Rey listened and felt a swell of hope for a few seconds before her stomach dropped and she shook her head in sadness. “I—I . . . You don’t know how much I want to do that. How much I would give to be able to learn from Luke Skywalker. To be a Jedi . . . ”

Leia’s eyes narrowed slightly. “But.”

“I can still feel him.” She pointed to her head. “Up here. When I forced him out of my mind and severed the connection, it’s like he wasn’t able to retract himself fast enough and something was left behind.”

The general’s eyes widened. “You can feel him, then: Kylo Ren.”

Rey looked away in shame. “Yes. I dreamt of him before. It scares me. If he is able to find me . . . If I go to Luke--I could lead Ren straight to him. I think it’s best if I stay away from him and the Resistance.”

Leia seemed pensive. “That is troubling news. But Luke can take care of himself.”

Rey shook her head. “If the First Order comes with their ships and rain complete destruction on the planet, it won’t end well. But . . . if you go to him, maybe you can convince him to help me. I just don’t want to blindly seek him out if he is wanting privacy and isolation.”

Leia nodded. “I understand. What will you do then? If you’d like to go home, that may be a bit difficult. Jakku is well inside First Order territory and they have been tightening their borders since the destruction of Starkiller Base. You are welcome to stay here, of course. There is no security risk as the First Order is quite aware of this location at this point.”

The scavenger shrugged. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to stay here, either. If he somehow is able to infiltrate my mind later, I could become a liability to you. I was thinking of heading back to Takodana and seeing if I could find work as a pilot or mechanic.”

Leia’s eyes softened. “That’s a rough life, working in those circles.”

Rey shrugged. “I’ve done rough work all my life. At least now, I can do it and see the galaxy as well.”

General Organa nodded. “I’ll have Chewie give you a lift there but you will always be welcome here, you need only contact me and I can have a ship there to get you.”

They stood up and shook hands with Rey thanking the general. “I appreciate you helping me.”

Leia smiled and hugged her. “Think nothing of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't intended to throw that sith history lesson in there but something I've been seeing in other fics is people calling Kylo Ren a sith. He isn't one, not by a long shot. He wishes he was one because to be a sith is to purge all empathy and compassion and it's those emotions warring with his desire to feel nothing that are tearing him apart. He and the knights worship the sith but saying that because he uses the dark side of the force makes him a sith is like saying that since someone is German, that they are a Nazi. It's not true and that's just one of those things that throws me out of a fic. :/
> 
> Also, I freely acknowledge that I am a massive Star Wars nerd and I do sometimes make connections to the older movies which I try to be subtle about and not really say it directly. But I worry it may come off as confusing without the background info so if anything is unclear, please please ask me about it below in the comments. You doing so let's me know that I need to address the issue in the next chapter or re-work some stuff so that we're all on the same page. ^.^


	3. Chapter 3

Rey scrubbed the counter in Maz’s bar, not really for the purpose of cleaning but more to keep herself busy. So far the customers that day hadn’t been too bad and she’d only had to listen to the bellyaching of one freighter pilot who was also trying to hit on her. But he was mostly harmless so she smiled at his drunken fumbling as he attempted to be suave.

He leaned over the bar, the girth of his chin brushing the newly cleaned surface. “Baby, you’s the prettiest thing this side of the eastern reaches--not like my ex. She makes a hutt look like a Fressian angel,” he cackled.

Rey nodded and laughed accordingly. Tips were bigger when she played along, at least a little bit. He continued to wax poetic about her face and other physical features but she tuned him out as she began washing and drying a few glasses.  They sparkled in the low light of Maz’s new bar. The vast majority of the large palace was still under construction but the bar had been the first thing erected once more. And despite Rey’s initial doubts, the freighter pilots and smugglers flocked back to the planet to partake in the atmosphere of the ancient palace. 

This new bar was not terribly dissimilar to the original, the same stacked stones were used to construct the walls, though Maz had apparently commissioned stained glass windows with sigils of peoples old and new and there had to be at least two dozen of the tall skinny colorful windows lining the walls of the circular room. The bar lay at the center of the large hall so Rey had an unobstructed view of the entire place.

One of the waitresses walked up and dropped off a few dirty glasses and gave her an order which Rey promptly filled and handed off. It was a job that hadn’t exactly been what she’d had in mind for herself when she landed on Takodana. She’d been saying her goodbyes to Finn, Poe and BB-8 when the petite general had walked up to her.

“I have a favor to ask,” she’d said.

“What is it?” Rey asked, almost eagerly, her guilt at not fulfilling the general’s previous request still fresh in her mind.

General Organa had smiled. “Since you’re headed to Takodana, I wonder if you would do something for me?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Our last informant there was killed in the attack by the First Order. I want to ask if you could perhaps remain there until we can secure a new liaison.”

Reys’ brow furrowed and she bit her lip. “I’m not sure what I would do . . . ” 

“I’ve already spoken to Maz. She’ll have a job there waiting for you,” the general said reassuringly.

Well it was more job security than Rey had had before so she’d nodded before giving the woman one last hug. Chewie had seen her off and Maz had welcomed her with open arms, thankfully not asking questions. That was almost three months ago and so far no one had come to claim the job.

Rey wanted to be annoyed--this wasn’t the type of job that she’d expected and she felt that perhaps she was being taken advantage of. But after the destruction of Hosnian Prime, the Republic was in shambles and the Resistance was focused on other more important things. Plus, even in this small way, helping by sending out reports of gossip once a week was better than doing nothing. To that end, she’d begun using her power to read the people who came into the bar. Anything interested was coded and sent to the Resistance, which probably wasn’t helping to convince them to find someone else.

She’d long since gotten rid of any First Order spies and Maz not only paid her but also allowed her a small room within the newly reconstructed sections of the palace. It was cozy but well furnished with a window that overlooked an overgrown courtyard. Almost everything in there was new as very little had been salvaged from the decimated palace.

Rey looked around the space and while it was obviously not the same as before, the new bar had the same look and feel. When she’d landed, the place had already been well into reconstruction with parts of it already resurrected from the rubble. But there was still a ways to go before it would come close to matching its former glory. It still amazed her what the little yellow alien was able to take in stride without missing a beat.

She’d asked about it and had been told, “Child, when you get to be my age, you rarely get attached as most things don’t last as long as you do.”

Rey had quirked an eyebrow but Maz was already moving off to serve another customer so she’d gotten back to her own work. That had been a few weeks back and about two months into her time on Takodana.

She heard the door open and looked up intending to greet the newcomer with a smile and a ‘hello’ but she stopped. The man was . . . well he was unusual to look at. Obviously human but not classically handsome, to be sure. His face was too long, his nose too large, his lips too wide, his ear too big and his chin too small. His hair was also long, brushing his shoulders in a mess of dark curls. The combination of all of those things should have made him unattractive but they just made him . . . striking.

And his  _ eyes. _ Even from the bar, she could see that they somehow glistened in the flickering low light. It made him appear younger--more innocent. But there was nothing innocent about this man. He didn’t walk, so much as stroll in like he owned the place. He cut a trim figure in his fitted brown pants tucked into well used black boots and a faded olive green shirt hung loosely under a black leather jacket. He was  _ big  _ as well, tall and filled out with muscle and completely unlike the very lean and slender bodies of the people of Jakku.

He stopped on the main landing and didn’t even seem to notice her as he looked around for whomever he was meeting. He seemed familiar with the bar and the people but she’d never seen him there before. She watched as a twi’lek stood up from a corner table and called out a simple, “Hey!”

She’d noticed the twi’lek sitting alone for the better part of an hour nursing his toydarian ale and oozing thoughts of hostility for being made to wait. The dark haired man didn’t acknowledge or seem to care about the open irritation on the twi’lek’s blue face and smiled a lazy smile anyway as he made his way over and sat down across the table.

They began speaking rapidly, hashing out some kind of deal, it seemed. Smuggling, perhaps. Those were the best kinds of secrets. The Resistance liked to know if contraband, especially weapons, were moving through Republic space. She didn’t even need to close her eyes anymore to concentrate on anyone in particular. When she’d first started working there, it had been difficult on most days to keep everyone out but in these last few months, she’d gotten better at separating the thoughts of certain people apart from the rest and she let them flow over her like ripples in a pool. Seeping into the minds of the two men. Or she attempted to.

The twi’lek was easy to read. He had a cargo of spices and ship parts that had been bound for Hosnian Prime but had suddenly found his clients missing when the First Order had destroyed the entire system. His situation was one that she’d heard a number of times since she’d been there. He’d tried to unload his cargo elsewhere but the excessive fluctuation in the value of credits and the unstable shell of a government left in the wake of the senate being vaporized, had caused a serious problem when it came to economic trade as it was difficult to assign a monetary value to much of anything until the currency stabilized. As a result, many merchants were preferring to trade for useful items rather than credits.

The twi’lek was no different. He was looking to barter for rations and fuel that he could take back to his people. The human he was talking to was looking to trade for the items, specifically the ship parts, allegedly to resell on another planet. The twi’lek cared only about making the trade and moving on. So her gaze slid to the human.

He was . . . Her eyes narrowed before widening fractionally. She couldn’t read him! His mind--it was as if no one sat there. She could detect no thoughts of any kind coming from him. Her head tilted in curiosity and she looked around the room at the other patrons and sure enough, she could skim the thoughts of everyone in the bar--everyone except  _ him _ . Her hand stopped moving over the long dried glass and her fingers tightened on the rag. The voice of the drunken freighter pilot faded and the world fell away as everything narrowed to him.

Was he like her? Was the man Force-sensitive? Rey must have been staring too long because he looked over at her and their eyes met. It was only a few seconds but it was almost like he recognized her. She was sure she’d never seen him before--she’d remember a man like that. His gaze tore from hers and he turned back to finish the deal with the twi’lek. He didn’t look back over at her as he got up and walked out.

She instantly dropped the rag and walked past Maz almost in a daze as she followed him. She needed to talk to him--needed to see if she was not alone. Rey caught sight of his back as he made his way towards the new landing pad that Maz had recently installed on the west side of the palace. The small yellow alien hoped that the new landing area would encourage travelers to not mow down the foliage with their thrusters during takeoff and landing.

He rounded a corner and she treaded carefully after him, not sure what she would say if she actually caught up to him. The decision was made for her, though. The corner was a sharp turn so she walked almost blindly into the muzzle of a blaster.

Her eyes were wide as she looked at it and she only heard, “Who are you? Why are you following me?”

She looked up and their gazes met for the second time. She was closer to him this time and she noticed that his eyes were almost two-toned; dark brown ringed in jagged lines by a lighter hazel green. She hadn’t been able to tell before. But they were wide now, the pupils like pin-points and he was clearly stressed. She tried again to read him, not just surface thoughts but deeper. But still, there was nothing. Maybe if she touched his skin?

She must have been silent too long because his words were louder. “Hey, I’m talking to you! What do you want?”

Rey looked back down at the blaster and then his face again. “I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He shook his head, scowling. “Seeing as I’m the one holding the blaster and you’re just standing there, I think only one of us is scared.”

She tilted her head to the side and tried to choose her words carefully. “Fair point. I just wanted . . .”

His tone became impatient. “Wanted to what?”

Rey thought for a second but in the end, she told him the truth. “I . . . I can’t feel your thoughts.”

The blaster trembled only slightly and he looked all at once scared and angry. He held the weapon up closer to her face. “You’re one of  _ them!” _

She held up her hands in surrender and backed away a step. “One of who?”

His brow knitted in confusion. “Those Ren bastards! I’ll kill you or myself before I let you cart me off back to that miserable First Order of yours.”

She took a hasty breath. “I swear I’m not a Knight of Ren!”

His words were slow--angry. “Then  _ who _ are you!”

“I—I’m Rey. I have some sensitivity to the Force, like you.”

His mouth opened and closed before he whispered, “Like me . . .”

She nodded. “Yes, you and I are connected to the Force. That’s why the Knights were after you.”

But he was shaking his head as if unable to understand her. “That’s . . . that’s why?”

Something was wrong with him. She didn’t need her powers to see that he was on the verge of some kind of a breakdown and the words tumbled out before she could stop them. “What happened to you?”

Anger suffused his face and voice. “That’s  _ none  _ of your business.”

She blinked and looked away. It was the wrong thing to ask. “I—I’m sorry. They . . . they took something from me too.”

His eyes looked glassy for a moment. “They took  _ everything _ from me.”

“I’m not one of them,” she said reassuringly.

He lowered the blaster “Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean that being here with you won’t paint a target on my back.”

She couldn’t argue with him there, not with Kylo Ren still haunting her dreams. He turned to leave and she couldn’t help but call out, “Wait!”

He stopped but didn’t turn around. “What?”

Rey swallowed nervously. “I’m sorry. I’ve just never met another Force-sensitive person who wasn’t trying to kill me.”

“Well, you met me. It hasn’t been a pleasure.” He holstered his blaster and began walking away.

She watched him go, unsure what to say but couldn’t help herself from calling out, “What’s your name?”

He didn’t stop or turn around, just waved his hand and called, “Mordechai Lowen!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

Rey carried a tray of drinks through the bar, narrowly sidestepping a bothan who was gesturing wildly to his friends as he told a story about some sort of scrape he’d managed to get himself out of. She’d had to duck a bit to miss him but he didn’t even notice her, though that probably had more to do with the amount of alcohol she’d already served to him than anything else. She managed to make her way to the group of insect-like aliens whose species she still hadn’t been able to identify but they were quite friendly so she smiled as she divvied out their order.

She kept an eye on the bothan as apparently one of her newest responsibilities was to subtly influence the drunker customers to _not_ start pounding their fists into one another. She hadn’t meant to start doing something like that: influencing another sentient’s thoughts without their permission. But Maz had told her to keep the place clean one way or another. It was either prevent the violence and damage, or clean up the aftermath. She’d only had to clean up the multi-colored sprays of blood once before she’d caved on that.

Through all of it, the scavenger girl still kept an eye out for Mordechai but it had been twenty-four days since he’d gotten into his small transport ship and had left without looking back. And now she’d been there almost four months with still no word from the resistance about her replacement. She would prefer not to, but she might just have to leave anyway or she’d never get off the planet at the rate they were going.

The nightmares of the snowy forest and the darkly shrouded Kylo Ren had disappeared for a few days after the encounter Mordechai but they’d eventually returned though a bit different. She’d begun at least trying to defend herself during the dreams, so far with no success and they always ended the same: with that crackling red saber coming down upon her.

She woke covered in sweat, panting and her eyes would dart around wildly looking for the masked monster that wouldn’t leave her mind no matter how hard she fought against him. The only thing so far that had helped her was the man who was a black hole.

She didn’t think to ever see him again and she’d been mentally noting which freightor captains would be the most fair to her if she asked for transport or a job, when he appeared again. The light from the entryway streamed in behind him and she’d stood there beside a customer, having stopped mid-order to look over as the doors opened to reveal him; she didn’t even apologize for interrupting the Trandoshans she was assisting.

“Mordechai!” she called

He looked towards her, startled at hearing his name, and seemed uncomfortable but he didn’t act like he hadn’t heard her. Of course, everyone looked over at him but since he wasn’t someone well known, no one commented or cared and they went back to their own conversations after a few seconds. He looked much the same, though it appeared he was attempting to grow a beard or goatee. She liked him better clean shaven. She turned back to her customers and finished with the Trandoshans as quickly as she could without being rude before making her way to the bar where he stood waiting for her.

He was looking around the place seemingly unsure if he should be there so she poured him a drink and slid it over to him. He still hadn’t said anything to her but he took the glass and downed the alcohol in one swig as if trying to build up his courage.

She began to mix drinks for the other customers but as she did so, she smiled at him encouragingly. “How have you been?”

He slid into one of the stools in front of the bar and gave his own weak smile. “I’ve been good. Not as many jobs as I’d hoped. People seem to be staying away from this part of space. Too many ghosts. I just stopped in to refuel. Wasn’t sure I’d catch you here again.”

She shrugged. “I’m always here.”

His brows came up a bit. “Oh. Well then, I guess I should stop by more often. And most people call me Kai. Mordechai is a bit of a mouthful.”

She tested the name. “Kai? I suppose that’s easier to remember. So what business are you in, Kai?”

He looked away from her. “I’m still kind trying to figure that out. I had an import business based on Hosnian Prime. It was sheer luck that I was off planet when it was destroyed. I’m having to start my life all over again and I’m just taking transport jobs wherever I can. But hey, I’m alive, which is more than I can say for a lot of people.”

Kai looked pained even while trying not make a big deal out of the tragedy that had destroyed the entire Hosnian System. She placed the drinks she’d made onto a tray and looked at him. He was a picture of misery and loneliness. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, intending to just comfort him in that small way.

As her fingers brushed slightly against the skin on his neck, she was suddenly overcome with feelings of pain and utter despair and flashes of a burning village and storm troopers filled her vision. She understood. His pain was to be expected, given what he’d gone through and she began to put up shields to block it all out except…there was something else there.

Something bubbling beneath the surface that shocked her. The feelings of sorrow were fueling a burning, seething _rage._ But there was no clear direction for the anger to go. He kept it inside and she knew this man could and would lash out with murderous consequences if given half a chance.

She hastily pulled her hand away and realized she was taking small panting breaths, her eyes locked on his. He too had broken into a sweat. He got up, his head shaking as he backed away from her.

People were looking over at them but he didn’t seem to care. “Why did you touch me? I didn’t want you to see that.”

She came around out from behind the bar, drinks forgotten, and stood before him but she didn’t try to touch him again. “I didn’t—none of that was your fau—“

He was becoming agitated quickly and she wasn’t sure what to do—what to say to diffuse the situation.

Kai was looking anywhere but at her. “I know it wasn’t my fault! It’s the fault of the First Order.” He took another step back. “I don’t know why I came here. I need to leave.”

He turned and swiftly walked out of the bar. She didn’t hesitate is running after him. She felt drawn to him, somehow. He felt familiar to her and she couldn’t let him just leave like that. He had only made it past the steps into the palace when her hand reached out and took his. This time she was ready to block the onslaught of his feelings and allow him his privacy.

He tried to pull away so she said, “Kai! Please! You don’t have to leave.”

But he was still shaking his head and trying to free himself. “This is just too much Rey. I just want to be a normal guy doing a normal job.”

She came around to face him but didn’t let go. “But you aren’t normal. You can use the force and do great things.”

Kai scoffed. “What? Swing around a sword that’s hotter than the surface of the sun? Practice a bunch of hokey religious stuff? Not really my thing.”

She had to make him understand. “It doesn’t have to be like that—”

But he cut her off. “Yes it does. And don’t act like you’re any different than me.  You’re working in a bar cleaning glasses and serving drinks. That’s not exactly the vocation of a jedi.”

He was right of course. She was doing exactly what she was asking him to _not_ do. Being ordinary. Leading an ordinary life where she did the same job day after day to earn a living. But what else could she do? Until Luke Skywalker decided to come out of hiding, she would not risk his safety or privacy by leading Kylo Ren to the man. But where did that leave her?

Something inside her whispered that she could be more. That even if he wasn’t very powerful, Kai could help her become stronger. And if he wasn’t a skilled warrior, she could take revenge against the Knights and Snoke on his behalf. The supreme leader and his personal army of dark side force users needed to die, that much was obvious. The creature had been pulling the strings of the First Order and even the empire before that for decades and was now at the center of the cause of billions of deaths.

Kai pulled away from her intending to leave but she spoke up. “I can help you.”

That made him stop. “Help me with what?”

She swallowed. “I could feel your pain. The anger you have. You want to kill Snoke and tear down the First Order. I can help you do that.”

He tried to step around her and he spoke with a dismissive tone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. There is no killing Snoke or going up against the First Order. The two of us are just small fry to them. I’m not joining the resistance either.”

She tried to reason with him. “Snoke rose to power because he controls the Knights of Ren. The First Order maybe the fodder for his war but it’s the knights that really give him power. The key to taking out Snoke is to remove the knights.”

“You’re planning to take out the knights.” His voice was skeptical and he looked her over. “Where’s your lightsaber.”

She looked away. “I don’t have one.”

He sighed disbelievingly so she continued. “But I was able to fight off one of the Knights of Ren myself. He was their leader but he couldn’t breach my mind. And I’ve been practicing since then.”

“Well good for you. But I’m not you and I’m not ready to be cut down like an animal by a bunch of crazy zealots with red fire sticks.”

Rey took a breath. This wasn’t going well but she had to keep trying. She didn’t want to be alone anymore but she didn’t want to befriend anyone who couldn’t defend themselves if and when Kylo Ren decided to show up. If she and Kai could work together…

She steeled her resolve. “We just need to be smart. There are two of us and with enough practice and the right guidance, we can become strong enough to take the fight to them. If we can take the knights out even one by one, Snoke will have no way of controlling the military and he would be vulnerable.”

He looked at her as if he was trying to figure out if she was actually serious and he shook his head. “This is crazy. You’re crazy. And I’m crazy for listening to you. I’m a transporter and you’re a bar maid. What do you or I know about using the force?”

She was getting somewhere. “I know that the more attuned we are, the stronger we become. After that it’s just a matter of training to fight.”

He looked doubtful now. “Uh huh. Is that all? And where would we start oh, force master?”

She blinked. She hadn’t really thought this all out when running after him so she wasn’t sure. They had no teacher and no way to learn through anything but trial and error…perhaps she could contact Leia Organa and ask if the general had any ideas of where one could start.

It was something at least so she gave Kai a small smile of encouragement. “I know someone. I’ll ask her and maybe she can point us in the right direction.”

He still looked doubtful so she took his hand again, eyeing how uncomfortable he seemed at the contact between them but he didn’t shake her off this time. She was reminded of how she felt when Finn had taken her hand on Jakku and tried not to think about the man as she lead Kai back to bar. She sat him down at a corner table and tried not to contemplate what she would do if she returned and he had fled.

She looked at him and tried to sound stern as if talking to a small child. “Stay here. I need to make a call but I’ll be back.”

Kai raised a brow but said nothing so she turned and left him there. Maz eyed her as she passed by but Rey didn’t have time to talk so she continued on until she got back to her tiny room in the back. She opened up the communications array and entered in the code Leia had given her. It only beeped for a few minutes before the image of the general popped up.

She looked much the same as she had the last time the scavenger had seen her. “Rey, it’s good to hear from you.”

Rey smiled. “Hello General, I’m sorry to call without notice and I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No—no, you’re fine. What can I do for you? Is anything the matter?”

“Well, I’ve met a man who is working as a transporter and he’s been into the bar a couple of times…he…well he is force sensitive like me.”

Leia’s eyes widened. “Is he safe to be around? Could he be a spy?”

“I don’t think he’s a spy. He’s in a lot of pain. I wasn’t able to read him terribly well but I got flashes of a burning village and with storm troopers over running the place. I think he’s alone now and he’s been staying off the radar of the Knights of Ren. He had a business based on Hosnian Prime before...He puts on a brave face but I’ve connected with him and it’s all he can do to not to let it consume him.”

Leia nodded but Rey could tell she was unsure of the situation. “Rey, you should know that when force-sensitive people connect with one another especially on an emotional level, it can have effects. And if what you think is true, he could also snap and become very dangerous.”

Rey looked away. “I know that. I still feel Kylo Ren in the back of my mind.”

The general’s eyes narrowed at the name and Rey knew that she still felt the loss of Han.

She pressed on. “But this is different. I want to help him. I know I can help sooth his mind.”

Leia sat back in her chair. “What is it you want from me?”

She swallowed. “I can’t train with Luke, but if I can get some kind of guidance even from just a book or datapad, maybe he and I can teach ourselves.”

General Organa tilted her head and looked concerned. “Rey, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.”

“But it’s the only idea I have. If I don’t come up with something, he’ll leave and probably get himself killed.”

Leia looked thoughtful for a minute before nodding, “Give me an hour and hook up your data storage to this unit. I will send you a section of the old archives from the Jedi order. It will help you to get your mind ready for the next stage.”

“What’s the next stage?”

At this the general smiled again, nostalgia in her eyes. “A lightsaber.”

“Why would I need to be able to clear my mind?”

Leia smiled indulgently. “While anyone can use a lightsaber to a certain extent, only a person with a connection to the force can actually create one. But that connection must run deep and still because you will need to imbue a crystal with the force using that connection. Only then can you create a lightsaber.” Leia looked her over carefully before continuing. “The appearance of a person’s lightsaber says a lot about who that person is.”

“Oh.” There was so much wonder in that small word.

Leia smiled at her. “I’ll have the information for you soon. I would suggest you and your friend find somewhere quiet and isolated that you can stay for a few months while you practice communing with the force.”

“That long?”

The older woman shrugged. “It’s different with everyone. With some, only a few days is enough, others can take half a year. Best to plan for about the middle of road. I will send you the next section after you have mastered communion with the force.”

“How will I know?”

“You’ll know. The force will tell you.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Leia smiled encouragingly and the two said their good byes and ended the call

Rey got up and walked a bit more slowly back to the bar. The general hadn’t mentioned anything about a replacement liaison being sent to the bar but Rey felt no guilt in abandoning the place, except maybe leaving Maz without an extra bartender. But she had a new path to follow now. For the first time in her life, the scavenger girl felt like she might have the chance to be something other than what her life had forced upon her.   

She hesitated as she came to the door that would lead back to the bar. If he wasn’t there, she would most assuredly not see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kai Lowen? Huh? Huh? Yeah, I crack myself up. lol
> 
> Anyway, Kylo Ren is definitly playing to long game here. He's got nothing but time while the First Order and the Resistance both lick their wounds and regroup from the destruction of the Hosnian System and Starkiller base.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot! Two chapters in one day. Don't get used to that, though. lol

She took a breath before pushing the door open and looking to where she had left him. The chair was empty and Rey felt her shoulders sag. She was unsure as to why she felt so emotional when she barely knew Kai but she felt a sense of loss none the less. Her first instinct was the head out the door and go to the landing pad to look for him, if he hadn’t left already. She took a step forward to do so but stopped. In the end, if he didn’t want to be there, she couldn’t force him.

“Were you able to reach your friend?”

Rey’s head snapped up and she turned around to find Kai standing beside her. “Kai! I thought you left!”

He shrugged and looked only slightly guilty. “I thought about it. Even made it to the door but…” He said nothing else and Rey wondered not for the first time if he felt as she did, their connection. She also wondered if this was what Leia had warned her about. Was this feeling just a side effect of the fact that neither of them were very experienced in the force and thus were not able to untangle themselves from each other?

She brushed the thought aside. It didn’t matter. “My friend is sending me some data from the old archives of the Jedi order.”

Kai raised a brow. “You want to follow the rules of a dead religion? Didn’t exactly work out for them in the end.”

She rolled her eyes. “It was more than a religion. The Jedi were the guardians of peace throughout the galaxy before the empire. They managed to destroy the sith. If we can become that powerful, we can take out Snoke.”

Kai looked troubled but nodded. “Alright. So what do we do?”

“I spoke to General Organa and she said the first thing we needed to do was meditate and connect with the force. She said we should find an area where we would be isolated and there would be no distractions.”

Kai grimaced at the name so she asked, “You don’t like the general?”

“I don’t like people who pick fights they can’t win. At the end of the day, billions of people are dead and she’s still hiding out there somewhere surrounded by people who would die for her. Not everyone has that luxury. No one on Hosnian Prime did, anyway.” His tone was flat and slightly mocking but she knew it hid something far different. Something vengeful and angry.

But she couldn’t fathom anyone feeling that way towards the resistance. They were the good guys! “What should they have done? The First Order would have just turned their weapon on the resistance base and then there would be no way to fight Snoke or the order.”

Kai looked disgusted with her words and he shook his head in irritation before replying, “But the Hosnian system would still be here. The resistance claimed to be fighting to defend and protect the republic but where were they when the center of the republic was being blown into space dust?”

Rey closed her eyes. “There’s more to it than that.”

“There always is.” He turned to leave but she quickly grabbed his arm. He pulled away from her and shooed her as if batting away an annoying child.

 She walked quickly until she was in front of him blocking his path. “Where are you going?”

He tried to step around her. “Away. This was a mistake. I’m not interested in doing the resistance’s job for them.” She tried again to stop him but he managed to push past her.

She called out to him. “And what about justice? Would you fight for that? Snoke and the order need to pay for what they’ve done.”

“Not interested in justice.” He didn’t even stop walking and his words were clipped which only added fuel to her own fire.

So Rey played her last card. “And what about revenge?”

He stopped and turned to look at her incredulously. “Even I know that revenge is the path to the dark side.”

She kept her chin raised and did her best not to give away the doubt swirling inside her. “It’s also the path to power.” His brows were raised in surprise at her words so she continued. “If there is one thing I’ve learned from Kylo Ren, it’s that choosing only one side of the force is a mistake. It’s made him turn from his family and choose Snoke but there is conflict inside him. When he was in my mind, I could feel the different sides of his very being tearing him apart. There needs to be balance.”

At this he actually stepped closer to her, his eyes peering at her intently. “You felt all that?”

“Yes.”

Kai seemed to think of something and his eyes became slightly unfocused. “You must be very strong if you were able to glean all that from the master of the Knights of Ren.”

She sighed. “I think I caught him off guard more than anything but it’s enough that he knows that I bested him. _For now._ I need to get stronger.”

His next words were soft, unsure. “Are you going to kill him?”

She thought back on the pain and suffering he’d brought to herself and General Organa. “Yes.”

He nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. “This planet isn’t fully colonized. If you’re friend Maz is amenable, why don’t we just go to another part of this world to do our ‘meditations’.”

Ray nodded, relieved.

Kylo looked over the geography of the planet. Most of it was owned by Maz Kanada and the alien had given them permission to use any part that they liked for their meditations. He’d almost thought the jig was up when the small alien had removed her goggled and eyed him dubiously before her gaze swung back to Rey’s retreating back as the girl went to gather her things. But she hadn’t said anything and he hadn’t sensed any intention to stick her non-existent nose any further into his business so Kylo brushed it aside.

He felt no guilt over duping Rey—she would be grateful to him later. And he wasn’t worried about her sentiments towards him; the longer he was in her presence the more sure he became that he was on the right path. That she was able to pull so much from his mind despite having no training meant his little scavenger would become a great Knight in her own right one day. He thought over what she said about balance. He searched his feelings and knew she was on to something. He hadn’t lied to his father when he said he was being torn apart and Snoke only fed into that. His desire to destroy his master; the last of the sith, had been an intangible wisp of an idea in his mind but as he looked over at Rey in the co-pilot seat, new plans began to form in his mind.

Snoke had taught the knights enough to be dangerous to others and to keep the First Order in line but never enough to make them as powerful as he was. Compounding the problem of killing his master was the fact that the decrepit man had tied him and the other knights to him as slaves. Kylo hadn’t known that would happen when he’s accepted the man’s offer to teach him. He would not allow himself to regret his decision, but had it been presented to him now, he would have made a different choice.

Back then, Kylo had craved power more than _anything_. He still did but when he’d been that young, he hadn’t cared about the consequences of his actions and he was paying for them now. His goal had been to become as powerful as his grandfather, Darth Vader but even now he still felt as though he was a mere shadow of the legendary sith lord.

But perhaps becoming a true sith was not his path. Using the dark side and the light and tapping into all sources of the force sounded far more appealing to him. He could not kill his master directly but he could assist his new companion in destroying the last sith lord and then there would only be the knights. He would cull the unloyal from them and bring forth a new order.

With Rey by his side and with the knowledge of the Jedi...To have access, even limited access, to the jedi archives, would be a great boon to him. His mother had never allowed that when he’d been a boy and later his uncle preferred to teach by application rather than studying. He’d become annoyed quickly with how incomplete his education had seemed. He wanted to know more but they were unwilling to give him what he wanted. It was one of the reasons that he’s broken from his family.  He would eventually need to retrieve the entire archive but that could wait. He had time and he had _her_ now.

She had come aboard his ship; his domain, only a few minutes ago and he’d lead her to the second of the two bunk rooms so that she’d have some privacy in the small cargo ship. His eyes had narrowed at her small pack when she’d walked by him into the room. She had almost nothing to her name, and she’d apparently spent all her money buying food and gear for them to use while they were roughing it out in the jungle. He scowled a bit at the thought. He knew it was an archaic principal that the girl shouldn’t pay for their things, but he considered her _his_ , and he took care of his things. In fact, Kylo had already called in a favor with one of his new contacts who would be delivering a large order of supplies to wherever they decided to go.

Hopefully, he’d be able to keep her busy enough that she forgot about such things. He’d rather have her focus on him, both his persona as Kai and Kylo Ren. He would give her everything she needed and things would be easier if she became dependent on him and allowed him to provide for her. He looked over at her again. Her eyes hadn’t left the map she was scanning, looking for a good spot for them to spend the next couple of months meditating. He’d already chosen a perfect location that he knew she would enjoy.

As he sat there thinking, he couldn’t help looking her over. She was pretty, he supposed. In an unpolished jewel sort of way. But he was perhaps a bit biased. Stunning women of every race had thrown themselves at him at one time or another. But he’d never been attracted to physical beauty and Rey was just…Rey.

He looked away from her and back to his own map. “I found us a good spot. Our own private island.”

She looked up at him and chuckled. “The whole planet is islands.”

He shrugged and kept his tone light. “Yes but this one is special.”

“Uh huh.” She nodded but raised a brow and he couldn’t help but shake his head.

“It really is! Just you wait. I expect an apology later,” he joked.

Kylo walked back to the side of the ship and closed the hatch. The ship began to rumble a bit when she powered it on and when he returned, they took off. They rose into the atmosphere and He couldn’t help but glance at her every few seconds as she seemed to be entranced by the green and blue planet. The journey was over quickly, a few minutes at most before they landed. He set the ship down and knew the moment she realized where they landed because she scrambled out of the ship to get a look.

The hatched hissed open but she didn’t jump down as he’s expected. She just stood there in the entryway, looking over everything. Her voice was soft. “This…This is a beach.”

He came up behind her and watched as she walked slowly down the steps and onto the sand. A beach was a rarity on this world. Most of the ‘islands’ were really just mangrove forests and pluff mud marshes infested with reptiles and insects. Some people might like to learn the ways of the force in a swamp but that really wasn't his preferred method of relaxation.

And relax he would on this little vacation. Kylo had thought that he would need to hint at their next step but his mother had practically offered Rey up to him on a silver platter. They would be here for who knows how long…Well, he smiled, as long as it took ‘Kai’ to figure out how to commune with the force; something Kylo Ren did on a daily basis. He’d use the time to strengthen his influence on her and to get a better grip on, as well as modify, his flow of force power.

It would not escape Rey’s notice if the light saber crystal that he eventually created was red rather than blue, green or white. She may not be entirely aware that only those who tapped into the darkside on a regular basis were able to generate a red crystal, but a red saber would draw far too much notice.

He released those thoughts into the force when he heard Rey call for him. He looked over to see her nearly waist deep in the crystal clear water. Her smile was wider and happier than he’d ever seen from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two POVs in this story. Kylo Ren's and Rey's. Hopefully, ya'll won't have any problems telling them apart but in case you do, the easiest way to know is to look at how Kylo is referred to outside of dialogue. Kylo Ren will never think of himself as Kai because that isn't his name. In his own mind, he will refer to himself as Kylo. 
> 
> Hopefully, that isn't too confusing. :)


	6. Chapter 6

He watched her from the shore as she splashed around the water. She looked up at him and waved, her face splitting from happiness at something as simple as salt water. He smiled back at her all the while thinking of how miserable she would be when the sand stuck to every inch of her after she got out of the water.

He looked down the beach and at the glimmering sea. He’d chosen a good spot. The sand was a fine powder of the palest shade of eggshell while the waters sparkled with perfect clarity and one could see all the way to the bottom. The beach itself was only perhaps 30 feet from the shore to the thicket of jungle trees that made up most of Takodana. Small crabs skittered around the water’s edge and he began to make his way closer to the treesline.

Rey’s voice carried over the waves. “Kai, come in! It feels amazing!”

He didn’t turn to look back at her but raised his hand in a wave. “I’m good, thanks though! Enjoy yourself. I’m gonna set up a tent for us.”

He looked around for a good flat spot but she called to him again. “You don’t want to sleep under the stars?”

At this he looked back at her. “I don’t want to be eaten alive by bugs.”

She looked thoughtful before diving under the water and splashing around some more. He left her to it and went back into the ship to gather some of their supplies. He also went back to the cockpit and turned the radio on.

“CS Tenacity-7290. This is CS Paladin; ID RW51698.”

The transmission was clear. “We’re reading you, Paladin. Have you set up shop?”

“Yes. I am sending you the coordinates.”

“Received. The dropship will be by in twelve hours.”

“Acknowledged. Paladin out.”

He cut the transmission and headed back outside. The first thing he noticed was the absence of splashing. The second thing he noticed was the absence of _Rey_. His head swiveled as he looked around the beach and at the water.

“Rey!”

“Yes?”

He looked to the side into the jungle to see her coming out of the foliage wearing far fewer clothes than she had previously. He swiftly moved to her side.

“Are you alright?” He didn’t touch her but he looked her over for any sign of injury.

“I’m fine, Kai. I was just wringing out my clothes and I didn’t think you’d appreciate me prancing about the beach in the buff.”

His brow came up. “Well now that you mention it.”

“Don’t even think about finishing that.”

He shrugged while quirking an eyebrow. “Whatever makes you most comfortable.”

She shook her head and headed back into the ship, presumably to use the fresher and change into her other set of clothing. He can’t help but let his eyes slip to the curve of her rear. It wasn’t a terribly unpleasant sight.

She disappeared inside so he turned back to his purpose and began to set the tent up. He only had the one so they would need to share. He hadn’t had to sleep on the ground since he’d left his uncle over a decade ago and if he’d had use of the full resources of the First Order, he would have stayed in the ship. However the engines needed to be running in order to keep the craft temperature controlled. It was quite warm on that part of the planet which would turn his metal ship into an oven. ‘Kai’ would never burn through costly fuel just to be more comfortable so Kylo finished raising the large tent.

Rey soon came back out and he’d taken to sitting in the sand outside the tent looking at the sun set over the water. She sat beside him and handed him a data pad. Kylo looked it over, pleased to see that it was a sizable chunk of data with hundreds of pages of text just devoted to communion with the force. It was far more information than he’d ever gotten out of his uncle.

He did not let the avarice show on his face. “What do I do with this?”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head in exasperation. “You read it. I’ve got a copy too. We can spend the rest of today reading this and tomorrow, we’ll see about trying to make a full connection with the force.”

He nodded and took his jacket off. He felt her eyes on him but he ignored it and folded the jacket loosely before laying back and using it as a pillow. The sand was pleasantly warm and the breeze from the water kept the sun from making him sweat too badly. She copied him, using her long scarf rather than a jacket and laid back beside him.

They stayed there for hours, reading in silence and just enjoying the sea and the company. As Kylo read on, he could not help but practice subconsciously the instructions he was reading. His mind left him, flowing peacefully into the force. He’d never had such a feeling of serenity before. He’d always tried to pull the force into him, to draw on its power but this connection…this communion was different.

The pad dropped from his fingers but he didn’t care. His breathing was slow and deep as he floated in the tranquility of the light side of the force. _Why was it so different_ , he wondered. Why had he never experienced such a thing before? The force felt like a balm on the scars of his soul. It told him not to worry. That it would take care of him.

_Wait…_

His eyes slid to the form that laid beside him. Rey’s eyes were closed and her datapad was in the sand by her side. He continued to look at her and after a few minutes, her eyes opened and she looked at him _._

_Don’t worry. I have you._

His eyes widened. He was communing with the force but she was with him, her mind acting as a conduit and helping him to achieve the tranquility the archive talked about. His breathing became harsh. This wasn’t right…

_It’s okay to accept help._

_No. I can only rely on myself._

The corners of her mouth turned up in only the merest hint of a smile. _Not anymore. I’m here. I’m with you._

He shook his head and the connection fell away like sand through his fingers. But even without it, he felt calmer. The storm in his mind had passed and only gently lapping seas remained.

He sat up and looked at her. She laid still and calm in the sand and it seemed as though she hadn’t fully disconnected from the force yet. He could still feel her presence floating around his mind, though he didn’t let her in.

His words were harsher than he intended. “How did you do that? No one has ever been able to read me.”

She tilted her head. “I don’t know. I felt you begin connecting and it’s like you were calling me. Inviting me to join you.”

But he was already shaking his head. “I wasn’t…”

She sat up and looked him in the eye. “Maybe not on purpose but I want to help you. You can’t just rely on your anger to fuel your power or you’ll be no better than the Knights of Ren. You need to experience all that the force has to offer.”

He took a breath and looked back out at the sea. Hours had passed without his notice and it was twilight now. He nodded. “I want to become strong.”

“General Organa said that we’d know when we were ready to move on to the next part. You and I can practice until we’re ready.” She got up and dusted herself off.

He nodded and watched her walk away as he began closing his mind again. To her. To everything. It was pure luck that she hadn’t discovered his secrets while she’d had such free access to his mind.  He couldn’t make that mistake again.

He kept that encounter in mind over the course of the next few weeks as they communed with each other and force many times a day. After that first time, Kylo was careful to keep his true self away from her but he could feel his power growing little by little as he accepts more of the light into his being. Snoke had always told him that allowing the light to seduce him would be detrimental to his dark power but he just felt them balance one another.

 _More importantly_ , he thinks as he looks over Rey’s sleeping form, _he can feel her changing as well_. He slips quietly into her mind, feeding the part of himself that sleeps within her. It awakens, as always, and goes to work. Her brow twitches as the nightmare comes. A side effect of the process is that she must live her greatest fear while it seeps further into her mind, tainting her thoughts and powers.

Soon, she would be too far gone and even his uncle would not be able to save her. She began to whimper slightly. He smiled at that, thinking back to that day in the interrogation room. Once he’d have wished to have this reaction, this pain she’s feeling would have made him feel secure in his power over her. But she hadn’t been defeated by him, she’d been stronger than him. It still burned him but soon it wouldn’t matter anymore.

He laid back down and closed his eyes just as she shot up from her sleep, a scream ripped from her. He ‘woke’ up and turned to her. “Another one?”

She was breathing harshly. “It was different this time.”

That caught his attention. So far, her dreams had always ended with ‘Kylo Ren’ killing her but for it to change, it meant her mind and her fears were changing. “What happened?”

She looked away from him. “He cornered me and I couldn’t run. He told me that he’d found me. What if it’s some kind of premonition? What if he knows where we are?”

It wasn’t and he knew that but ‘Kai’ wouldn’t know that. “Maybe it is. The archives hinted at that kind of thing but it also said to be wary of such things in case it’s just your own fears manifesting.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“No. I won’t run from him anymore.”

He smiled at her and nodded before turning over onto his side and closing his eyes again. He was pretty tired, after all.

It was silent in the tent for a few minutes before he heard Rey’s soft voice again. “Kai, do you mind if I do it again?”

He turned back around and faced at her. She looked pretty miserable so he held his hand out to her. He hadn’t intended to do this but on the nights where the dark passenger in her mind was very active and her nightmares woke her up multiple times; the only thing that settled it down was constant contact with him. He figured that perhaps because it was able to connect fully with him again that it didn’t feel the need to twist and writhe within her.

She smiled, grateful and laid her hand in his. His fingers curled around hers gently and she laid back down though she was looking anywhere but at him. He’d made a point of keeping physical contact between them to a minimum but it was getting to the point that she would reach for his hand anyway without asking and it had gone even farther than that.

Just a few days ago they’d even shared an embrace after a particularly trying day of practicing levitation. The skill hadn’t been expanded upon in any great detail in the archive segment they had but Rey had wanted to try it out anyway. ‘Kai’ had picked it up almost immediately, not wanting to waste as much time on so small a skill while Rey had struggled along.

She face was scrunched up in frustration. “How did you do it so quickly? I can’t even get that pebble to do more than roll over!”

Kylo had shrugged and flicked his finger causing the pebbled to fly into the air and he thought steam was going to come out of her ears. Even with her glares, he hadn’t expected her to grab his hand and search his mind almost forcefully for the secret to the skill. He’d shoved it forward quickly so she would not have to dig so deep.

She’d still been holding his hand when her eyes had slipped closed and she’d held her other hand out, concentrating. Suddenly a large swath of the beach sand moved as if in a wave further into the water leaving a gully that filled rapidly with saltwater.

Her eyes had opened and she’d almost smiled before looking back at him. He’d perfected the art of looking shocked by that point and she’d met his gaze before looking down at their clasped fingers. Horror filled her face and she dropped his hand and began to apologize profusely.

“Oh my stars, I don’t know what came over me! I’m so sorry!”

She’d backed away from him and looked at her hands as if not recognizing them. Mentally, he was congratulating himself. Her conditioning was coming along rather—he looked over at the gully—swimmingly. She was taking what she wanted and eventually she wouldn’t care enough to apologize.

Still better to put an end to her guilt. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t hurt me, you just caught me off guard. It’s alright to get help from me.”

“But I didn’t ask. I just took it.”

He shrugged and did his best to overcome her fear of the power that was swirling just below the surface of her mind. “If there is a situation where you need something and it’s life or death, it’s better that you’re prepared to do what is needed.” He reached over and took her hand in his again, letting her know it was alright and he felt her connection to the force being to surround him.

His scavenger still seemed upset but now the emotion was closer to weariness and she shook her head in denial of his attempts to minimize the situation. “This wasn’t life or death. It’s just impatience.”

His other hand came up and tilted her chin so her eyes met his. He kept his tone serious. “Next time it might not be and you can’t hesitate.”

Rey blinked a few times; digesting his words, and he was gratified that there weren’t tears in her eyes. He hated it when she cried. She nodded at him in acceptance but he still felt her doubt so he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. He’d never had this much physical contact with her to that point and their connection strengthened and he felt the soothingly calm waters of her mind enveloping him and wiping away the raging chaos that permeated his psyche.

He was changing slowly as was she. The constant need to destroy something that always seemed to boil over when he was slighted had receded and he had a much better handle on his temper than before. The light whispered to him and he allowed it to pacify the beast that, at times, took over in a violent tantrum.

His mind was clear for the first time in over a decade and he knew it was the will of the force that he had found her. His scavenger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing my best to edit this myself but it always seems like I miss things. The original outline was not grammatically correct by any stretch with almost no puntuation, captitalization or any attention to POVs and tenses. So when I'm going back and reworking that, sometimes those mistakes accidentally get left behind. If you see anything, please comment below and let me know and I'll correct it.
> 
> Additionally, I did post an additional new chapter yesterday evening(two in one day) but AO3 never updated the site listing to show it so you may need to go back a chapter. I probably won't double post again in order to minimize confusion.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a couple of days since my last update. I got a few comments on another site about the errors so I decided to go back and edit the earlier chapters to fix the spelling and grammatical mistakes. I also received a few questions about certain parts so I got rid of a few repetiative items but at the end of the day I added around 1200 words to the chapters and made minor changes here and there that will hopefully help make some things a bit clearer. I'm sure there are still errors but since it's just me looking it over, it's the best I can do.
> 
> If you end up going back and re-reading those chapters, let me know if it helped. ^_^

Two months later Kylo sat with his legs crossed in the sand and he watched Rey as she mirrored his posture only feet from him. They had been sitting there for the better part of the day and they’d been silent as they communed with the force. He was done with all of it, personally, but he wasn’t unhappy that he was able to spend his time just staring at her.

She was obviously aware of him, she’d have felt him slip away from the force an hour ago but she hadn’t said anything, just continued to feel through the force. He looked away from her and gazed out into the water. He could feel the threads of the force flowing and surrounding him in this planet full of life. It was a level of peace that he’d never experienced before but found it alluring all the same. If not for his destiny, he’d have been content to remain here for the rest of his life.

“I am going to contact General Organa today.”

His eyes snapped back to her face and he found her looking at him, though her expression was neutral and her eyes only opened slightly, as they usually were right after she’d come out of her meditations.

“That’s fine. I’ll stay out here.”

Rey seemed to come back to herself a bit more and she looked him over carefully. “Are you ever going to tell me what your problem is with the general?”

He shrugged indifferently. “I may have gotten into a dust up or two with the resistance in the beginning of my career before I went legit.”

At this, her eyes widened. “Really. So you _were_ a smuggler. I _knew_ it.”

Kylo raised his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, I never claimed to be a saint.”

She shook her head smiling and got up before heading back to the ship, presumably to make her call. He hoped his mother wouldn’t jerk her around and would cough up the next section of the archive despite them only being there for two months.

He’d not had contact with anyone in the First Order since he’d left and Kylo wondered if he was still the master of the Knights or if Snoke had replaced him already. Back when he first began this journey, he would have cared about that, would have lost his mind as his temper consumed him at the insult to his strength. But now…

Now all he cared about was increasing his strength through this new pure communion with the force. He hadn’t been able to fully achieve it himself yet but when he used Rey as a conduit, the raw power that flowed through him made his mind and body shudder. And Rey…She was the key to everything. Their bond was only growing stronger and the perfect balance of light and dark was taking shape within the two of them.

And now he was more than ready to apply these new sources of power to his fighting and mind trick capabilities. Kylo could not wait to really teach Rey how to fight. He imagined her movements to be like those of a graceful dancer and the enemies around her would look on in awe of her, even as she cut them down with only the lightest of swings from her saber.

He thought she would prefer a staff saber. It wasn’t something he was well versed in but he knew enough to be dangerous. And after watching her use her staff on the beach, he thought she might know more than he did.

Kylo was shaken from his thoughts when Rey came back out, holding a datapad. He stood up and stretched a bit to remove the kinks from his back.  “How’d it go?” He asked.

She smiled. “I got the next segment of text. There’s a lot there but I think the first thing we need are something called force crystals. They’re used to create the light sabers.”

Kylo nodded in understanding. “Does it say how to actually make the lightsabers?” He wouldn’t put it past his mother to include information on the crystals but nothing on actually making anything dangerous.

She handed the pad over to him and he flicked through the information, impressed by the depth and breadth of knowledge just about force crystals. Eventually he found that there was a section that detailed the construction of lightsabers as well as additional information on materials that could be used if the preferred ones weren’t available. Considering the fact that many of the items in the original blueprint were made specifically by the jedi order before the fall of the old republic, he was sure that list would come in handy. The only thing that might give them trouble was the crystal chamber.

Crystal chambers were relics of a bygone age and weren’t used for anything besides the containment of force crystals. The First Order had gathered as many of them up as they could find years ago in an attempt to limit access to lightsabers by anyone who wasn’t First Order. It was something they’d have to worry about later, though.

He read further and sighed as ‘Kai’ would. “More meditation. Stars, no wonder there aren’t any more jedi if all they did is meditate every day. Probably didn’t even notice their temple falling down around them.”

Rey looked unamused. “That is a horrible thing to say. And besides, these crystals don’t come out of the ground with enough power to do much of anything. We need to help them along.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.” He said and tossed the pad back to her and began walking back to the ship.

She fumbled to catch it for a second before following behind him. Her voice became conspicuously light and disinterested. “I just took inventory. We’ve got about a two weeks of food left so we can probably wait to stop by a trading post until after we get our crystals.” He stopped and turned to her so she continued. “We should probably take some transport jobs while we’re there too.”

Kylo let his confusion show. “Why?”

She did her best to look unconcerned but her words warranted concern. “I looked at our finances. We’re both almost out of money. No money, no fuel or food.” She crossed her arms and he might have stared at her dumbfounded for a few seconds. Money wasn’t something he really thought about. He had never really bought anything as a regular person before this little excursion of his. He’d been the son of a princess and then the apprentice of a jedi before becoming a Knight of Ren and a leader within the First Order.

He still didn’t understand. “How can I be out of money? I’ve only been purchasing the supply drops for us.”

She nodded slowly. “And those were expensive, Kai. You should know that. You ran a transport business, didn’t you?”

His eyes narrowed. “Of course I did. But those drops can’t have been expensive enough to drain my account.”

Rey shrugged. “I spoke to the Tenacity just last week and they informed me that your line of credit had ended with them and your account was just about empty and they wouldn’t be making any more drops.”

 _He was out of money?_ Kylo felt his cheeks begin to redden. He’d obviously made some kind of mistake when he’d transferred funds from his accounts with the First Order to a private account and then rerouted the money though several accounts to hide his trail.

She took pity on him. “It’s not that big a deal, Kai. We’ll pick up a few transport jobs and I’ll work at Maz’s bar while we practice with the light sabers.”

Kylo’s head snapped to her. “You can’t work in a _bar_. You’re a warrior of the force!” He began walking back to the ship and she followed behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, Kai. Working and earning money is part of life.”

He didn’t dignify that with an answer and Kylo instead focused on their little camp site and the items scattered there began to float into the air and follow behind them. He directed them into a storage area and secured everything.

Rey watched him while leaning against the airlock door. “And last time I checked, the force doesn’t put food on the table. You don’t want to join the resistance so we can’t go to them and neither one of us are skilled enough in combat to be mercenaries or guards. You have a transport ship and your connections from your business. The easiest thing to do is to take a few jobs here and there.”

She was right. Of course she was right. He knew that but he still felt like he’d somehow failed her and himself. He slumped down into the pilot’s chair of his ship and she sat down as well. He looked over at her but she seemed to only be focused on their next task. Her hands moved around the controls readying the ship for takeoff. Something was off with her and it took him a few seconds to identify the difference. Her movements were a bit sluggish and her eyes not as wide nor bright as they usually were.

The dark circles under her eyes told him everything he needed to know. “Are you sleeping?”

Rey’s hands stopped moving and she was quiet for a few seconds before she replied, “I’m handling it.”

“That’s not an answer. Why haven’t you asked me to hold your hand at night?”

“I can’t rely on you for the rest of my life. I need to deal with this on my own.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Suddenly she seemed angry. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Everyone leaves eventually.”

He knew her history, of course. She’d lost everyone she ever cared about. They’d left or been killed or had gone a different path from her.

He reached out and took her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “I’m _not_ going anywhere. Even if you try to force me away, I’ll never leave you.”

If she thought his words sounded ominous, she didn’t let it show on her face. “I’m not good at this sort of thing, being friends with someone.”

He smiled crookedly. “Neither am I. We’ll figure it out together, I promise.”

Rey’s thumb rubbed his fingers for a second before she dropped his hand and turned back to the dash. The ship powered on and he turned back to his own controls, flipping the right switches for them to lift off from the planet.

They were silent and Rey entered the coordinates for the planet they were headed to. They hit the light speed and in just a few minutes they were orbiting a stormy planet that his ship identified as planet GV72093: Holrew.

Rey brought the ship down and they landed on a graveled clearing in an extremely rocky area.

He examined the readings from the ship. “Atmosphere is breathable but it’s cold. The star in this system is a white dwarf about 6000 years from supernova.”

Her eyes slid over to him. “So we’ve got some time.” He laughed and just like that; the tension broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter because it is actually the first third of the original chapter 7 but I wanted to put a scene break here and I honestly don't like having breaks in the middle of chapters. I try to avoid them as much as possible. Anyway, we're back to our regualrly scheduled program and I'll try to have the next chapter out tomorrow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made myself a cover image for this fic. It's back on the first chapter. I love it so much and I'm disgustingly proud of myself. That is all. XD

As they exited the ship, Kylo couldn’t help but notice that it was difficult to feel Rey even with their strong connection. The force was so intrinsically tied to the planet that it was hard to feel much of anything at all. Holrew is an ancient world, one of the oldest in the galaxy and also one of only six known planets where force crystals can be found.

If there was a civilization that had inhabited the planet; it, along with anything else, was long gone. The planet now was gloomy and cold with only dark volcanic rocks and steel grey clouds for as far as the eye can see. The wind was harsh and bitter and Kylo only had to see Rey give the slightest shiver before he took his jacket off and slid it around her shoulders.

She looked at him. “Now you’ll freeze.”

He shook his head and refused to allow his teeth to chatter. “Only one of us is from a hot desert planet so I think I’ll last a bit longer than you in this.”

She looked doubtful but said nothing more as she pulled the leather jacket closer to herself. They both look around for a few minutes, taking in as much of the dark landscape as possible. There were outcroppings of large jagged rocks that created caves all over the place and Kylo thought one looked the same as all the rest and couldn’t see or feel if any were a better choice than the others.

He turned to her and asked, “Which one do we go into?”

She didn’t answer but instead walked forward; passing many openings before eventually slipping into one of the larger caves. The natural cover helped to alleviate the wind but it got darker, the deeper they went. He was about to say something when they turned a corner and there was suddenly light.

His eyes widened and darted around at all the clusters of glowing force crystals. They were all a cool white color and while most looked almost identical, he could feel the differences in them. Some longed for adventure while others were content to remain where they were. Some offered up power while others extended protection. They were as varied as any population of people would be. He felt them out carefully and bit back a sigh of disappointment. None called to him.

The crystal in his cross saber hadn’t either but it had been the strongest and he’d made it stronger. Doing so had cracked the crystal and his lightsaber had become unstable and required the side vents to contain it. That hadn’t been his intention but Snoke had been proud of him and so he kept the crystal as it was.

But none of these meant anything to him so he followed behind Rey as she walked further into the cavern. They passed by hundreds of clusters of crystals but she didn’t turn towards any of them or pause. Eventually they came to the end of the cavern and could go no further.

Rey had been silent up to that point but her hand came up to the rock. “I need to get through here.”

Kylo looked around. “Rey, that’s not beach sand. That’s solid rock. How are we supposed to get through that?”

She finally turned back to him. “I don’t know but my crystal is back there. I won’t choose another.”

He sighed and walked up to the wall, his fingers skimming it. Even as Kylo Ren, he’d have trouble moving several tons of solid rock. “We don’t have any mining equipment. And if we try explosives, we could bring the whole cave down on us.”

Rey licked her lips and thought for a few seconds before taking his hand and putting it in a certain place over the rock. “Can you feel the crystal?”

He closed his eyes and searched. Sure enough, about three foot from his hand, he could feel the presence of a crystal. It was larger than the others in the cavern. “I feel it.”

Her gave met his. “Maybe we can pull it through the rock.”

“We might shatter it if we do that.”

She looked mutinous for a second before her expression smoothed out. “I’ll focus on keeping it together if you focus on pulling it. You’re stronger than me when it comes to actually moving things.”

He didn’t see any other way, really, so he nodded and they both put their hands on the rock. He let his mind drift and felt Rey’s thoughts begin to coalesce with his. He needed her to boost his power and she needed him to help her focus.

They both closed their eyes and he could feel the force surrounding the crystal as Rey put everything she had into protecting it. He then reached out a few threads and wound them tightly around the protective barrier and began pulling. It wasn’t working at first so he began to add more threads and increase the strength of the pull.

Eventually it started to tremble and the rock beneath his fingers cracked from the strain. His breathing slowly became labored due to the burden of using that much of his energy. And fatigue was quickly setting in as he did his best to minimize damage to the rest of the cavern while still maintaining the pressure of the force on the rock.

His eyes blinked a few times as the crystal began to move and it was wearing him out more than he wanted to admit to. He’d never been this drained. But just as he was about to stop, he felt Rey’s fingers curl around his and breathed a sigh of relief when her power joined with his and he felt their communion with both sides of the force. It was their first time doing such a thing and the burst of energy almost knocked the wind from him. He heard yelling and didn’t know if it was him or Rey as the strain of the power and the pressure began to wear on him.

It may have been hours or minutes, he was unsure which, but suddenly light filled the dim cave and his eyes opened. He could see the crystal. _It was there_. His fingers ran over the smooth surface, marveling at it.

He let go of the connection with the force and all at once, he felt like he’d run a marathon and his legs were unable to hold him up. He fell back onto his rear and barely managed to keep his head from cracking on the floor.

He looked up as Rey pulled the crystal the rest of the way and held it in her hand. It was larger than most of the ones he’d seen and glowed even more brightly. She didn’t seem out of breath at all, which chapped him a bit but he didn’t comment on it. She probably wouldn’t hear him anyway as she looked completely entranced by the crystal.

Rey eventually pulled it close to her and wrapped her arms around it, cradling it and she turned back to him. “I found it, Kai. I found my crystal.”

He was still having trouble moving and she finally seemed to notice that and knelt by his side. “Kai, are you alright?”

He nodded and she helped him off the floor, though he had to also use the wall to help support himself at first. “I’m fine. It just took a little more out of me than I was expecting. That thing is huge. You could probably make a dozen lightsabers from that.”

She smiled up at him. “You were amazing. The sheer volume of force energy coming off of you could probably be felt from a dozen systems away!”

He certainly hoped that wasn’t the case but... “We should leave just in case you’re right.”

She nodded and they began to walk out of the cavern and she says, “Anyway, I don’t need to make that many lightsabers. I just need one.”

Kylo pretended to look thoughtful. “What about two? Maybe they can attach together like your staff. You seem pretty proficient in fighting with it.”

She turns to him with her lips pursed. “That’s not a bad idea, but it’ll require double to amount of parts and a few of the things on that list looked expensive.”

Kylo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He would be damned if the two of them didn’t get their lightsabers because of something as plebian as _money_. He was far more concerned about actually finding some of those parts.

He eyed her crystal. “Well, we’ll have to see what we can do about that. But I think you’d be magnificent with a staff saber.”

Kylo looked back up at her face and became strangely enamored when her ears and cheeks flushed at the compliment. He hadn’t just been paying lip service, either. He meant it.

They came out of the cave and Rey looked up at him. “Do you feel anything? Any kind of pull?”

Kylo closed his eyes and felt as far as he could but he could feel no connection. “I don’t feel anything.”

His eyes opened and she seemed to deflate at that so he put his arm around her shoulder and started leading her back to the ship. “Let’s fly to another part of the planet and see if I feel anything anywhere else.”

He wouldn’t, of course. There was no crystal here on this planet for him. He knew that because his uncle had taken him here when he’d been a boy and he’d felt nothing. Eventually, Kylo had faked finding a crystal and had just taken one that he thought would fight his power the least. It was a terrible green saber that he’d destroyed as soon as he’d created the red cross-saber.

They landed on other parts of the planet and he made a show of getting out and feeling around for a crystal but none called to him. He’d initially planned to take a random crystal but after seeing what finding a crystal that formed a true connection had meant to Rey…He would find his own perfect crystal.

They got back on the ship and Rey smiled at him. “There are five more planets we can visit. We’ll find your crystal.”

Kylo nodded and eyed her as they took off. She still hadn’t let go of the glowing gem and it sat in her lap as they flew through the clouds and back into space. They checked three more planets and a week later, they were on their fourth.

They sat in front of a camp fire and Kylo can’t help but look over and Rey who is sitting in on the ground with her crystal between her legs while she took apart her staff in preparation for eventually placing the larger crystal chambers inside it. Her face was deep in concentration and he could see every detail of it by the light of, not just the fire but also, the plethora of crystals that grew around of the mouth of the cave that they are using at the moment. He hated looking at them. They were a reminder that he didn’t have one to really call his own. Perhaps he should just give up so they could move on.

She didn’t look up from her work as she spoke. “Don’t even think about it.”

His eyes snapped back to her. “What?”

“You aren’t using any of these crystals for your lightsaber.”

He scowled at that. “I could use any of them. It probably doesn’t even matter all that much. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

At this she finally looked up. “Yes it does. We’ve only been searching for a week and we still have two more planets to search. Your perfect match is out there.”

“And if it isn’t?”

She shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.”

Kylo looked away from her. The last couple of months had taken the edge off his furious temper and he’d allowed the light side of the force to temper the beast. But he felt that his frustration was mounting.

She scooted over to him and held her hand out. He just looked at her hand and then back at her face so she beckoned him with her fingers. “Come on, Kai.”

He sighed and took her hand and Kylo felt her fingers curl around his. It was only seconds before he felt what she wanted him to. She was channeling the perfectly complete connection she had with her crystal. It didn’t speak so much as convey its feelings and goals to Rey.

He basked in the feeling as if he could do anything if he had that crystal by his side. But it only reminded him of his own failings and he became even more bitter at himself for not trying harder before to find his own crystal.

Kylo pulled his hand from her; breaking the connection and he looked away. He didn’t want to see the sadness on her face.

She got up and carried her crystal and staff back to the ship but she paused before entering. “Kai, let’s go and try the next planet.”

He was tired and knew she had to be too. “Don’t you want to get some sleep?”

But Rey shook her head. “No. I don’t need as much sleep anymore.” She didn’t say anymore as she went inside the ship. And that was another thing. The changes in her were becoming more pronounced, the longer they went on. He knew her dreams had changed but she wouldn’t tell them what they had become.

And he felt something he couldn’t remember ever feeling before. _Guilt._ She wasn’t the same person that she’d been that day in the interrogation room. She was stronger with the force but the darkness was spreading within her and making her personality shift to something else at times.

She was sleeping less and less in a vain attempt to avoid the dreams. She was still fighting the darkness rather than letting it in and the constant struggle was taking its toll. The most obvious thing being that it made her…testy at times and he would honestly hate to see the result of someone bearing the brunt of her anger as she was now.

He got up and put the fire out; stomping on it until only embers remained. The dark haired man looked around the cave again before making his way to the ship which was powering up. As he stepped inside and entered the cockpit; he looked over at her.

Kylo couldn’t help but wonder how far the changes to her personality would go. What that piece of him was doing to her. He’d known it would…shift her personality. Snoke often spoke to him of how the former emperor, Darth Sideous had used his power to open Anakin Skywalker’s eyes to the truth of the force and of the Jedi. He felt no guilt doing the same to her.

But was he going too far, he wondered. If he told her now, who he was, would she turn from him? Should he pull back or stay the course? They were questions, he wasn’t ready to answer.

Kylo grimaced as they landed on the last planet on the list. The previous one had been a bust just like the rest and now this planet was his last hope. Rey did the planetary scan and he looked it over.

They were in the northern part of the planet during its winter months so it was dark there 92% of the time but this area had the highest concentration of force crystals on the planet so this had been the best place to start.

Rey got up, carrying her crystal, and turned to him. “Remember, feel out for the connection. It might be very weak but if there is the slightest thread, you need to follow it.”

Kylo sighed. “I know.”

He got up and the pair exited the ship. It was colder than the first planet and snow fell around them but this time, he’d been able to trade for some heavier coats while traveling between the seconds and third planet on the list. They weren’t the quality that he’d prefer but they would do until he could slip away from her.

They came out and stood there in the darkness. Rey was quiet behind him as he closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He felt the force drawing him out of his body and whispering to him to find what he’d come to find. It was waiting for him. Had been _waiting so long for him to find it_.

His mouth opened and he knew his jaw trembled a bit as the corners of his mouth turned up. It was here. He began to move forward, walking slowly through the packed snow. Rey walked behind him and their only source of light at that point was the glow given off by her crystal.

It’s only the barest whisper of awareness, really, but it’s enough. And the farther they walked, the more he could feel it calling to him. It was far away from the cache of crystals that they’d come to investigate and hours later, his legs felt stiff in the blinding chill and his eyes stung from the wind and he almost walked over it.

But there in the snow, only the smallest sliver of light glowed from the ground. Kylo fell to his knees, his heart was racing and he could hear Rey saying something but he couldn’t understand. Nothing else mattered as he dug the frozen ice from around the crystal.

It didn’t take him long. It’s perhaps one of the tiniest crystals with only two small protrusions, each no more than the circumference of his thumb. But even so, it was perfectly white and, in his eyes, the most beautiful of all the crystals he’d ever seen. It called to him, asking him to take it and make it strong… _stronger than any other_.

He tried lifting it but found it attached to the rocky ground beneath. Kylo Ren only had to twitch his eye and the rock beneath his crystal shattered. Using the force, he brought his fingers up and beckoned it to him and the freed crystal floated up to land ever so gently into his hand. He felt the connection instantly. While most other crystals are content as they are, this crystal is like him and longs to be powerful. It knows that he can make it so.

Rey had allowed him to experience her own force connection but experiencing it for himself is like nothing he’d ever felt. He truly understood now why Rey hadn’t let her crystal out of her sight. Why she barely ever relinquished contact. He could spend eternity with this crystal. It felt like an extension of his very being and he knew that feeling would only grow when he used himself as a conduit to transfer even more of the power of the force into it.

He turned to Rey and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears but there was a smile on her face as she came towards him and knelt beside him in the snow. He smiled at her. A real smile rather than the false one he usually wore. He allowed her inside of his mind to experience his connection as she had allowed him to experience hers. It was no different than any other time they’d connect but somehow it seemed far more intimate for them to share their connections simultaneously.

Her voice was soft. “You found it.”

Kylo looked back down at his crystal before meeting her gaze once more. “I did…Thanks to you.”

At this, a tear slipped out and she then threw an arm around his shoulder and hugged him. She still held her own crystal and he felt it digging into his chest a bit as she held it between them but he didn’t care as he brought his own free hand around her waist and held her to him.

Eventually, they pulled apart and stood back up. Kylo took her hand in his and held it so she was close as he looked down at her. He felt a strange feeling wash over him and it took him a second to identify it. He wanted to kiss her. Kylo Ren had never felt physical or romantic desire for another person before. He’d always been drawn to power only, uncaring of the form it took.

He turned the feeling of it over inside his mind, examining it to try and figure out what to do. He knew that some of it stemmed from the dark energy he’d been infusing her with while she slept. A part of himself would always be with her and he would always be able to find her.

He could see on her face that if he kissed her she would allow it, even welcome it. But he didn’t. Doing so would change their relationship irrevocably. Snoke had warned him long ago that to begin a physical connection at that level with another force-user was to commune as one with the force and that was a connection that could never be broken, even in death.

Anakin Skywalker had done such a thing with Padme Nebarrie, neither being aware of Padme’s own weak connection to the force. Their love, while real, was manifestation of their communion with the force and the impetus of Anakin’s obsession with Padme and their eventual children. He became stronger through her but it had cost him dearly in the end.

Kylo Ren would not make the same mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit 100 kudos! Thanks!

Rey would never admit it to anyone but she was slightly disappointed. She had wanted Kai to kiss her and while she had almost no experience with men, she could tell he had the same thought, she’d felt it through the force. But he hadn’t kissed her. He’d just smiled and held her hand as they began their trek back to the ship.

Perhaps she had done something wrong? Or maybe he was waiting for something? Doubts festered within her. What if he had a girl (or guy) on another planet that he just didn’t talk about? What if he’d had a wife on Hosnian Prime? Or maybe he wasn’t _really_ interested in a scavenger girl from a pit like Jakku. She was tempted to yell at him, demand an explanation but that would just make the situation worse. Her temper had never been bad before but every once in a while, something would just rub her the wrong way.

Their walk back to the ship was silent. She could feel Kai’s attention was still squarely on his crystal and not much else and she remembered the feeling. Still, they eventually made it back to the spacecraft and they got on board, both heaving a sigh of relief when the door finally shut, cutting them off from the frigid temperatures outside.

They had a few choices about what to do next but she knew he would prefer to make the decision about where to go once they were off the planet. Worlds that had such a strong connection to the force were hard to be on for any length of time. It was like everything was drowned out by white noise. They took off, and Rey noticed that Kai had put his small force crystal into his breast pocket. Hers was far too large for that and she kept it in her lap during takeoff.

The ship breached the atmosphere in seconds and they were swiftly flung into space. And just like that, the fog of force power from the planet lifted from her mind. The stars shown brightly on the other side of the plasma glass and she took a deep breath an felt for the first time since they’d arrived that she could really breathe again.

Kai had already taken his crystal out of his pocket and was just holding it while looking it over. She left him to it. It would probably be another hour before he shook off the full effects of the new force connection.

She carried her own crystal back to the ‘lounge’ area of the ship. And by lounge she meant the space in the hallway where two chairs and a table were bolted to the floor. She carried her crystal and a datapad with her back there and sat down.

They had two options as far as she could tell. They could either locate a planet to begin their meditations on the crystals themselves or they could head for the closest trading planet and see about finding the parts for the lightsabers. She supposed it didn’t matter which as they would be unable to complete their lightsabers without the force-infused crystals _and_ the parts.

She heard movement and looked up to see Kai standing in the hall. “I didn’t think you’d be ready to do anything for a little while yet.”

Kai shrugged and came over and sat across from her. He took the datapad and looked it over. “I can multi-task.”

She gave him a look that said she was unimpressed. “Sure. Anyway. What do you want to do next?”

He clicked a few things on the pad. “We only have around a quarter of our tanks filled with fuel and about a week of food left. Kortab is the nearest large trading planet. We should be able to get just about everything there.”

She nodded. “I had the same thought.”

Kai got up and made his way back to the cockpit and she followed him. It was only a matter of entering the coordinates and sitting back for a few minutes before they were orbiting Kortab. It was a trading planet on the border of the Expansion Region and the Mid Rim Territories.

They docked in one of the larger cities and disembarked. Rey went ahead while Kai took care of the paperwork for the docking permit. She took out her pad and looked over the list of parts they needed. Hopefully, they would be able to find enough parts for at least two sabers. Extras of everything would be ideal in case something broke but they were already on a tight budget as it was.

Kai came up behind her. “Hey. You ready for this?”

The city was large and perhaps a bit overwhelming but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. “It’s fine. The docking go alright? How expensive was it?”

Kai gave her a secretive smile. “Not as expensive as you might think.”

She blinked. “Please tell me you didn’t mess with the dock worker’s mind.”

Kai didn’t look even the slightest bit embarrassed. “As you so helpfully like to remind me, we are low on funds at the moment. What would you do if paying that fee cost us a plasma mirror or crystal chamber?”

“We don’t know what the cost will be, yet.”

He took the pad and waved it around. “None of this is gonna be cheap, Rey.”

She scowled. “That doesn’t make it right.”

He looked at her as if gauging how far to push before he smiled and raised his hand up in mock surrender. “Look, all I’m saying is those vendors will try to gouge you since some of these parts are pretty rare. Don’t let them.”

She nodded and he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out his cred chip. “Here, there’s a couple thousands credits still on this. Use it for the parts.”

She took it but her brows knitted. “What about food and fuel?”

Kai looked around. “You let me worry about that. I’ll get us a couple of transport jobs for some quick credits. Head back to the ship whenever you get done and wait for me there.”

She nodded and gave his hand a squeeze before they parted and she made her way into the crowds. Rey walked for a few minutes, taking in the loud noises of the people of all different colors, sizes, and shapes that bustled along the market looking at wares.

It was a vibrant planet and the force moved around quickly here, like rushing water. Before long she found herself in front of a parts shop. It was a tad on the grimy side but that was to be expected. She didn’t feel the need to go to any of the more upscale stores because of her budget, and besides, she was a scavenger. She was used to that kind of thing. Rey went inside and looked around. Machines and parts in varying stages of wear were piled all over the place and a thin layer of dust covered every inch of the shop.

She looked around but didn’t see anyone a first but when her attention turned a particularly precarious pile, a voice called from the back, “Can I help you?”

Rey looked up and watched as an older male mirialan came out of the back. He, like his shop, was a bit dusty and he was wiping his hand on his apron.

She smiled. “I’m looking for some machine parts.” She held out her pad with the list. “These parts.”

He examined the list carefully and looked back up at her suspiciously. “I got none of this.”

He shoved the pad back into her hand and Rey blinked, taken aback by his tone. “Is something the matter?”

“I got none of those part. Please leave.”

She looked at him in confusion and couldn’t help but slip into his mind. He was scared. Her eyes narrowed and she saw flashes of men in dark clothing and storm troopers. The Knights of Ren had been there before.

“I’m not with the Knights of Ren. I’m with the resistance.”

At this the man backed away. “You one of them force-users, aren’t you. I recognize that list.”

“Yes. I don’t want any trouble, I just want a few parts and I’ll be on my way.”

The mirialan looked pensive for a seconds and he looked around her through the windows in the front as if expecting to see an army of storm troopers. She could tell he was weighing his options and apparently making a living won out.

“I only got a few of those items.”

“Anything would be helpful.”

“Come on. Wait at the counter and I’ll get them for you.”

She nodded and went back to the small desk and register. She watched him as he went about the shop, picking up items, seemingly at random for a few minutes before he returned to her side and put them all down.

She held up the pad and compared the drawings to the parts in front of her. Everything matched. “What’s the price?”

He looked everything over before his eyes slid back to her, no doubt taking in the threadbare nature of her clothing and windswept hair. “210 credits.”

She thought a second before nodding. It was a fair price for what was there so she dug out her chip and he rung it up. He put everything into a bag for her and handed it over.

“Thank you.” She turned to leave.

“No problem. But, girl…” Rey turned back to him.

“Yes?”

The mirialan pursed his lips. “The crystal chamber. You’re gonna have a hard time finding that.”

She looked at the blue print. It was the most important part. “Are they that rare?”

“No one makes them anymore. Not since the old republic and those First Order goons came through here a few years ago and took any of the jedi relics they could find, including saber parts.”

Rey hadn’t thought of such a thing. “Thank you for letting me know.”

She left the shop and looked around before heading down the street, her eyes sweeping the area for another shop she could try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, I know, but that was the natural ending point for it. That being said, the next chapter is a little more than twice the length of this one. It should be up tomorrow morning. As of now, there are 20 chapters total to this story and I'm going to try to get a chapter per day posted until it's done.
> 
> Additionally, I've been talking to a few of you in the comments about this fic and I didn't want to directly ask about it but, if anyone can KEEP UP with that pace and would like to beta read for me, that would be great. I'd usually send it out in the early evening and I'd need it back the next morning or early afternoon but I do try to keep a bit ahead of my posting schedule. If you're interested, please comment below or email me at sophiadreith@gmail.com


	10. Chapter 10

Rey sat at the hall table scrubbing the decade’s worth of grim that had accumulated on some of the parts she’d purchased. It was a bit warm inside the ship but she wasn’t about to leave it open for anyone to just walk into. As it was, she looked up when the tell-tale sound of the door carried from down the hall and Kai walking and she heard the door shut behind him. She saw that he was carrying a couple of envelopes and some larger bags which meant that he’d found work for them and she sighed in relief.

He sat down across from her and looked the multitude of parts over. “Looks like you had a good day.”

She already begun separating them out. “I got anywhere from four to six of each of the items on the list so we should have plenty.

“You got _everything?_ ”

She swallowed. “There’s a part called the crystal chamber. It’s the most vital part. I couldn’t find a single one.”

He didn’t seem surprised and she tried not to become irritated that he’d expected her to fail.

He shook his head at her. “Don’t take it that way. There’s always something missing. If it was easy, everyone would be carting lightsabers around. And besides. This is just one city, we’ve got a whole planet to look through still.”

She shrugged and eyed the envelopes. “So you found us a job?”

Kai put the bags on the ground before handing the envelopes over to her. She pulled the documents out and looked over the terms. They were fairly generous, she thought. There were two job but both were for the same person. They’d be hauling a shipment of textiles to two different planets. The employer was providing the fuel directly along with a decent amount of credits that she hoped would be worth the same amount by the time the job was done.

Kai put one of the bags up on the table. “He also bought us dinner.”

Rey looked up from the contracts and at the plastic bag in front of her. It was tied off but a bit of condensation had formed inside from steam. She hadn’t eaten much that day so she reached over and untied the bag.

The smell of meat and starch filled the small space. She reached inside and pulled out the round container and opened it. It smelled alright but whatever it was looked strange.

“You’ve never had these?”

She shook her head and he smiled. “They’re called soup dumplings. I used to eat them all the time as a kid. They were my favorite. This planet has the best ones and my dad…”

Kai trailed off and she said, “You never talk about your family.”

He began divvying them out onto two small disposable plates. “There’s nothing to tell, really. My parents were almost non-existent for most of my life. My mother was our village leader and far too busy to deal with her own son so we had a couple of droids that were my friends. My dad was a transporter for the village so he wasn’t around much, either. Then the First Order came and they’re both dead now so it’s not like any of it matters anymore.”

He handed the plate to her and she put her hand over his. He was sad but she also felt bitterness and resentment coming from him. “I’m sorry that your parents weren’t there for you.”

He shrugged. “They made sure I didn’t want for anything and my life was pretty cushy, all things considered. It was just…lonely.” He smiled sadly for a second before shaking it off and pointing to the dumplings. “You need to eat them a special way.”

He showed her the way he’d always eaten them and she copied him, slurping down the savory liquid with a look of pure joy. _He was right._ They were amazing and if she ate far more than her fair share of them, he was polite enough not to comment on it except to ask her if she wanted to have them again the next day.

She gulped down the last one and looked at him. “I feel like I could eat these every day for the rest of my life.”

Kai laughed. “Let’s not overdo it.” His voice became wistful. “After this is all over, I’ll take you around the galaxy so you can try everything. There are thousands of worlds out there, all with their own culture, food, art…I want you to see it all.”

She smiled. “That would be nice.”

“Yeah. It will be.”

They cleaned everything up and she put the bag into their trash compactor before turning back. Kai stood there holding up two of the bags. She walked up and took it from him.

She looked inside and just saw grey fabric. “What’s this?”

Kai seemed uncomfortable for a second before speaking. “Well, I was talking to the textile guy and he was showing some of their fabrics and pointing out their uses. And you’ve been wearing the same two sets of clothing for almost five months now. Not that you don’t look fine, I mean…”

She knew what he meant and while he hadn’t said it, she’d been very aware of how threadbare and stained her clothing had become in the last few months. “So…”

“The guy threw in a couple of extra bolts of fabric for free so I had some things made for you at one of the seaming shops.”

She pulled out the clothing from the first bag and looked it over, unsure of how it was supposed to work. She looked back up at him so he pointed out a few things and told her the order they should be put on in.

“Why don’t you go try it all on and we’ll make sure it’s all correct.”

She nodded and carried the bag into her room. It may have taken her a bit longer to get into all of it as there were several layers but thankfully, most of the materials had some stretch so they fit perfectly and would be easy to move around in.

She came back out and looked over at Kai. His eyes were wide and his pupils blown at the sight of her and she felt her ears redden slightly. “Looks alright?”

Kai cleared his throat and got up before walking to her. “Yeah. I mean. It suits you.”

The outfit was done in different shades of grey that seemed to blend together seamlessly. The shirt was a pant-less lighter grey body suit that had no sleeves and was high-necked. Over that was a pair of form-fitting darker pants that she tucked into her black boots. Her arms would be covered by sleevelets of the same grey shade. This was all rounded off with a chiffon over piece that draped over her shoulders and fell around her knees much like her desert look. At the top it was the same light grey color but it faded to black as it reached the bottom. The whole thing was belted at the waist.

“It’s—It’s really beautiful, Kai.”

Kai handed her another of the bags. “There’s a couple more changes of that stuff along with a few extras in this bag but I also got you this.” He pulled the last of the packages aside and reached inside and revealed a long trench coat. He helped her put it on. She found it wasn’t heavy at all but was very comfortable to wear. The coat was black but had some kind of grey pattern embroidered all over it and it had a high collar and hood that Kai pulled up over her head.

She smiled at him. “Not exactly discreet.”

Kai shook his head. “Discreet is over rated. We’re not part of some ancient order but we’re strong, we should dress the part.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, that's a bit theatrical.”

But he didn’t seem bothered. “Hey, half the time, theatrics are all you need to get the job done.”

She couldn’t help but ask. “You got these made so quickly. How did you afford this?”

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. The roto seamer had one of those kiosks that makes your clothing for you. It was a small fee to have one of their people put the design together for me. But that’s why I was able to get it all done in one day…And I knew you’d be mad if I just had them do it for free.”

She smiled and took his hand. “Thanks.” But she sighed. “So what do we do about the crystal chamber? What if we find one and it’s too expensive because it's rare?”

“We’ll worry about the money later. We don’t pick up the textiles until the day after tomorrow so we’ll try a couple of the other cities in the meantime.”

She nodded and went back to her room and took the outfit off. She didn’t want to scrub parts while wearing it.

Rey stepped off the ship the next day after they landed in another city. She felt powerful and, for the first time that she could remember, she felt beautiful in her new clothing. It was a bit colder in this part of the planet so she wore the coat with the hood up but didn’t fasten it closed.

She looked back as Kai came out of the ship behind her and shook her head while smiling. He’d gotten a few things for himself as well. She should have known. His clothing was similar to hers and it was fairly obvious that they were meant to match. His shoulders weren’t bared but he still sported a thicker over piece that was shorter. His clothing was a much darker grey than hers but his coat was black as well and matched hers in style though it lacked the patterns. She tried not to think that it made him look like a Knight of Ren, more specifically, Kylo Ren. She didn’t want to think about him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of longer scraps of fabric. “Here, wrap this around your face and keep your hood up.”

She took it and found that it was a piece of the light grey chiffon. “Why?”

Kai wrapped his own face, leaving only his eyes uncovered. “This particular city is a bit rougher than the one we were in yesterday. If things go south for whatever reason, I don’t want our faces broadcast over the ‘net. Take this too.”

He handed her a blaster that she attached to her belt and let the coat fall over it. She also did as he asked and wrapped the chiffon over her mouth and nose. “You really think it will be that bad?”

Kai only shrugged. “Better to ere on the side of caution.”

She nodded and the pair left, making their way through the streets. This city was dirtier than the last one and people were not nearly as friendly. It was all she could do to keep from snapping at the rude people that passed by. Many of whom, made cat calls towards her.

“Just ignore them.”

“I’m trying.”

Indeed it felt like something inside her was uncurling and looking for an excuse to commit violence. She kept it bottled up as much as possible as they tried shop after shop, only to be turned away. They eventually got a name of a zygerrian junker called Nybren who they were told had gathered up the rest of the chambers.

They walked out of the last shop with the name and Rey turned to Kai. “Zygerrians are a vicious race that sell their own kind into slavery. What if he won’t part with the chambers?”

Kai shook his head as they walked down the street in the direction of the junker’s shop. “Everything in the galaxy is for sale. It’s just a matter of figuring out a price.”

Rey nodded but was still doubtful. She tried not to stare as the streets got narrower and the lighting dimmer. Prostitutes and slick dealers trudged around looking for buyers and Kai had to wave off more than a few of both as they made their way to the shop.

The pair eventually came to a stop outside a junkyard, surrounded by fencing lined with razor wire. She could see small hills of smashed ships piled all over the place along with broken down machines that looked to be in the process of being repaired. There was a building that she supposed was the retail space in the front so they went in there.

As they walked inside, Rey could see spottily repaired machines sitting on every available surface and the place was as filthy as she’d expected. She stayed by the door as Kai went further in, eyeing the place for anything resembling a crystal chamber. After a few minutes of silence, the Zygerrian came out of the back.

He eyed them with their noticeably more expensive attire with unconcealed avarice. “Come looking for crystal chambers, have you?”

She tried not to look surprised but apparently he picked up on that even without a response as he shrugged. “No one who dresses like that comes to these parts without something very specific in mind and the only thing I have here that would draw the likes of you are my crystal chambers.”

Kai stepped forward. “What’s the price?”

The zygerrian looks thoughtful for a few seconds. “10,000 credits. _Each_.”

Rey’s eyes widened in shock. “That is outrageous.”

But the junker just shrugged. “That’s what they’re worth, babydoll. The First Order confiscated almost all of them but I’ve got the last ones left in this entire sector.”

She felt out his mind and instantly became repulsed. Not only was he selling the chambers for more than ten times what he himself had gotten them for but he was also making money on the side as an informant for the First Order. He was placing small trackers in the chambers and then selling the information to the Order so they could track down anyone who bought them and presumably eliminate or force them into service with the Knights.

Her eye twitched as Kai attempted to negotiate for the chambers. He too, knew what is going on and she could feel his desire to slit the throat of the rodent he spoke to. His feelings combined with her own disgust caused her temper to begin to flare.

Rey forced her gaze away from the junker. She looked anywhere but at him. But she felt his eyes on her, his thoughts clear to her as he mentally undressed her and weighed the price he’d get if he sold her to one of the brothels. Her teeth clenched but she did her best to ignore the odious little beast.

It all came to a head when the zygerrian continued to wave off Kai’s attempts to negotiate and he turned back to eye her. “Tell you what. I’ll trade two chambers to you. _For her_.”

Her head snapped up and she could feel Kai trying to calm her down as her breathing picked up. “You vile, disgusting little creature! How dare you!”

Her eyes didn’t move from the junker even as his leering smiled dropped from his face and he began clawing at his own neck. A few seconds went by before he fell to the floor, his breathing cut off. She watched, taking a malevolent sort of glee as he struggled for oxygen; trying to fight the power of the force. Her hand was out and her fingers stretched in his direction as she walked forward. The zygerrian was lifted from the ground and slammed into the wall as she moved closer.

Kai is beside her, his hand on her arm. “Rey! What are you doing?”

But she shook her head and pushed him away. “This foul cretin thought to buy me as if I were nothing but furniture! I’m doing the galaxy a favor by removing the stench of his existence.”

Kai pushed back and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Rey. This isn’t you. _Stop._ ”

And just as quickly as the haze came over her, his words jolted her back to herself. The alien fell to the ground and scrambled up and all but ran into the back of the shop. Rey stood there, her hand still raised and she brought it to her face and looked at it as if she didn’t recognize her own fingers.

She turned to look at him for a few seconds before running from the shop.

Kylo knew he should go after her but he didn’t. The reason for their being in that dirty little shop was still in effect. Only now…Rey wasn’t there and she wouldn’t have to witness his methods. He could hear the vermin cocking a blaster from behind the curtain and he smiled.

Rey sat in the cockpit of the ship, panting not just in exertion from her run back but also in shock and fear at what she had almost done. If Kai hadn’t stopped her, she’d have killed that shop owner. He was the lowest of scum but that wasn’t a reason to kill him.

A voice whispered in her mind that if the creature thought it could get away with saying such a thing, that it had almost assuredly done such a thing in the past and _had_ gotten away with it. It was a stain on the galaxy and deserved to die.

She shook her head and released her thoughts into the force, trying to force the dark feelings from her head.

She heard the ship door open and close and she shut her eyes as Kai came in a sat down. “Rey.”

She turned and found him looking at her in concern, his eyes sparkling in that way they did at times. He was holding a small bag that he dropped onto the dash. “I got the parts. He practically shoved them at me if I promised he never had to see us again.”

“There are trackers in those.”

“I’ve already removed them.”

Her eyes shut. “How can you be so calm? I almost killed him.”

He reached out and took her hand and she felt him enveloping her mentally like a soft blanket, blocking out the nastiness of the world they lived in. “Rey, you haven’t really slept in weeks and you’ve been stressed about these parts. It was a mistake.”

But she shook her head and her lips trembled as tears of frustration slipped from her eyes. “I can’t sleep. He keeps finding me.”

“Kylo Ren.”

She nodded. “I think when I’m asleep, I’m not able to guard myself as well and he can use that to track me. I can tell he hasn’t let go of me.”

Kai leaned in closer. “Rey, he _won’t_ get you. You and me. Together we’re stronger than him.”

She dropped his hand. “You don’t understand. He’s inside me. It doesn’t matter how well I can fight because I can feel his influence eating away at me. I feel like he’s driving me _insane…_ ” She wasn’t looking at him but she heard his sharp intake of breath.

His voice was soft. “It doesn’t matter. _He_ doesn’t matter. You just need to focus on your abilities. Forget everything else.”

“But at what cost? What if I go dark?”

“Rey, remember the teachings from the archive. You have to _allow_ the darkness in for it to take hold. You are pure light, you never willingly let it in. Kylo Ren is just trying to scare you into making a mistake.”

She finally looked at him. “It’s working. That masked creature…he’s the stuff of nightmares. I feel so powerless when I think of him.”

“Then don’t think of him. Think of your friends…Think of General Leia. Think of… _me._ ”

She looked at him again and he reached up and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her from her seat and into his lap. He’d never done such a thing before but she appreciated it now as she buried her face into his neck. He might never love her the way she wanted to be loved but that was alright with her. So long as he stayed with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. The first real bought of violence from Rey, though it won't be the last. But let's be honest, if you hadn't slept in weeks you'd probably force choke someone too. I know that I have metaphorically bitten the heads off of people in the past after some long nights.
> 
> I have this weird pet peeve where, for some reason, I hate it when people describe outfits. I don't know why it makes me shake my head but there it is. And of course, what did I do? I described the outfit. I twitched while writing it and went back and forth on adding it or taking it out. Even so the description isn't really complete because I didn't want it taking up too much space. I sort of envisioned there to be an extra attachment that would fasten under the collar of the coat so that it would have a thicker cape as well. They travel to all sorts of planets with all sorts of climates so I wanted it to be versatile. And I probably could have used the word 'ombre' to decribe the fade effect of the chiffon over-piece, but that seemed too 'earth' and not terribly 'Star Wars'.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my beta-reader, Firelord65 for putting up with my questions about which places to tweak and for catching all those errors!

Rey awoke alone in the tiny bed and sat up to rub the sleep from her eyes. Kai had already left and was probably inputting the coordinates for the planet they’d picked out to meditate on. She looked around the room for a second and wondered if she should ask to move her things—at least some of them—into…Their room?

She hadn’t intended to move into his bedroom but after the incident with the shopkeeper, Kai had pulled her into his quarters and sat her down onto the bed. She’d been stunned at first, not understanding what was going on as her friend stripped down to just his pants.

He pulled a shirt from his cabinet and tossed it to her. “You’ll sleep with me from now on.”

She held the shirt in front of her for a few seconds, blinking at it stupidly. “What?”

He crouched down until his face was level with hers. “You lost control because you haven’t been sleeping and you haven’t been sleeping because you’ve been staying in your room. You’ll sleep in here with me so I can make sure you’re resting.”

She raised a brow and her mouth twisted. “I’m not a baby. You don’t need to sacrifice your space and privacy for me.”

She got up and pushed past him but he grabbed her arm and held her in place. “I’m not asking, Rey. We’ve got a couple of days’ worth of transport jobs before we head to Morag and I intend to ensure that you sleep for most of that.  _ Now _ , I’m going to go put the ship on autopilot and when I get back in here, you’ll be changed and ready for bed.”

She looked mutinous but said nothing as he walked out. She looked back at the shirt crumpled on the bed and was tempted to shred the thing. What gave him the right to order her around like that? She sat down again and held her head. He was right, though. She hadn’t been sleeping and she was going crazy.

He’d be back soon so Rey hastily stood up and removed her clothing, draping it across the back of a chair as she went along. She pulled the shirt on and it fell to just above her knees. She was in the middle of removing her trousers when Kai came back in. He eyed her but said nothing as she backed up on the bed and got as close to the wall as she could.

Both rooms aboard were bunk style and each bed was only designed to hold one person. They both knew that and as he turned the light off, she held her breath. A few seconds later, she felt the bed dip and he slid in next to her. She faced away from him, her face inches from the wall.

He didn’t touch her for at first and she took a shuddering breath. Then his fingers brushed her arm and came around to her middle and she felt his chest push against her back. She blinked a few times. She’d never been this close to a man before in her life. Some of the other scavengers, male and female, had tried to start something with her a few times but she’d just never been interested.

But Kai was different. He was her best friend. And she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. She eventually shut her eyes as his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. It was only a few minutes before she also nodded off.

That first morning, waking up on her back with Kai all but covering her, had been an experience. The man had an arm and a leg thrown over her while his face had been buried in her neck and she’d felt a tiny bit of drool on her skin.

It probably would have been cute if she’d been able to actually see it but she’d had to settle on him waking up and blinking down at her in confusion while wiping the corner of his mouth in embarrassment.

That had been three days ago and she was ashamed to admit that she’d spent most of that time sleeping and had allowed Kai to handle the unloading while she napped. The dreams still happened occasionally when he wasn’t there but not as often and she was beginning to feel more like herself again.

She was shaken from her musings when the door opened and Kai stood there looking her over. “We just came out of hyperspace and we’re about to land on Morag.”

That must have been what had woken her up. “I’m ready. Just let me get dressed.”

He nodded and left her alone. She pulled her clothes on and stretched to remove the kinks from her back. She then tied her hair back in her customary buns and lifted her fingers into the air. Her crystal flew to her and landed into her outstretched palm and she left the room to head for the main hatch. The ship trembled as it landed and her companion met her at the door.

The hatch opened and she stepped out onto the dead planet while looking around. It reminded her of Jakku with its unending view of wasteland but it was different in that the ground wasn’t sandy. it was dry and cracked and covered in tall rocky formations. “This place is a wasteland.”

Kai nodded and stepped out beside her. “But it’s what we need. Isolation to draw on pure force power.”

She nodded. “Do we need to be on opposite sides of the planet?”

Kai looked at her. “You and I…it feels wrong to do this ritual without you here.”

She nodded and took the pallet that Kai held out to her and put it on the ground before sitting herself with her legs crossed in front of her.

She looked at him. “The text said this could take a while. Whoever gets done first can have the last batch of dumplings.”

He snorted out a laugh and she smiled in return before putting her attention back on her crystal. They’d gotten seven crystal chambers from the junker and she intended to reuse her staff and make it into a staff saber. She’d need two crystals for that but the text has said to make double the amount of crystals needed and to choose the most powerful ones as apparently different crystals reacted differently to the channeling of the force.

Her hands came up and the chunk of force crystal floated between her hands. She looked it over critically. Suddenly it shattered into the air. The pieces floated around her and she carefully chose the four best ones. The rest went into a small bag by her side. Kai only had the two crystals to work with so he would not need to choose.

She felt the force calling to her and drew it inside. She also felt the awakening of her dark passenger. It curled and twisted, but she did something she’d never done before. She used it and drew on its power to boost her own. Her eyes slid shut as she drifted into the meditative sleep of the force.

Kylo took a breath as he regained consciousness from his meditation. The first thing he noticed was that his stomach felt like it was eating itself. The second thing was the two glowing blue crystals that sat on the ground in front of him.

He looked at them and licked his chapped lips. “I did it.”

Both were blue like his grandfather’s had been and he felt a smile curving his lips as he picked them up. The light they gave off had been a modest glow before but now it was like looking into the sun. They were beautiful.

He held both in one hand and stood up. Or he tried to. His legs nearly gave out on him. How long had he been sitting there? He was so hungry and thirsty and his limbs felt like jelly. Kylo was forced to lean heavily on the ship as he practically limped back into the ship.

He noticed that Rey was still sitting with her crystal shards floating around in front of her chest as he went inside. All three were white in color which meant her spirit was still pure despite his influence. He thought he should be unhappy but he wasn’t. It meant that he hadn’t warped her as badly as he’d thought.

He clamored down the hall to their lounge and practically collapsed into one of the chairs.  _ Food _ . He needed food and water. He didn’t remember it being this hard the last time he’d done this. But then, his previous crystal was nowhere near as powerful as the two in his pocket.

He held his hand up and used the force to bring food and water to him and then set about ravenously consuming everything he could. Even cold rations tasted amazing after not eating for so long. He eyed the dumplings intending to eat all of them but instead settled on eating three and leaving the rest for Rey.

After about a half hour of working the feeling back into his limbs and filling his belly, he got up and gathered up some rations and a bottle of water. He also grabbed the parts he would need to start on his first lightsaber and a few other things.

He stepped back outside and placed the parts beside his pallet before walking back over to Rey’s still form. She was completely motionless but for her breathing and her crystals floated about her like sparkling white jewels. He wondered how long she would be, though it wouldn’t surprise him if her body was using the opportunity to recover even further from her lack of sleep.

She’d spent the vast majority of the time they’d needed to complete their transport job, asleep. And he hadn’t been able to bring himself to wake her up even when things needed to be unloaded. When he finished, he put the ship on autopilot, stepped into the fresher and then went back to join her in bed.

He’d never slept with another person before. It was a novel experience at first but he’d eventually come to enjoy holding her to him and getting as much skin to skin contact as possible. Kylo knew he was treading down a slippery slope but it was getting harder and harder to hold back.

He looked at her for a few more minutes, just taking everything about her in before sighing and putting the food and water down beside her. She’d want them when she woke up.

He walked over to his pile of parts and pulled a few things out and set about creating a fire. The light on the planet was dim and any extra light would be beneficial if he intended to get any work done. It wasn’t a roaring blaze but it would do so he went back to his pallet and sat down again, grimacing at the pain in his muscles.

Ren’s mouth twitched a bit as he looked over the parts. He couldn’t use the same cross saber design that he had in the past and he’d decided to go with something more traditional. His eyes slid to the casings that he’d gotten on Kortab. They were a perfect matched set of short hollow pipes but they were covered in scrolling details. He thought that might have perhaps been fancy door handles from a long torn down building. He’d never seen anything quite like them so when he’d spotted them among the rubbish in the—now dead—junker’s shop, he’d stuffed both into his pocket before leaving.

Kylo had spent the last few days cleaning them of the decades’ worth of grime that had settled into every nook and cranny of the design. He probably could have dropped them into an acid bath or something but he liked the patina on them and how they looked to have seen centuries of people. He almost hated to take his heat-laser to them but they had to be modified in order to work. He used his tools to cut one end of before carefully cutting a hole on the side to fit the rest of the innards. He worked on it for a few more hours, sanding and polishing to make sure that they retained their charm.

His fingers halted for a few seconds and he blinked a bit when he felt it.

The barest thread of life.

He looked around. That wasn’t possible, he could feel almost no force over the dead planet and it was the reason they’d chosen it. He set the casing down and held his hand out. His blaster flew out from the ship and landed in his palm as he stood up.

Rey was still dead to the world so he moved in front of her, his eyes searching the din for whatever had disturbed him. There was a flash of movement only a fraction of a second before a creature jumped out at him. He wasn’t terribly well versed in blasters so he used his force powers to push the animal away instead.

He looked it over and his eyes narrowed. This was not a creature of the force, it was something…other. More of them burst from the shadows and he fired the blaster, trying to take out as many as possible and keep them from Rey. They kept coming in wave after wave.

How had they not sensed such a threat?

He continued firing and using his force powers to keep them away but they were gaining ground. His head shook in denial. He would not die this way. His mind searched and he found his red lightsaber.

It began to twitch in its compartment as he called it to him, secrecy be damned.

But just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. All motion ceased.

The creatures hung in the air struggling to get free. Kylo knew he hadn’t been the one to do it so he turned back and looked towards Rey. She still sat on her pallet but now her crystals floated behind her like a halo of glowing white light and her arms were outstretched.

But none of that was as important as her eyes. They were the eyes of a dark-side user. Yellow, ringed in red.

_ No… _

He took a step towards her, intending to shake her out of it but the sound of crunching coming from behind him halted his movements He looked back around as one by one, the neck of the creatures snapped and they fell to the ground.

All was quiet as he looked back at her. Her eyes shifted towards him before widening and it was as if the strings holding her up were cut and she crumpled to the ground. She’d used a lot of power doing what she’d just done and he wasn’t sure if he should be proud of what he’d accomplished or not.

He’d think on it later. Kylo scooped her up and carried her swiftly back into the ship, laying her on their bed before going back out and collecting the rest of their things. The door closed behind him and he entered the bedroom and looked at her still form.

Things were getting out of hand. She was going too far in one direction. At the beginning, he would have delighted in this turn of events but his plans had changed. He needed to pull her back to the light or she’d end up feeling as he had before. He may have been the one to push her off the cliff but he wouldn’t let her fall too far before catching her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I want to thank Firelord65 for beta-reading this fic for me. She was a HUGE help to me for this chapter and it's better because of her advice. Thanks!

Her head was aching. That was Rey’s first notion as she woke up. Her eyes slid open before slamming shut at the light. She blinked a few times getting used to the light and looked around. She was in bed and the ship was moving.

She sat up gingerly, her hand pressed to her temple, and she leaned against the wall. “How did I get here?”

She heard footsteps and looked up as Kai came into the room. He came to her and handed her a couple of painkillers that she downed quickly.

He sat beside her and she couldn’t help but ask, “What happened?”

He wasn’t looking at her. “What do you remember?”

She frowned and thought back. “I remember slipping into the meditative sleep but nothing after that. Did something happen?”

“We were attacked by some kind of anti-force creature. There were dozens of them.”

Her brows knitted together. “I don’t remember anything like that. You got us out of there?”

He looked at her for a long moment before nodding. “I took care of it. You probably wouldn’t like my methods but it was them or us.”

She nodded. “It’s alright. I know you probably tried your best.”

His jaw clenched a bit. “Yeah. Anyway…we’re headed back to Takodana. I figure we can complete our lightsabers there. We should be dropping out of hyperspace soon.”

And sure enough, the tell-tale rumbling of the ship indicated that they were now in orbit above the planet. “Let’s go to Maz’s palace and work on them there. I want to be around people again.”

His brow raised and he looked unamused. “And what am I? A gungan?”

She laughed. “No, thank the stars! You know what I mean. We’ve been on a lot of empty planets lately and I just want to feel the minds of lots of people again.”

He nodded and smiled at her. “No problem. The bar it is. At least there are tables for us to work off. Otherwise we’d be sitting on this ship or in the sand.”

He got up and held a hand out to her. She looked at his outstretched fingers before putting her hand in his and letting him help her up. She instantly became slightly dizzy and he had to carry some of her weight as she leaned on him.

He reached into his pocket and handed her a ration bar. “Here. We were down on that planet for a while. You have to be hungry.”

And suddenly the usually foul protein bars sounded heavenly and she took it from him. They walked out of the room and he helped her down the hall to the cockpit where she sat down in the co-pilot’s seat.

She unwrapped the bar and proceeded to devour the flavorless dry food substitute. He left her but came back within minutes carrying a familiar round container along with a bottle of water.

Rey finished wolfing down the bar and probably looked pretty pathetic as she reached out to take the dumplings and water from him. “Oh…”

Kai smiled and shook his head as he handed her the food but didn’t tease her while she ate with her fingers. It was how she’d always done it on Jakku. She looked out the window of the cockpit at the system and the stars beyond it and marveled that this was her life. After being little more than a slave on Jakku for so long...she was traveling the galaxy and learning the ways of the force. Her eyes slid over to Kai who was looking through navigational charts. And she wasn’t alone anymore.

She finished her food just as Kai took the controls and began to fly the ship to their chosen destination. As they rounded the planet, she was able to see the blue and green swirl of Takodana below and despite having seen the planet many times, she still marveled at the beauty of it. How lush and green it was despite all the chaos of the galaxy that raged on.

As they came closer, Rey could see the landing pad was far fuller than  she’d ever seen before when she’d worked there. The ship set down onto the pad and she struggled a bit to get up. Her legs still felt weak so she had to lean on Kai a bit as she got up.

He looked down at her. “Do you want to rest a bit longer before going out?”

She shook her head. “No offense, but I need off this tin can.”

Kai laughed and shook his head while helping her towards the hatch.  Thankfully, by the time they reached it, she was able to mostly stand on her own. He left her there, breathing in the fresh air of the island planet, for a second while he went back inside and retrieved a couple of bags.

He handed the smaller one to her and she knew what they were without looking inside. Her crystals. She tied the pouch to her belt and Kai swung the larger bag so it was over his shoulder. She figured it was their lightsaber parts and Kai floated his thoughts to her and confirmed that he had everything, including her staff pieces.

Rey nodded and was about to begin walking when he reached over and took her hand. She froze and looked down as his fingers laced with hers and then back up at his face which was rapidly turning pink.

He was looking anywhere but at her as he said, “Just in case you still aren’t feeling well. I don’t want you to fall.”

Their connection had always been strong but when they touched, it was…pleasant. Any loneliness she felt evaporated with the presence of his mind brushing hers.

She nodded and they began walking through the parked ships towards Maz’s palace. Reconstruction of the place was almost complete, she could see. It was larger and even grander than before. Even the statue of the little alien was almost twice the size that it had been before and Rey couldn’t help but think that this was Maz’s way of giving the First Order the metaphorical middle finger.

Kai snorted beside her at her thoughts and she chuckled as well. She looked around at the sentients moving around the platform and she felt many of their eyes on them as they passed. She could hear some of their thoughts floating as if carried by the wind and tried not to blush at the complimentary nature of many of them. The temperature of the planet was beautiful, as usual, and the loose strips of grey chiffon fluttered in the wind as they walked, and many of the other pilots were completely fine with the view as she walked by, apparently.

Kai squeezed her hand and she looked up at him as he pulled her just a bit closer and she was suddenly cut off from everyone else’s thoughts.

She looked up at him. “Is that really necessary.”

But he wasn’t looking at her. He was staring down the pilots who had been looking their way. “Yes.”

She shook her head at him. He acted as if she was going to pick up and leave him with some salty pilot off to the outer rim.

He looked at her then and raised a brow. “None of them would put up with you that long.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes but said nothing else. They came to the grand entry way of the bar and Kai apparently felt the need to show off because he used his power to push the doors open without touching them.

The entrance caused everyone in there to look up and she nearly backed up when Maz, in her usual fashion, called out, “Rey! My girl, you’ve returned!”

She smiled and led Kai over to the little alien. Maz eyed their joined fingers before looking up at them. “Get yourself a boyfriend there, Rey?”

She instantly tried to drop Kai’s hand, but he held on. It would have been embarrassing if she tried to shake him off so she just smiled. “Not really. We’re just friends.” She felt the brush of irritation from their connection, but he said nothing and still didn’t let go. “Anyway, we just wanted to get a few drinks and work on some stuff off to the side.”

Maz smiled. “We’ve got plenty of room so don’t worry about it. I’ll be by there in a few minutes and we’ll get you a drink, yes?”

Rey smiled and thanked her before leading Kai over to a small booth that was well out of the way of the main room. There was plenty of space for them to work so they wouldn’t disturb others if they had to break out the heat laser, either.

Kai finally relinquished her hand as they sat down facing each other and he began pulling the parts and casings out of the bag. “I might not be your boyfriend, but we aren’t just friends, either.” She stopped what she was doing and glanced up to see him looking more than a little put out.

Rey tilted her head and eyed him critically. “What are we then, Kai?”

He looked pensive. “We’re…companions.”

She shook her head in exasperation. “Well, I’ll be sure to let Maz know about that.”

“Let Maz know what?” The ancient yellow alien had walked up to them.

Rey turned and smiled. “Kai and I are _companions_. We aren’t together romantically but we aren’t with anyone else.” Her head turned swiftly back to Kai and her words may have been a tad sharp. “Are we, Kai?”

Kai’s jaw dropped as he caught on to what she was actually asking and his hands came up in surrender. “Nope, just you! You’re the only girl—anyone…anyone in my life. Just you.”

Rey smiled and turned back to Maz who looked between the pair of them and said, “Well, I’m glad you got that all sorted out.”

Rey turned back to Kai and a smile spread across both their faces before they began laughing.

Maz rolled her eyes at them before looking over the items strewn over the table and her voice dropped a few decibels. “Now that is something I haven’t seen in an age. You two are building lightsabers.”

Rey nodded eagerly. “We’ve got our crystals too.”

Maz’s head tilted a bit. “May I see them?”

The both pulled their crystals out and Maz adjusted her optical enhancements to look them over. “White and blue. Those are the colors of the Jedi.”

Kai took his back and put them away. “We aren’t Jedi.”

Maz looked back at him with narrow eyes. “No, I suppose you aren’t.”

Kai pulled out the casings he planned to use for his lightsabers. It was Rey’s first time seeing them and she looked the ornate silver tubes over for a few seconds. They were far more stylized than anything she’d seen before and looked like something left over from a bygone age.

But Maz was still there waiting for an answer so Rey said, “I hope it’s alright for us to work on these in here.”

Maz smiled and patted her shoulder. “You do what you need to do, child. But you’re gonna get a drink while you do it.”

Rey smiled. “Can we get a couple of toydarian ales, please?”

“Got it. Anything to eat?”

She thought back to what was served while she worked there. “How about we keep it simple with the local platter?”

Kai didn’t look up and he didn’t object, so Maz wrote it down and walked off.

Rey pulled her staff parts to her and began fitting some of the components together. She spoke, keeping her voice even. “That was a little rude, Kai.”

He didn’t look away from his work but he answered her. “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

She sighed. His avoidance meant that he’d shut down and she wouldn’t get anything out of him now. So she set about working on her own saber, fitting the coils and mirrors inside and making everything stable with bits of spray foam. 

Hours later there were multiple empty glasses beside them and the only thing left from the platter was a half-eaten takodanan apricot dangling precariously from the side of Rey’s mouth as she absentmindedly chewed on it. They were both well into the construction of their sabers and Kylo was testing the button control when his concentration was broken by the sound of a shattering plasma mirror.

He looked up to see her holding the pieces, her eyes were wide as she said, “Please tell me we have more of these.”

Kylo looked over their table, counting out the mirrors that were there before sighing in relief. “I think there are two more back on the ship. Wait here, I’ll go get them.”

She nodded but didn’t seem to hear him as she held the remnants of the mirror in her hand. He got up and made his way out of the bar towards their ship. It was dark out by this point but the bar never closed. So long as they kept ordering drinks, Maz left to them to their work.

He made it onto the ship and began to rummage around the bedroom looking for the last two plasma mirrors. He finally found them in a bag beside the bed and was about to leave the ship when he felt it.

Something was off. Something _dark_.

It was weak but he pulled his blaster out, not taking any chances. He cautiously looked around the ship and into every compartment until he eventually felt that it was strongest in Rey’s old room. He opened the door and turned the lights on but no one was there. He shook his head, clearing his mind. He could still feel the presence of the darkness. He walked further inside and around the room, his hands raised with splayed fingers as he felt for the source.

He eventually came to a bag that he recognized as the one Rey kept her extra force crystals in. The ones she hadn’t used to commune with the force. He picked it up and pulled the string, opening the bag. There were other things inside besides leftover force crystals. He recognized a few keepsakes from some of the planets they’d visited and he was about to close the bag when something caught his eye. It was only the slightest sliver of color amongst the pale stones but he couldn’t stop his fingers from gently brushing the white crystals aside and his eyes widened.

There at the bottom of the bag sat a red crystal.

He could no longer breathe as he picked it up, feeling the dark energy pulsing within it. But not only that, he felt Rey and all her feelings given form within this crystal. A _dark_ crystal.

Kylo felt his mouth curve up at the corners while admiring it.

“What are you doing?”

He turned to find her there. She looked stricken as she glanced between him and the red crystal. “I didn’t give you permission to look in there.”

His fingers closed around the stone and he dropped the bag onto her bed. “I sensed something off. I thought there might be something was wrong.” He held it out to her. “You made this?”

She won’t even look at it. “And so what if I did? I won’t be using it.”

His eyes narrowed. “This is your first crystal. Your most powerful connection with the force.”

But she was still shaking her head in denial. “It doesn’t matter. I know what a red crystal means. General Organa said that a person’s lightsaber crystal says a lot about that person. I should have tossed that crystal out an airlock.”

“Having a red crystal doesn’t mean you’re dark.”

She scowled at him. “The hell it doesn’t. What else could it mean? You read the same text that I did in the jedi archives.”

Kylo couldn’t let her just get rid of such a precious crystal. “That’s just it. We’re taking the jedi’s word for it. We both know they are biased and only think the light is the right way. But like you said to me that first day, there has to be a balance. So you created a red force crystal. _So what_. I know you and I know that red rock doesn’t define who you are.”

But she was shaking her head. “How can you say that after what I did to that shop keeper?”

He reached out and put his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look up at him. “All I see is a woman with power who is learning to control it and use it. That shopkeeper didn’t deserve your sympathy.”

Her eyes became glassy and slightly red and he felt her anguish over the connection. “And what if one day it’s _not_ someone who doesn’t deserve it. Will it still be alright to lose control?”

After what he’d watched her do to those creatures, he was beginning to think that such a thing would be a sight to behold but held that to himself. “I will be there to stop you. Just like I was with the shopkeeper.”

She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek and hit his hand. “You can’t promise that.”

Kylo stepped forward until his chest was brushing hers. “I can. I’ve already told you and I’ll keep saying it until you stop doubting me. I’ll never leave your side.”

She was silent so he took her hand and put the crystal in her palm, closing her fingers around it. “One day you’ll make a powerful weapon from this.”

She said nothing for a few minutes, and he could feel the conflict within her raging as she struggled to figure out the right thing to do. He wrapped an arm around her and brought her closer until her head was tucked under his chin. They stayed like that for a few minutes until he pulled away. She was still holding the crystal tightly, her fingers white. He stepped back and looked her over one more time before walking out and heading back to the bar to finish his lightsabers. She didn’t follow and he heard her door shut behind him as he left.

Kylo Ren smiled as entered the bar again and made his way back to their table.

Maz came up to him. “Is Rey alright? She just flew out of here as if the place was on fire.”

He did his best to look sincere. “She wasn’t feeling well but she’ll be back after she lays down for a bit.”

Maz raised a hairless brow but nodded and took their empty glasses and placed two new glasses on the table before leaving.

Kylo picked up his half done saber and resumed tinkering with it. His thoughts were centered squarely on Rey as she sat alone in that room holding the red stone. That crystal was the manifestation of all of his time and work with Rey. She had created it on her own and had hidden it. But she hadn’t thrown it away or destroyed it immediately. _She kept it_.

He allowed himself for the briefest of moments to commune with the dark side fully. To feel all the pieces of himself that he’d seeded inside of the scavenger. They had taken root and there was no going back anymore. He thought back to the glimpse of yellow and red eyes. He’d never seen such eyes in person but he knew what they meant. Rey had tasted the darkness but she still basked in the waters of the light. But he would allow neither to claim dominion over her. Only Kylo Ren had that honor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I've mentioned it before on here but I have a snazzy new tumblr. I'm working my way through this fic quickly and I've started on the outline for my next fic, Caladreyah and the Knights of Ren. It's also Reylo(Yes, I figured out that I'm trash a while back). If you want to see the cover art for that fic or receive updates, you can check on there. :)
> 
> http://sophiascribbling.tumblr.com/
> 
> PS: Had to make the staff saber a bit blue or you wouldn't be able to see it. But it's white. :P


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my beta-reader, Firelord65. She has been a godsend for this fic, honestly!

The moment when Rey hit the button of her saber and it flashed into existence for the first time was burned into her memory; the smell of ozone and the blinding light of the white double sided saber. It was perhaps the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Kai was already working on twirling his around like he was some kind of master warrior. She hoped he didn’t accidentally cut an arm off.

They were behind one of the outbuildings in a grassy area that very few people frequented. Maz had been kind enough to show them the area where they could train without worrying about hurting anyone.

Kai had wanted to go back to their beach. “There’s no reason for us to hang around here. We’d be better served being alone with no distractions.”

She’d shaken her head. “Kai, I  _ like  _ being here. I feel normal when I’m around these people.”

Rey knew he was slightly offended by her words but she didn’t take them back or apologize. It was how she felt. He didn’t reply but instead focused on his saber and ignored her. Or at least, she’d thought he was ignoring her.

She was still marveling at her staff saber when blaster fire caused her to duck and hit the ground lest she get hit in the face. She looked up to see Kai holding the blaster and smiling smugly at her.

Rey stood up and felt her face flush with anger. “What was that?! Are you trying to kill me?”

Kai shook his head, still smiling smugly, “It was set to the lowest setting so at worst you’d have had a few bolts of energy going through you. Not enough to even cause you to pass out.”

She tilted her head and eyed him sharply. “That is  _ not  _ reassuring!”

“Come on, Rey. Don’t be mad. I’m doing this for you.”

With that he lifted up the blaster and fired at her. Her eyes widened and she ducked away from the first hit but was able to fire up her staff saber and deflect the next few before moving away again. Kai was smiling even wider as she began to deflect more than she ducked. It was like she was able to almost slow down time and see everything coming. Just like the text had said.

She kept deflecting while looking for an opening. When just the right blaster bolt headed for her she struck it with the lightsaber and sent it straight back at Kai. The dark haired man let out a yelp of surprise as he hit the deck.

She laughed at him as he looked up at her from the ground.

He pulled himself up from the ground and dusted himself off. “I suppose I deserved that.” She walked towards him, letting the saber power down. He held out the blaster to her. “Now you do me.”

She took the blaster from him and looked it over. She’d yet to use it and blasters had never really been her forte. She much preferred close quarters conflict.

Kai jogged back down the range so he was against the wall of the palace and fired up both his light sabers. He did a fancy twirling thing with one of them, she assumed on his dominant hand. She looked at the blaster before pointing it at him. “You’re sure this won’t hurt you?”

Kai smiled. “Not too bad.”

She nodded and began firing at him. He swung his sabers around doing his best to deflect the blaster bolts, though it seemed he favored his dominant hand and used that one to do most of the work while the other hand stayed almost stationary.

Eventually, one of the bolts got through on his left side, grazing him and he hissed in pain. She immediately stopped and made to go over to him but he yelled, “No!  _ We’re not done yet. _ ”

Rey felt stricken. “But you’re hit.”

His voice was strained but he wasn’t to be deterred. “It’s just a graze. I’m fine. Keep going!”

She inhaled sharply but nodded and fired again. His face twisted into something she’d never seen and he began to come closer to her as she continued to discharge to the blaster. She took a step back from him as he moved even closer and something about him frightened her.

Reminded her of her nightmares.

And as if a light had been switched off, Kai stopped and his face smoothed back out. He panted and she dropped the blaster. He powered his sabers off and swiftly made his way to her. “What’s wrong?”

“I—I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

He looked at her searchingly. “You aren’t fine.”

She pushed her fear aside. “It’s nothing. Just bad memories.”

He didn’t seem willing to let it go so she did her best to smile reassuringly. “I’m fine, really.”

He was doubtful but didn’t push her and more so she changed the subject. “You need to practice with your non-dominant hand. You weren’t doing much with it.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I noticed that.”

She looked at the two silver stylized lightsabers. “You sure you want to do two? It’ll slow down your progress.”

Kai quirked a brow at her. “How am I supposed to compete with you and your stick with just one?”

At this, she looked unimpressed but couldn’t help correcting him. “ _ Staff _ .”

He shrugged and she knew he was goading her. “Whatever.”

“It’s not a competition.”

He stared for a second before responding. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Rey rolled her eyes and stepped away. “Well you keep practicing, I’ve got a shift.”

Kai’s brows knit together. “You’re working in the bar?”

“Of course, Maz is letting us stay here and train. She’s even giving us a room to stay in. None of that’s free so she gave me my job back.”

His voice took on a note of irritation. “You’re taking time away from your training to do what?  _ Wait tables? _ Is that why you wanted to stay here instead of going back to the beach?”

“Look, I know you’re used to having access to money and resources when you lived on Hosnian Prime. But we’re almost out of money. We still need to buy fuel for the ship and food. You need to live in the here and now. Which means I’m going to work a shift and make us some money.” He still looked mutinous so she added. “And stop pouting.”

He remained silent so she shook her head and walked off back towards the main building of the palace. Rey didn’t need to look back to know that Kai was probably glowering at her for leaving. He’d done a complete one-eighty from their first meeting and seemed to now view their training as the most important thing. He’d gone from being practical to forgetting that their everyday essentials weren’t just provided for them. It was strange but she was glad that he was so onboard with their training.

Rey pulled open the door to go inside and looked at him still standing there in the empty field. She couldn’t help but think,  _ Hopefully, he’ll stop being a brat and pick up a couple of transport jobs so they weren’t living off just her tips. _

_ I heard that. _

She raised a brow. _ You were meant to.  _ And with that, she went inside and closed the door behind her. Let him sit out there and pout that he wasn’t center of her attention. He’d be thanking her later when she was buying fuel for the ship with  _ her  _ credits.

Rey headed for their room to change clothes first. The last she wanted was her favorite clothes stained and smelling of alcohol so she put her older stuff on and covered it with an apron before making her way to the bar.

The place was packed tonight and she hoped that meant lots of tips. Rey knew Kai hated it when she worked, especially this kind of job but one of the benefits of such a position was what she heard. Border region bars were the best place to get the best gossip. It was why there were spies placed within them on a regular basis.

There was a resistance informant there that she nodded to as she moved around the room, distributing drinks but she otherwise didn’t acknowledge the man. After a few hours, Kai came in and sat in her section. She wanted to be annoyed that he was taking up a table that she could use to serve other customers, but her  _ companion _ already seemed to be in a foul mood so she thought it best not to push him.

As she waited her tables, she listened carefully to hear the latest bits of gossip. Apparently the First Order had become active again and was attacking border planets in retaliation for the destruction of Star Killer Base. And it seemed as though the New Republic wasn’t able to put up much of a fight as most of their fleet had been wiped out when Hosnian Prime had been blasted to dust. Pockets of the resistance were doing their best to defend Republic territory but it was a losing battle and the First Order was bearing down on the core worlds.

Rey’s break couldn’t come fast enough and she finally slid into the booth with Kai. “Have you been listening to what’s been going on?”

Her companion was tweaking one of his light sabers and didn’t look up from that. “It’s none of our business.”

Rey’s jaw dropped before she responded. “What do you mean, ‘none of our business’? The First Order is about to topple the Republic.”

His voice was still flat. “And what are you and I supposed to do about that? Fire our one blaster at the nearest star destroyer?”

Her fingers fisted in her lap. Her next words wouldn’t be welcome. “We need to rejoin the resistance and help with the fight.”

He finally looked up at her. “No. Neither of us can hit much more than the broad side of barn with our lightsabers.”

She tried to reason with him. “Well, we can’t just hide out here.”

“It’s not hiding. It’s called staying alive by being smart. We just started learning to use our lightsabers today. We have no teacher so we’re doing this whole thing by trial and error.”

She shook her head. “We don’t need a teacher. The very first force users weren’t jedi. They taught themselves to eventually became the jedi”

His voice was low as if he was afraid someone would hear. “And  _ sith _ .”

She looked at him sharply but he only raised a brow, not willing to back down.

She reached over and put her hand over his. Rey could feel the uncertainty and anger roiling within him so she kept her voice and thoughts soothing. “There aren’t any more sith or jedi. We aren’t either of those things. I just want to use my power to protect what’s left of the people important to me.”

He shook his head and look back down at his lightsaber but he didn’t shake her hand off. “I don’t have anyone to protect. No one important anyway.”

Her head tilted. “You have me.”

He scoffed softly. “You don’t need my protection. I think you’d hit me if I said otherwise.”

She shrugged. “You’re not wrong. I care about you and I know you care about me too.”

He pulled away from her. “I can’t really care about anyone. After everything…I don’t think I have it in me anymore. And besides, the jedi way says that we can’t become emotionally attached or we risk going dark.”

He seemed sad so she asked. “How can loving y-anyone make me go dark?”

Kai shook his head. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask a jedi.”

Rey could feel that Kai was mentally going down a dark path so she switched gears. “Did you make any progress with using two sabers?”

He shook his head. “I’m fine with just one but I’m not ambidextrous.”

She shrugged. “Must be killing you to admit that.”

He shook his head, smiling, “You have no idea. But it’s not like there are a plethora of lightsaber instructors whose doors we can just knock on.”

They both laughed but Rey became thoughtful and her voice was soft as she whispered. “I know how to find Luke Skywalker.”

Kai didn’t seem impressed. “That guy is still alive? He’s the last jedi, right? The guy who defeated Vader and the emperor. I thought he was dead or something.”

She looked almost offended. “He’s not.”

“Well he can’t exactly be all that and a bag of screlian chips if he’s been hiding out somewhere all this time.” His voice had become scathing.

Rey shook her head. “He’s the strongest force-user in the galaxy. That’s why Snoke and the Knights of Ren wanted to find him so badly. He went in search of the first jedi temple.”

Kai grimaced. “So your mystical jedi master decided that finding some ruin on a backwater planet was more important that fighting to protect his own people?”

“It’s more complicated than tha-“

His voice cut her off. “Is it? Because it looks to me like a coward who couldn’t face the enemy running away to hide.”

Rey drew herself up to defend her almost-mentor. “You’re wrong!”

Kai sat back against the back of the booth and shook his head in disgust. “How am I wrong? Where is he? When Hosnian Prime was blown to dust and my village was wiped out, where was your precious jedi?” He scoffed before continuing. “But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. He and his sister, the general, are both cut from the same cloth.”

Her brows knitted in anger. “How can you say that? They are fight-“

Again, he wouldn’t listen to her words. “No! They aren’t. They are hiding from the First Order and relying on espionage to plan sneak attacks. They haven’t ever faced the Order with anything more than a few x-wings! That’s how the general leads and that’s how Luke Skywalker  _ hides _ .”

And with that, he got up and walked out of the bar. The other patrons seemed to sense the danger rolling off him because they parted for him like prey animals avoiding a hungry predator. She was tempted to call him back or follow him to continue the argument but she continued to sit there digesting his words. She understood where he was coming from. He wasn’t wrong, after all. General Leia acted as though finding Luke would turn the tide of the war but the man obviously didn’t want to be found if he went to so much trouble to hide.

She got up and resumed her shift, working late into the evening before trudging back up to their room. She opened the door and her eyes widened when she saw it was empty.  _ No. _ She was going to apologize to him and hopefully, they could commune and release their negative thoughts into force. That always helped her to think more clearly.

_ But he wasn’t there! _

Rey felt out for him but he was nowhere to be found. Either he’d cut her off, something he’d never done in all the time they’d known each other or he’d left the planet! She stepped back from the room and ran down the hall towards the exit and out onto the landing pad. By the time she reached the ship, she was panting but her eyes closed in relief that he was still there. She entered the ship and looked around but she couldn’t feel him so she went room to room looking for him.

After a few minutes, she nearly walked into him when the door to the fresher slid open and he stepped out. He wore only his trousers but she didn’t bother to avert her eyes. People on Jakku weren’t terribly modest and she’d seen her fair share of naked bodies. And the pair of them had been living in close quarters for months by now.

They didn’t say anything to each other for a few seconds but he spoke first. “I thought I made it pretty clear that I wanted to be alone.”

Her lips trembled a bit. Neither of them ever wanted to be alone since they’d met. “Kai, I wanted to apologize.”

He looked away so she took his hand and let her regret of the argument speak for her. “I understand your thoughts. We don’t have to agree but I don’t want us to fight.”

She could tell he wanted to shake her off; wanted to walk away and leave her in pain. But he didn’t. They stood there a little while longer, working through their emotions before he pulled her to him and embraced her. She closed her eyes and allowed her head to lay on his chest and heard his heartbeat with nothing separating them.

She’d never had a real home but, she thought, this might come close.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Training begins!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, Firelord65 for pointing out the problem areas in this chapter and helping me to make it the chapter better!

The first time Kylo Ren had to watch Rey pay for their food with money from her job rubbed at him like salt in an open wound. She’d sensed his irritation and had laughed at him as he’d walked off. She was a scavenger from a backwater junkyard planet and he was the son of a princess and heir to a lineage of the greatest force-users in the galaxy. He wanted to shower her beautiful things and make sure she should never want for anything. And she wouldn’t when Snoke was dead and Kylo Ren was the only true master of the Knights and of the First Order.

But it chafed at him. And they spent so much of their time together that it was difficult to just conjure credits from his accounts or ‘jobs’ from thin air. So, it was with more aplomb than was perhaps necessary, that he made his way towards the palace. He’d just secured a contract for another transport job that paid fairly well. And he’d gotten it himself without using his First Order connections or his powers. Rey would be waiting tables so he headed there, intent on telling her the good news and getting her out of that cesspool of a bar.

It was warm that day so the doors and windows were open and he was able to slip in unnoticed for the most part as he looked around for her. He’d expected her to be at the bar mixing drinks or chatting with customers as she took orders. But when he finally located her, he halted in his tracks.

She wasn’t alone…

She sat at a table across from two men. Their backs were to him but he’d recognized either of them anywhere. Poe Dameron and that traitor, FN-2187. His good mood evaporated like water on a red hot pan, and he was about to turn to leave when Rey spotted him over Poe’s shoulder.

She waved towards him. “Kai, come here and meet my friends!”

Both men turned back to look at him and he searched their minds. He felt no recognition from either so he walked forward and pasted a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. He sat down beside Rey and if he sat a bit closer than he usually would have, no one here would notice. His gaze slid over to the bartender and the man nodded to him their unspoken agreement on bringing him a drink.

She turned to him. “Kai, this is Poe and Finn! They’re fighters for the resistance. Guys, this is Mordechai Lowen.”

The two men seemed suspicious and looked between him and Rey a few times. Neither he nor they reached out to shake hands. Kylo felt his eyes narrow at the feelings that Finn harbored towards his companion and slipped away from the man’s mind. It was bad enough that he had to watch the man making mooning eyes towards Rey. He didn’t want to know the man’s thoughts on the subject, either.  It was quiet at the table for several seconds and he allowed her to feel his impatience. Rey knew he wasn’t a fan of the resistance so she did her best to move the conversation along.

She turned back to the resistance fighters. “How is the general?”

Poe answered with a shrug. “As well as can be expected, I guess. She puts up a good front but it’s obvious she’s still hurting after Han.”

Sadness permeated through the table and Kylo felt he should ask, “Who is Han?”

Rey turned back to him. “Oh! General Leia’s husband, Han Solo.”

He raised a brow. “The smuggler?”

She smiled as if remembering something before it dropped. “Yeah, he was killed by the First Order when he and Finn went to destroy Star Killer Base.”

At this Finn spoke up. “Kylo Ren killed him. I’ll never forget seeing it.”

Another waitress brought over four drinks for them and he made sure to remove the fruity garnish that Rey hated before handing it to her and pushing the others towards the two men. He held up his glass. “Well, whether it was a Knight of Ren or a stormtrooper, Han Solo is a hero - as are you for what you did for the galaxy.”

Poe brought his glass up as well. “Here, here.”

The four of them took a drink and Finn, whose eyes hadn’t left Rey’s garnish free glass since it had arrived, finally seemed to gather the courage to ask, “So how do you two meet?”

Rey answered for them both. “We met here, actually. I may have run him down a couple of times but I’d never met another force-user who wasn’t trying to kill me, you know? He wasn’t too happy with me at first, but he and I have been training together since then.”

Poe nodded. “General Organa said you were learning to be jedi knights.”

Kylo shook his head. “The jedi adhered to an ancient religious code and used the force under very strict rules. They rejected anything else so we don’t follow their code.” He looked over at Rey. “But maybe we can start our own religious sect.”

She looked at him with exasperation. “Oh my stars, we are  _ not  _ starting a cult. You and I would both be terrible teachers.”

Kylo shrugged and took a swig of his ale rather than answer her.

Finn and Poe looked between the two, and Poe grinned, looking at Finn. “Well that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about.”

Rey glanced over at the pair. “What?”

Poe sat back and his voice became smug. “I was worried that I’d have to warn you to keep your mitts off my man.” Finn began choking on his drink but Poe continued as if he hadn’t noticed. “But you seem to be all good with Kai, here.”

Kylo snorted into his drink at Rey’s confused reply. “What?”

Finn looked over at her shaking his head rapidly. “He’s obviously drunk, don’t listen to him.”

At that Poe looked put out. “Aw, baby don’t be like that!” Poe moved closer to Finn and forced the other man back as he leaned over and made kissing sounds while Finn struggled theatrically. Poe slapped a sloppy kiss on Finn’s cheek and let him go, laughing while Finn just rolled his eyes.

Rey’s brows were almost into her hairline at what had just happened. It was as if the flood gates opened and she was laughing so hard that she was leaning against Kylo. It didn’t escape his notice, however that Poe kept his arm draped around Finn while the two grinned at one another.

Kylo took a breath. “So this is just a social visit?”

This sobered the two men up and Poe shook his head. “Not really.”

He’d had thought as much.

Finn added, “The general asked us to come here to see if you two would be willing to run covert missions for the resistance.”

Kylo felt his eye twitch. “Not a—”

But Rey reached over and put her hand on his arm, halting his words. “Let’s just hear them out, alright?”

Kylo sighed but said nothing so Poe spoke. “General Organa wants to offer you guys a job. You would do missions that require discretion and anonymity. She thought that with your force powers, it would be easier for you two to slip through the border worlds.”

Kylo Ren leaned back and let only a fraction of his disgust show on his face. “Your general hasn’t sent us any information on the mind tricks. If fact, she hasn’t sent us much of anything in awhile. We’ve just been limping along experimenting. And besides,” He turned back to his companion. “I already got us a job, Rey. We leave tomorrow for Ryloth to drop off some aid supplies.”

But the ex-storm trooper didn’t give up. “Maybe this’ll help you change your mind.” Finn slid a datachip over the table. “She thought you’d be ready for this.”

He took the chip but still said, “Rey, this isn’t a good idea.”

She bit her lip. “I know you hate the First Order as much as anyone else. If we can help to push them back, shouldn’t we do that?”

His eyes narrowed. “I said no to the First Order and I won’t be a lapdog of the resistance either.”

Kylo got up and began to walk out. He heard Rey making apologies and then her hurried steps as she caught up with him.

“Kai!”

He didn’t stop until her hand gripped his arm and she came around to face him. “Why are you being like this?”

He shook her head. “Why are you so eager to get in bed with the resistance?”

Her brows knitted. “What are you talking abo—”

He interrupted her. “You think I didn’t see the way that guy looked at you?”

Her voice was soft. “It’s not like that. You know that I…” She stopped and looked away. He took hold of her hand and let a bit of himself flow into her and felt her return the gesture.

He looked away from her. “I can’t give you what you want but I can’t stand the thought of you being with anyone else.”

“Why not? Why are we just ‘companions’?”

He took a breath to steady himself. “I can feel it. If we go too far, there won’t be any going back. We’re both too young. Too new to all this to make that kind of decision.” She looked at him and sensed the truth in his words but he didn’t relinquish her hand as he added. “This is all I can give you.”

Her other hand came up to his cheek. “It’s enough. I promise, it’s enough. And if you change your mind. I’ll be here. Always.”

He swallowed. “I still don’t want to help them.”

“Kai, we need to test ourselves. I can ask Leia to give us easy assignments first and then we’ll work up to the more difficult missions. Besides…we need the money. You’re barely working and my meager bar earnings won’t keep us afloat forever.”

His eyes slid closed as he enjoyed her fingers on his face. “There was a time that I’d have given you the finest things in the galaxy. I’ll get that back again and you’ll want for nothing.”

She smiled. “You know I don’t care about that kind of thing. What would I do with the finest things in the galaxy anyway? I barely use a fork when I eat.”

He smiled and sighed. “Tell them we’ll accept the job. But we’re doing Ryloth first.”

And with that he walked away, his fingers slipping from hers. He felt her eyes on him as he left but didn’t look back. He headed towards the landing pad to move some things around in the ship so they’d be able to more easily haul the supplies to Ryloth.

He made it as far as the outside of his ship before a pair of hand reached out and grabbed him, slamming is back into the side of a ship. A blaster came up and was shoved into his jaw. He looked up and caught sight of Finn and Poe. He could hear their thoughts crackling like lightning between them. A matched set.  _ How cute. _

He smiled smugly at them. “What gave me away?”

Finn leaned in and his voice was heavy with anger. “I thought I recognized you but when I heard your name…Kai Lowen? That’s not even being subtle.”

Kylo was impressed that the man hadn’t given himself away at the table but that didn’t stop him from getting in a dig. “Subtle enough for  _ her _ .”

Finn’s face twitched and Poe’s hand cocked back, obviously intending to punch him across the face. By this point Kylo Ren didn’t even need to use his hand to fling the pair of them off and onto the ground. They struggled to get back up but his force powers were the strongest that they’d ever been and he slammed another wave down on the fallen men, crushing them into the duracrete of the pad.

Kylo looked between the pair of resistance fighters as they struggled to move their heads. “That was a very stupid thing you just did. I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen here, boys.”

Finn’s voice was gravely as he spoke through clenched teeth. “Why are you hanging around Rey? What do you want with her?”

He crouched down in front of Finn and spoke the words he’d known for a while. “Everything. She’s mine. Since that day she resisted me, she has never left my sight.”

The ex-stormtrooper grimaced. “She couldn’t go and train with Luke Skywalker because you did something to her.”

His head tilted. “Nothing so terrible as what you’re thinking. Skywalker is an unworthy teacher but I’ve made her better. Her power has increased a hundred fold since Star Killer Base. Even if she doesn’t know it, yet.” Kylo pursed his lips. “But none of that matters. Did you contact the resistance before confronting me?”

Finn’s terrified eyes met Kylo’s as he attempted to dispel the Knight but his mind ripped like tissue before Kylo Ren.

Kylo’s brows raised as he got the answer he was looking for. “Normally, I would call you both the dumbest people I’ve ever met. But your idiocy has just saved your lives. If you had spoken to the resistance, I would have killed you both. But since you haven’t told anyone, you get to live. After, of course, we remove certain things from your mind.”

Finn’s eyes widened and he gasped as Kylo moved inside his head. His eyes narrowed as he removed the memories of not just their little ambush but also of his face when He’d killed his father. This wouldn’t happen again.

His concentration broke slightly when Poe’s strained voice whispered, “Stop…”

Kylo looked up surprised. His power had kept the other man silent up until that moment. It would have been a major strain on the man just to get that out. He searched the mind of the pilot.

“Ah…”

So that’s how it was. Kylo had suspected, of course, but Poe Dameron was in full-fledged love with his co-pilot. The knight glanced down at Finn, whose eyes were glazed over before looking back up at Poe.

He smiled. “You’re in luck. I’m about to do you a favor. You can thank me later.”

Poe’s brow knitted together in confusion and he shook his head but Kylo ignored him as he slipped back into the mind of Finn. It was easy to find what he sought, and he was gratified that it would be easier than he’d thought to make the subtle changes that he wanted. Finn already felt deeply for Poe but he was still hung up on Rey.

It was a small matter of removing the lingering romantic feelings towards his companion and he didn’t feel that anything else needed to be done. The traitor would figure the rest out on his own. He added a few memories of them laughing together at the bar and left it at that.

He left Finn’s mind and got up before walking over to Poe.

The man looked more than a little apprehensive as Kylo crouched down before him. “What did you do to Finn?”

Kylo raised a brow. “Made your life a bit easier, I think. There won’t be any more lingering feelings towards my scavenger. He’s all yours now.”

“That’s not what I-”

“You can lie to yourself but you won’t lie to me. You should have learned that before...I don’t tolerate it.”

He raised his hand to Poe’s face and pushed his way inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I wanted to say to all my readers: you guys are all awesome! I really appreciate all the feedback you leave for me in the comments. Many of you leave some very constructive critiques regarding the fic and you help me a great deal by pointing out the flaws. I know some authors can be sensitive to critisism of their work and I've been guilty of it in the past as well. However, I'd love to go back through this fic once it's completed and re-edit it and I plan to take the comments into account when I do that.
> 
> So if you're ever confused about anything or see an issue, feel free to leave a comment. In some cases, I may fix the issue immediately but for the most part, I'm taking your comments into consideration for when I do the re-edit on this fic. The more specific you are regarding an issue, the better, as it helps me to focus on the areas that need the most work. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!  
> ~Sophie D.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how mt beta, Firelord65, puts up with me. Seriously. Anyway...This chapter is a giant info dump of massive proportions. It's 3700 words of exposition and was a couple of different scenes that ended up being put together. But it's all important stuff, I promise. :)

The Ryloth job went off without a hitch and, best of all, _they got paid_. The twi’lek taking the cargo had looked them over and Kylo could tell he was debating on whether he could get away with cheating them out of their money. Kylo Ren had raised a brow at him before casually moving his dark coat to the side to show his lightsaber.

Not everyone would be able to recognize it for what it was but the merchant apparently did. His eyes darted back up to meet Kylo’s and the dark haired man could feel the surprise and fear that clouded the twi’leck’s thoughts. He raised a brow and couldn’t resist floating a thought into the merchant’s mind.

_I’m glad we understand one another._

The merchant had backed up a step in fear before hastily pulling the cred-chip from his pocket and all but flinging it at Kylo, moving off with as much speed as his short legs would allow.

Rey had looked up from where she was finishing some docking paperwork. “What was that about?”

Kylo shrugged and smiled. “He ate something that didn’t agree with him.”

She gazed at him for a few seconds before apparently deciding it wasn’t worth it and went back to her paperwork. Afterwards, he’d treated her to meal at one of the better known restaurants specializing in traditional Twi’lek cuisine. It was a beautiful establishment with frescoes of ancient Twi’lek legends and lush fabrics draped everywhere. Rey had enjoyed looking around the fancy establishment and eating the rich and flavorful food that had been placed before her.

It had been...pleasant and Kylo Ren thought that when the First Order had been brought to heel, he would be taking Rey on far more of these ‘outings’—if only to see this smile of wonder on her face again. It had been obvious that she’d savored every moment of the experience and would not be opposed to repeating it. Which was why, two days later as he sat in a filthy bar, he couldn’t help by sigh. Why they couldn’t seem to ever avoid seedy dives was beyond him. But Rey always seemed to gravitate towards the rowdiest places with the most questionable clientele.

They were currently on the border planet of Kerkoidia on the edge of First Order space. He wasn’t fond of being so close to his former comrades but he rarely removed his mask even in the presence of other knights so the likelihood of him being recognized was slim. Still, he kept his head lowered as Rey drank the last of her ale.

She tilted her head. “See that wasn’t so bad. We got the package and now we can get out of here.”

Indeed, they’d gotten the documents but they couldn’t leave soon enough, in Kylo’s opinion. And as if the force itself were laughing at him, he felt it. Rey’s head sharply turned as she too picked up on the disturbance. There was a commotion outside the bar and people were crowding around the doorway to see what was going on.

He turned back to Rey. “We need to leave.”

She wasn’t looking at him and her eyes were narrowed in curiosity. “No. Something bad is happening.”

Kylo reached over and put his hand on her arm. “It isn’t our business. Didn’t your general tell you to keep a low profile?”

At this, she finally turned to him and raised a brow in disdain. “And didn’t you call her a coward for not fighting?”

Kai gritted his teeth but said nothing as she got up and headed for the door. He could do nothing but follow her as he pulled his hood up and wrapped the scarf around the lower half of his face. Rey had to almost shove her way through to get out before she stopped suddenly, and he almost bumped into her when they stepped outside. There were a dozen stormtroopers in various positions on the street looking on as a mother and father clung to their son who was currently being gripped by a figure all in black.

It was one of his knights. He recognized the mask design and identified him as Gruthdin Ren. Gruthdin wasn’t one of his stronger or smarter knights but he was deadly and he fought dirty. Kylo instantly pulled his shields all the way up. Gruthdin might not be looking for him but if he brushed minds with the master of the Knights of Ren, it would undo everything Kylo had worked towards.

He glanced down and saw Rey’s hand hovering over her staff saber so he leaned in and whispered, “I know what you want to do. I can’t stop you but cover your face. We don’t want the First Order knowing we were here.”

She nodded and pulled her scarf up and around the bottom part of her face and lifted her hood until it covered her hair, obscuring all but her eyes. He watched as she stepped forward and away from the crowd and she took her staff saber from her belt. The troopers instantly pointed their blasters at her.

  
  
Art by [littlechmura](http://littlechmura.tumblr.com/)  


One came forward and put his hand on her chest and attempted to shove her. “Get back.”

But she held her ground and used the force to push the trooper away. The Knight of Ren instantly released the boy and turned to them, his hand coming up to his own weapon.

She called to him. “There is nothing here for you.”

The helmet tilted. “I beg to differ. I think I’ll take you instead.”

Kai hung back, wanting to watch her as she activated her weapon and the double sided white blade shone forth. The knight hesitated only a second before launching himself at her, crimson blade drawn.

Rey was powerful and her hits took their toll on the knight but he was far better trained. While she was doing well to hold her own, she was taking a few too many knocks for Kylo’s liking.

He looked on as she blocked most of the hits but she was on the defensive. At one point he’d used his force power to push her to the ground and the Knight stood over her. He seemed to be gauging exactly what to do with a powerful adult force user. It wasn’t their way to take people who were already adults as they were harder to train and indoctrinate, but Rey was special and even Gruthdin could tell that.

Kylo shook his head and lowered his shields just enough to whisper to her. “The force is with you. Use it.”

The knight sensed the communication and his head turned slowly to face Kylo, the mask tilting as he assessed a second force user. That’s where he made his mistake. When he’d taken his eyes off the scavenger, he’d missed her taking a breath and closing her eyes as power from the dark side and the light filled her.

She leapt at the knight, almost taking an arm off before the man stepped back. He turned back to her and anger was rolling off him in waves. She swung her staff and he was able to block it, but the tides had turned and she began pushing him back, his form faltering in the face of her strength. Kylo watched her closely. He paid special attention to her eyes, they’d not taken on the mark of the sith since that day on the empty planet.

That moment should have been his greatest triumph but it had become something he dreaded. Kylo couldn’t allow her to fall so completely into the darkness. In the months they had been together, he found that he liked her as she was. Part of her would be lost forever if she went completely dark. As a result, he’d begun to pull the dark passenger from her. It would be a slow process or she would notice. She still had the nightmares on occasion but they didn’t seem to bother her as they once did. She was almost calm about them as of late, though they continued to share a bed even if she didn’t seek out his touch as often while they slept.

Kylo’s eye twitched as Gruthdin made a last ditch effort to win the fight but she deflected it and managed to hit the knight’s saber from his palm. _Sloppy._ Kylo watched, thinking she would show the knight mercy and walk away and perhaps she might have, had one of the storm troopers not taken a shot and hit her in the shoulder. She fell to her knees with a yelp of pain. They’d have to work on her situational awareness when they returned to Takodana, he thought.

The knight called his lightsaber back to him and got up. He stood before her in silence for a few seconds before speaking. “I would have taken you alive, had you come quietly, but I think you’re more trouble than you're worth.”

The knight raised his blade to deal the killing blow but froze suddenly. The burning red saber dropped to the ground as the knight looked down to see twin blue blades protruding from his chest. Kylo pulled them back out and Rey scrambled to move aside as Gruthdin fell to the ground. The market was silent as if no one was quite sure of what they’d just seen.

Rey looked up at him as he held his hand out to her. “I would have stopped him.”

Blaster fire cut of his response as the storm troopers began to be overwhelmed by the crowd of people emboldened by the pair of warriors. They looked around and Kylo spotted an alley off to the side and pulled her along with him. He looked back at her, though and commented, “You can thank me later.”

Rey was smiling as she slid into the co-pilot’s seat while Kai powered the ship up for take-off.  Already, ships from the First Order were converging on the planet in the wake of one of their Knights being killed so publically.

They broke through the atmosphere and her eyes widened. There were three star destroyers that looked to have just come out of hyperspace. Tie fighters emerged from the ships and headed their way, firing at them.

She held her breath. “Kai…”

He hit the controls. “Don’t worry. Light-speed in 3, 2, 1.”

Just as the first volley of shots would have hit them, they phased into hyperspace. She let out the breath she’d been holding on to. That had been far closer than she’d have preferred. Kai picked up on her apprehension and turned to her.

“Maybe don’t go challenging Knights of Ren to fights in a public square next time.”

“I couldn’t just let him take that kid.”

“Except now there are at least a half dozen star destroyers orbiting that planet and the Knights will be converging upon it looking for clues about us. And that kid is still there. If his family is smart, they’ll get the heck out of there.”

She hadn’t thought of that. But he was right. They’d defeated…killed…one knight but there were hundreds more where he’d come from and tens of thousands of First Order soldiers. Perhaps she’d made the situation worse.

“Don’t think like that. That kid would have been taken for sure. At least he may have a chance now.”

She nodded. “We killed that Knight.”

“I killed that Knight.”

“I was going to do it.”

Kai tilted his head at her. “Rabid dogs need to be put down lest they come back to bite you. Until the First Order has been defeated and Snoke is dead, they don’t deserve your pity or mercy. They wouldn’t extend you the same courtesy.”

She nodded and tried to dredge up some sense of guilt for almost committing murder but it wasn’t enough to fight…she needed to be ready to kill to defend herself and her goals. They sat in silence trading thoughts and emotions through the force until they came out of hypser-space over Takodana.

She was about to say something when the comm link chimed. Kai grimaced at the call screen and got up. He headed to the back of the ship and she looked over to see what had set him off.

Encryption code: TG5309K. The general.

Rey’s eyes narrowed as she answered the call. “General.”

“What part of discreet did you not hear?” Oh. She didn’t seem happy at all.

Rey struggled to open her mouth in the face of the general’s irritated visage. “Uh…”

But General Organa didn’t let her get any further. “Half the galaxy is talking about the return of the Jedi Order. About mysterious lightsaber wielding warriors that are standing up to the First Order.”

She licked her lips. “They were about to kidnap a kid. We had to stop them.”

But Leia was shaking her head. “Did you have to do it so publically? It's all over the 'net and there's _holovids._  Most of sector has heard about what you did and almost the entire planet is rioting.”

“That wasn’t our intention. We just wanted to help that kid. Since Kai and I are studying the ways of the Jedi—”

“But you aren’t Jedi. You aren’t even padawan learners. You don’t have a master to teach you the ways of the force.”

Rey let a bit of her own irritation show. “We don’t need a master. We’re doing just fine as we are. Have you had any luck convincing Luke Skywalker to leave that planet?”

“No.”

“If he wants nothing to do with us, I won’t force my presence onto him. I won’t go where I’m not wanted.”

At this Leia looked saddened. “And you still feel him…”

She knew who the general was referring to. “Yes.”

“Are you still having nightmares?”

Rey shook her head. “Not as often since you gave us the information about the mind skills. I’ve been getting better about shielding myself and forcing his presence leave me. But he’s still there. He never seems far from me like he’s waiting for me to make a mistake.”

Leia’s eyes narrowed. “Has he been taking any information from you?”

Rey thought back. “No. I mean. Not that I can tell. And I deliberately don’t look at any correspondence that I get from the resistance, just in case.”

General Organa nodded. “Good. I know you’re being careful. But Rey…Kylo Ren is a dangerous man. He has no qualms in killing people, even those he might care about. Stay vigilant.”

She knew if the man could kill his own father, he would have no problem killing a scavenger. “I understand.”

The comm cut off and Rey called back, “It’s fine now.”

Kai stepped back in from the shadows and didn’t look at her as he took his seat at the controls.

She looked at him, curiosity floating across the force. “I think if you met the general and gave her the benefit of the doubt, you’d find that she isn’t so bad.”

He moved his hands over the controls and kept his eyes on the viewport. “Believe me, that’s not a conversation I have any intention of ever having. It wouldn’t end well.”

“Why?”

Kai shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant. “I may have accidentally ripped a shipment off from the resistance a couple years ago.”

Rey couldn’t keep the shock from her voice. “What?! Kai!”

He finally looked at her. “In my defense, I didn’t know it was resistance. The manifest said it was hard credits from taxes in the outer rim bound for the republic core worlds. But apparently that money was going to be used to pay for new battle-cruisers that were being constructed in secret. This was just after I had fled my home world and had gotten to Hosnian Prime. The war wasn’t in full swing yet and the republic didn’t have an official military fleet. But they were secretly funding the resistance by funneling money through their tax system.”

Rey’s eyes slid away as she tried to process the information. “I never heard anything about that.”

He scoffed. “Of course not. It would have been a scandal that would have rocked the entire republic. The noble senate that denounced the need for a military unless as a last resort, embezzling their citizen’s own money and secretly funding a military with only a loose attachment to the government.

“They hushed the whole thing up but I was arrested and jailed for a while. I’d still be there except I managed to have one of my associates gather evidence of the situation and I threatened them. They let me out after I agreed never speak to anyone about it.”

Her head tilted. “You’re talking to me.”

Kai shrugged. “The republic is on its last leg. Probably doesn’t really matter anymore. Anyway, Organa was the one pushing for the maximum penalty when I was caught. I don’t know if she would recognize me or not, but I’d rather not find out.”

Rey shook her head. “Can’t seem to stay out of trouble, can you.”

“Hey, trouble finds me.”

He hit the button to give him manual control and flew the ship back down planet-side to Maz’s palace where their contact would be waiting for them to take the documents. Kai put them in their usual spot and they walked briskly through the ships parked along the landing pad and into the bar.

Rey smiled brightly when she saw their contact. “Finn!”

He smiled back at her but it wasn’t the mooning look he’s had the last time they’d crossed paths. She hoped he was finally getting over his little crush.

“Hey, Rey. I can’t stay long.”

She nodded. “I know,” she held out the datapad and he gave her a cred-chip that contained their earnings. She didn’t look at it, but instead handed it directly over her shoulder to Kai. By the satisfied sound, the amount was generous. He said nothing though and turned to walk out.

She looked around the crowded bar wistfully but after what had just happened, she thought they could do with some time away. Hopefully the amount plus their wages from the Ryloth job would enough to fully stock their ship so they could go back to their beach to work on their mind trick and probes.

He held up the pad. “Thank for this. Gotta go.”

But she took hold of his arm stopping him. “I know but how is everything with the resistance?”

He shrugged. “Oh you know, it’s the usual. Running drills and Poe’s teaching me to fly.”

“And the war?”

He just shrugged. “The usual, I guess.”

Her head tilted and she looked into his eyes as she smiled. “Finn, Tell me how the war is going.”

Finn’s eyes went a bit glassy. “General Organa is preparing something big—a direct attack, I think—but she won’t tell anyone about it except the highest ranking officers.”

Rey tilted her chin up. “The republic is gone. How is she going to make that happen without the permission or money from the galactic senate?”

His words were flat. “There is no senate, not one with any power. The general has declared martial law on as many planets as she can hold and is taxing them directly to pay for the creation of a new fleet.”

_That…that was interesting._

“And what about the other planets?”

“They are falling one by one to the First Order so she is getting desperate.”

“And you have no idea what she’s planning or when she’s planning it?”

“No. Not even Poe knows. The general doesn’t trust anyone and she’s become paranoid that there are spies in the resistance.”

Rey looked away breaking eye contact with Finn. The former storm trooper shook his head trying to clear it. “Sorry to ramble on like that.”

She met his eyes again and smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, Finn. But you should go since you’re in a rush.”

He nodded. “That’s right, I need to leave. See you later Rey.” She smiled and they shared a short hug before the man left. Rey turned the information over in her mind before she got up from the table and turned to leave. As she made her way to the door, her eyes caught that of Maz Kanata.

The little alien’s voice was soft but Rey still heard it. “Be careful, child…”

“I know what I’m doing.”

Maz didn’t look convinced as Rey left the bar and headed to the ship. Kai had apparently spent all their money already and she shook her head in exasperation as she watched him using his force powers to _load crates of supplies into the hold of their ship_.

She shook her head in exasperation as she walked up behind him. “Lazy.”

He laughed as the last crate floated down into place. “Efficient.”

She sighed and stood beside him. “I just tested a mind trick.”

He was looking down at a docking manifest rather than her. “Really. How was it?”

Rey's mouth twisted in guilt. “I did it to Finn.”

At that, Kai did look her way. “That’s…he’s your friend.”

She nodded. “I know, but I didn’t think he’d tell me what I wanted to know if I just asked.”

“And did he?”

She looked back up at him. “Yes. Everything I’ve been hearing around the bar is true. The senate is in ruins and the republic is fracturing. The general is closing ranks and directly taxing her own section of space to pay for the construction of a new fleet. And the First Order is slowly clawing their way further and further into republic territory. Each new planet they add only increases their power in the galaxy.”

He looked thoughtful. “That would explain why she has been giving you parts of the archive and then these missions. She intends to use you to assist the resistance. Either General Organa, or Snoke will make a move soon to wipe the other out once and for all.” Kai used his power to raise the cargo bay door and shut it before he continued. “We aren’t ready for that kind of fight. Not yet.”

She sighed. “I know.”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the last chapter was long, this one is even longer. TT.TT I don't know how my beta, Sarah, puts up with the maddness.

They left Maz’s palace and returned to the beach where everything was quieter and easier. She liked being amongst the people and the noise of the bar but sometimes she needed the solitude. And Kai seemed to understand as he’d left her pretty much alone the first week. He’d spent most of that in meditation further down the beach away from the ship.

When she’d finally felt more like herself and her mind no longer felt like a dust storm, she made her way back to where Kai was watching a holovid on the very ancient art of sword fighting. The instructor demonstrated proper technique for two sabers and Kai was copying the movements, his eyes intent.

She watched for a few minutes before speaking. “Is that helping?”

Kai turned back to her and powered his sabers down. “Yeah. Maz suggested looking up ‘sword fighting’. She’s old enough that she probably was around when people were still using them.”

Rey laughed. “Maybe.”

“Anyway, you feeling any better?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry, I just needed some time to get my bearings.”

Kai looked at her. “You don’t need to make excuses if you want space. Sometimes we all just need to get away.”

She looked away for a second before speaking. “Everything has been so intense, lately. I feel like I’m holding it together by just a few threads and the wrong thing will snap them and everything will just spin out of control.”

“Out of _your_ control.”

“Yes.”

He shrugged. “Maybe that’s what you need. Just let your connection to the force guide you.”

Rey frowned at the thought. “I think something terrible might happen if I do that.”

“Or you might feel freer and you won’t be struggling against your nature so much.”

She shook her head. “I was never like this before.”

“You were weak before and as a result Kylo Ren got inside your head. But you’re stronger now and that’ll never happen again. No one can hurt you like that anymore.”

She grimaced. “I don’t know that I wouldn’t trade this pain for my life back on Jakku. Things were easier then.”

Kai looked pensive. “Easy doesn’t mean better. Every day you train yourself to channel the force is one step closer to your destiny. To the life you deserve. Things will be better when Snoke is gone.”

But she was shaking her head. “You can’t know any of that. Nothing will change, even when that happens. You and I, we may still be together but what will there be for us to do? To be? Relics of an extinct order with no purpose after the war is won.”

“I think we should teach others.”

“The only real Jedi left is Luke Skywalker.”

Kai scoffed. “I’m not talking about restarting the Jedi Order. That’s a dead end. I’m talking about a new order that uses light as well as dark. Just like you said to me when we first met. We’re proof that it can work.”

Rey did her best to keep the skepticism out of her voice. “I never took you for the teaching type.”

“I don’t want our gifts to disappear when we eventually die. They should be passed on.”

Her head tilted and she raised a brow as she sensed more from that statement than the immediate implication of it.

She finally shrugged and powered on her staff saber. “Show me these gifts and show me what you’ve learned.”

Kai grinned and pulled out his twin blue sabers, their beams twirling around as he positioned them in his hands. “Let’s do it.”

She lunged at him and narrowly missed getting hit by the saber in his non-dominant hand. She took a breath and proceeded to block most of the hits as they danced over the sand. It went on longer than usual and Rey was surprised that Kai seemed to actually be winning. That had had never happened before.

They continued trading blows before eventually everything came to a screeching halt when his saber froze inches from her neck. If he’d had less control, she’d have lost her head.

He looked down at her. “I win.”

The sabers powered down and her brows knitted together in consternation. “You’ve been practicing.”

Kai shrugged good-naturedly, “What else was I gonna do while you were on your sabbatical.”

She pursed her lips. “Well, I know what you’re gonna do now.”

His chin came up and he smiled. “If you’re going to learn about two sabers, you’ll need to make some modifications to your staff saber.”

She nodded. “I was thinking about it. I’ll work on that tonight and then you can start teaching me tomorrow.”

He nodded. “Whatever you say.”

Rey spent most of the rest of the day and into the evening rebuilding her staff saber so that it came apart and created two short blades when needed. As a result, they practiced for the most part with two blades, but she still kept up with her skill using her lightsaber as a staff.

That was almost three weeks ago and Rey had been fielding calls from General Organa asking them to go on other missions. So far, she’d been able to put the older woman off but eventually, they’d need to do one of the missions for the credits, if nothing else.

Rey fell back into the sand and leaned back against one of the trees that lined the jungle. She holstered her staff saber, panting a bit as she wiped the sweat from her brow. She took a her water bottle just as Kai slid down to the ground beside her.

She was about to turn and ask him what he wanted for dinner when he fell over...Right into her lap. She looked down at him as he used her lap as a pillow. “What are you doing?”

“You wore me out. The least you can do is let me take a nap.”

“On my legs?”

“It’s either that or I have to go all the way back into the ship where it’s hot.”

“Well if you hadn’t left our tent and sleeping blankets on that planet…”

“You’re never gonna forget that.”

“Nope.”

But she didn’t push him off and she instead picked up one of the many datapads she had lying around and began reading the archive text for what felt like the tenth time. She would have been convinced that Kai was actually napping if not for the fact that she was positive that he was subtly moving the leaves of the tree above her, keeping the shade over them as the day wore on.

She thought she should set some kind of boundary with Kai. He didn’t want a romantic relationship with her but the man was...frustrating her. She’d never had an intimate relationship with anyone before but she was almost positive that platonic friends weren’t meant to cause this kind of feeling.

She pushed the thought aside as she looked out into the ocean. “We should see if Maz Kanada will sell us this piece of land.”

Kai’s eyes popped open. “What?”

“I like this place. And if you’re serious about teaching others, this would be an ideal location. And besides, if we buy the land, we can build a small house to stay in.”

He raised a brow. “You planning to live here?”

She thought for a few seconds. “I don’t know. But we’re here a lot and what I do know is that I’m sick of sand fleas and critters running around my legs while I’m trying to sleep.”

Kai snorted and would have replied but Rey’s pad chimed indicating a comm link. He raised his head up to see who it was but Rey promptly smacked her hand into his forehead, forcing his head back down.

He looked at her from under her fingers. “What are you do—”

“Hello General.”

She could see his eyes widen and he sent thoughts of revenge back at her but she ignored him.

The older woman smiled. “Rey, you’ve been a difficult girl to get ahold of.”

Rey looked away in an impression of guilt. “I’m sorry, we’ve been meditating a lot lately and we just sort of zone out.”

Leia’s head tilted. “So your training is going well?”

Rey nodded. “I think so. I haven’t had much chance to use the mind tricks on but I’m getting better with the lightsaber.”

The general gave her a half smile. “That’s good to hear. How are you sleeping?”

Rey’s licked her lips before answering. “I haven’t had any nightmares in a few weeks. The training must be helping.”

The older woman nodded and sighed in relief. “Good, good. I’m glad you’re doing better.”

“Thank you.”

After that the general was all business. “I do have a new mission for you.”

Rey tried not to let her apprehension show as she glanced down to meet Kai’s eyes. “What is it?”

“The First Order is pushing hard into the republic space and they’ve taken over a planet with a key mining operation.” Leia’s voice was flat as she rattled off the information.

Rey was surprised. “You want to liberate it?”

But Leia was shaking her head. “No. We have no way to defend the planet that far from the core worlds. I need you to destroy the mine. A few strategically placed explosives will collapse the whole thing with minimal casualties.”

Rey nodded. “When do you need it done?”

“As soon as possible. Your usual contact will pass you the explosives outside Maz Kanada’s bar.”

She inclined her head once. “Consider it done.”

Leia nodded and the connection was cut.

Rey looked down and realized that her hand had migrated from Kai’s head to his chest, where his hand was covering hers and their fingers were intertwined. She bit her lip and pushed away the emotions that seeped into her mind. She knew this was all she'd get from him, this quiet moment of closeness between them before he turned her away. Her fingers squeezed his gently. His eyes slid closed and she felt his mind commune with hers.

He said nothing regarding the conversation with the general so she spoke up. “I know you don’t want to do the missions but…”

“It’s fine. I’m thinking of it as training practice. And it’ll make a good story at the bar.”

She raised a brow. That had been easier than she thought.

His tone became deceptively light. “You lied to her about your nightmares.”

_And there it is..._

She looked out towards the sea. “They aren’t really nightmares anymore.”

Rey felt him rub his thumb over her palm. “Because he’s not attacking you.” She didn’t answer so he continued. “I’m not an idiot, Rey. You won’t talk about it but the dreams no longer seem to scare you so obviously nothing scary is happening in them.”

At this she looked down at him. “You’re right. He just holds his hand out to me. He never says or does anything else. It’s just he and I standing in a wintery forest.”

“But you don’t take his hand.”

Her tone is flat. “No. If I do, I’ll be letting him in.”

“Seems like he’s already there.”

Kylo Ren had been there for so long that she didn’t know where his influence over her began and where she ended. She longed to find the masked creature, if only to beat out of him the reason for the torment he’d crushed her under since that day on Star Killer Base. But that all seemed like a lifetime ago. She wasn’t the same person anymore…

She didn’t meet his eyes. “When I forced him to sever the connection, he wasn’t able to pull away completely. A part of him remained. I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of it entirely. Not until he’s dead, I think.”

“Are you going to kill him?” It was the same question he’s asked all those months ago when she’d been writhing under the pain the knight had caused her.

She bit her lip. “I don’t know. He seems almost benign now. I’ve not heard any rumblings around the bar about him in months. It’s like he dropped off the map but I don’t know why he would do that.”

“Perhaps something else has drawn his attention and that’s why he isn’t so active with you anymore.”

She looked at the ocean considering. “Perhaps.”

They arrived at the planet, Keshren Four, without incident but Rey couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something was off the second they dropped out of hyperspace. There hadn’t been any destroyers patrolling the planet, at least not on that side of the planet where the largest mine was located. It didn’t help that the strong metallic field of the planet was not only interfering with their instruments and sensors but also with their senses.

Rey looked over at Kai. “I don’t like this. It shouldn’t have been that easy to get here.”

He frowned and nodded. “Let’s just check it out and if it’s a no-go, we’ll abort.”

She nodded and Kai brought the ship in for a landing about four hundred meters from the outer edge of the mining station. She went to the back of the ship and wrapped herself in a camouflaging poncho. But she made sure to wrap her belt containing her staff saber outside the garment. Kai did the same and slung the back of explosives over his shoulder and pulled the straps on.

He pulled his hood up through the poncho, tying scarf around his nose and mouth. She copied him and the pair left the ship to make their way to the station on foot. They moved quickly and silently through the forest, leaping over fallen trees and narrowly missing rocky outcroppings as they went. It was only few minutes before they came to a halt outside the fence surrounding the station. They crouch down behind large rock before looking out into the station.

Rey inhaled sharply. “We need to leave.”

The compound was _crawling_ with storm troopers. Even seeing them, she couldn’t actually sense them because of the interference from the planet. She looked over at Kai who was looking as apprehensive as she felt.

He turned to her. “We might have a problem.”

Before she could answer a voice came from behind them. “Yeah…You do.”

They turned and found a squad of stormtroopers standing behind them, blasters drawn. She took a breath and it was like time slowed down. These were storm troopers. They were barely human…She felt Kai in her mind and her eyes slid to him and he gave her a short nod. It wasn’t what they were prepared for but neither would they allow themselves to be captured and identified.

“Allow us to leave and you don’t have to die here.”

The trooper who sported the orange pauldron cocked his weapon further as he said, “You aren’t going anywhere. Surrender your weapons.”

In the twilight of the setting sun, their light sabers almost seemed menacing as they powered them up. The glow from the burning blades of blue and white filled the area and many of the storm troopers took a step back in the face of so familiar a weapon.

“Fire!”

Kai held up a hand and the blaster-bolts froze in mid-air. All was still for a few seconds as the storm troopers looked at the streaks of red energy that crackled in a mass of energy. She hadn’t known he could do that and by the look on his face, it was costing him some much needed energy so she leapt forwards and swung her staff saber at the squad of troopers, killing them all in seconds.

But more were coming. She could hear them through the forest. “Come on, Kai. We have to leave.”

He came to her and let the blaster fire go. It demolished the fence behind them leaving a large gaping hole. “No. we can still finish the mission.”

“Are you crazy? There’s got to be a couple hundred storm troopers down there!”

“We can take them.”

“You are out of your mind.”

“I’m doing it with or without you.”

He ran off into the compound. Rey opened her mouth to scream at him, but that would only draw attention. She closed her eyes in anger before taking off after him. “Damnit…”

Kylo smiled as he felt Rey follow behind him as he’d known she would. This was just the test she needed to cement her strength. She would not hide from her power after this. He wouldn’t let her. The plan was drawing to an end and the months he’d spent with her would tie them together. She would fight him but she would lose. It was inevitable.

He looked over as she drew up beside him and hissed, “You’re gonna get us both killed.”

“This is nothing.”

“There two of us and hundreds of them.”

“They’re storm troopers. They couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn in those helmets.”

She rolled her eyes at him but followed as they stepped lightly through the compound and entered the mine. The slipped into a side hall and he pulled off the bag with the explosives. He took half of them and then handed the bag to her.

“Put one on every other column. That should take the whole thing down.”

She nodded and they moved away from one another. The place was mostly empty as the vast majority of the stormtroopers were now outside patrolling the woods looking for them. They’d need to be quick or their ship would be found.

He had to sneak up behind a few of the remaining guards and kill them quickly as he placed the bombs every thirty meters along the side and after only ten minutes, he met up with Rey.

He pulled out the detonator. “Let’s get the hell out of there.”

She nodded and they took off running for the entrance again. It was starting to seem too easy to Kylo. He’d have to perhaps see about more advanced strategy training for the officers within the First Order.

That had been his thought anyway, before the blast doors opened to reveal several squadrons of troopers with their weapons aimed squarely at the pair of them. The troopers fired and he and Rey had to deflect blaster bolts until they could get behind the sides of the door.

She yelled at him. “What now!”

“I’ll halt their blasters like before. You take them out!”

She nodded and they both took a breath before moving out into the line of fire. He used both hands to freeze the blaster bolts mid-air and she swiftly ran at the troopers slicing into them like a hot knife through butter, or he supposed, like a lightsaber through flesh. She undoubtedly would hate herself later but to Kylo, no one had ever been so glorious. Let Hux choke on his excuses to Snoke for why his troops had failed to hold this mine against two lone fighters.

He could, of course, take them all out with a wave of his hand but that wasn’t the point of this little exercise. The point was for her to do it. Her teeth were clenched as she swung both blades around but it was all defensive rather than offensive.

_That would need to change._

He very carefully selected a bolt and let it through his defenses. It pierced his side and he fell to the ground. She looked over, her eyes wide as she screamed.

“Kai!”

She was by his side and he held his hand over the wound. He allowed himself to bleed only enough to make it look good while he looked up at Rey. “Go! I’ll slow you down.”

“No! I’m not leaving you!”

“You have to. There’s too many of them for both of us to get through.”

Her eyes went glassy for a moment “Too many… there are too many…”

If there were fewer, she could save Kai.

He heard it float through the force before she looked over at the stormtroopers who were moving closer. She turned back to him and looked into his eyes. “I’ll be right back. Don’t die on me.”

He said nothing as she fired up her light sabers again and took off. He wasn’t able to get up fast enough to see all of it but when he did was breathtaking. Wind swirled around her as she called to the force and it answered. Blaster fire hung in the air around her and she was slicing through armor and flesh like nothing. And while the lightsaber would cauterize any wound, blood still splattered her. She continued on, moving this way and that.

Many of them moved back as a new squad emerged from the lines. He recognized them as riot-control troopers armed with Z-6 batons, the only weapon made by the first order that could withstand a lightsaber.

It was a full squad of ten and he saw Rey panting before them, holding her lightsabers at her side. They mobilized their weapons and the batons crackled with electricity.

He heard her quiet words and he was sure they heard them too. “Get _out_ of my way.”

“Lay down your weapons. You aren’t getting out of here, girl, except on a prison transport.”

Kylo couldn’t see her face but she must have conveyed her thoughts well enough without speaking because half of the squad moved forward and swung their batons at her. This wouldn’t end as he’d expected. She could take storm troopers but Z-6 batons were another story. They weren’t supposed to be here. None of this was supposed to be happening…

He slid back down and grimaced at what he would have to do. He used his power to close the wound before firing up one of his sabers. He lifted it and held it close to the wound melting the skin together and sealing the wound.

“Shit...” Kylo took a breath and opened his eyes. He had to help her or they would be done for. He fired up the other saber before standing up. Rey was holding her own for the most part but the rest of the squad was surrounding her while she fended off the ones that had attacked. She’d taken one out but the others were better versed when it came to dealing with energy weapons.

He took a breath and allowed himself, only for a minute, to become Kylo Ren once more as he came up behind the ones that had surrounded her. He began slashing at them, killing them before they realized what was going on. Rey looked back and spotted him and nodded in his direction as they finished off the riot squad and began walking back towards the exit of the compound. They were both covered in blood and burns and probably presented quite the macabre sight.

Many of the troopers turned and retreated from them. Those that stayed were killed without mercy. They didn’t speak as they walked away from the compound. Kylo hit the detonator when they were clear and explosions rocked the surrounding area. The farther they got away the quieter it became until the only thing he could hear was the sound of the blood hissing and popping as it dripped from Rey’s clothing and came into contact with the blistering furnace of the saber blade. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I have been threatening to do if but I finally got around to going back and updating 'Creatures behind Masks'. I think I managed to fix most of the mistakes and I hadn't realized there were so many of them. ::cringes::


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who starts cursing my name at the cliffhanger, I'll direct your attention to my beta who told me, "that. will kill. everyone. please make it a cliffhanger." LOL. It was all her. XD

Rey sat quietly while Kai got the ship off the ground and into hyperspace. She’d just killed hundreds of men.Their existences snuffed out with a swing from her saber.

“They were barely men. They’re storm troopers.”

She looked over at Kai. “ _Finn_ was a storm trooper.”

“And he was defective and escaped. But he’s an anomaly. the vast majority aren’t like Finn. They do as they’re told and nothing else. Hell, they probably need to be ordered to _eat_.”

She licked her dry lips. “That doesn’t make it alright. What we did.”

His mouth twisted and he looked at her as if she were an errant child being deliberately obtuse. “We did what had to be done to complete the mission. If we hadn’t the First Order would be using that mine to power a hundred more star destroyers.”

She took a breath and nodded. “I need to contact the general. She was right to be paranoid. There’s a spy in the order.”

He raised a brow. “Picked up on that, did you?”

She thought back to the hundreds of dead troopers that assuredly still littered the ground on the planet. “It was kind of hard to miss.”

She checked the time before reaching over and typing out the coded message. It was the middle of the night on the base so a typed report rather than a vid would have to do. She outlined that they had run into far more troops than anticipated but were successful anyway. She also added that there was the possibility of sabotage but kept it fairly clinical.

She finished and sent the message off as they dropped out of hyperspace. Kai brought the ship in for a landing outside Maz’s palace and Rey got up from her seat. It was then that she noticed it…

Her eyes twitched as she removed the camouflage poncho from her body. It was a soddy red mess and she had to resist the urge to just drop it to the floor. She held it out in front of her, eyeing it with disgust and a bit of regret. Her clothing from the thighs down and even the scrap of cloth she’d used to cover half her face was covered in red spatter as well.

She was a mess. “I—I’ll be right back.”

She rushed to the back of the ship to the latrine and promptly emptied her stomach of its contents. Her eyes shut and she wiped her mouth as she backed away. Kai was in the hallway and he’d removed his poncho as well but she could see the red covering him as well. His face was flat and his mouth a thin line as he looked at her.

She grimaced. “How can you be so calm about this?”

His expression was uncaring and his tone aloof. “Because it’s them or us. At the end of the day, they’re fodder for the First Order. Born and raised to die in service. Our destinies are far more important.”

Rey shook her head at his words. “That’s cold.”

His mouth twisted. “It’s the truth and you know it as well as I do. Now go...get a cleaned up. You’ll feel better after a ‘fresher wash and a good meal. One, you hopefully won’t vomit up.”

He walked away and she glared at him as he left. She didn’t understand him sometimes, his moods shifted like the desert sands in a storm. And lately, he was becoming more and more...fanatical about their training and their ‘destinies’. What did he know about destiny? He was a cargo pilot before she’d stumbled upon him and he hadn’t wanted to do any of this. She’d had to practically strong arm him into everything.

Rey shook her head and headed for her quarters to get a change of clothing before hitting the fresher. She knew that she really only needed one pass through the fresher. It removed everything that didn’t have a very specific cellular makeup. But she took a second run through it anyway just to be sure before stepping out and dressing. She put the bloody clothing into a bag and carried it with her. Hopefully, she would be able to scrub the blood out of her pants later.

Kai was waiting for her, though he said nothing. He’d changed as well but instead of his usual dark grey, he wore straight-up black. With his dark hair and pale skin, it made him look like some kind of unnatural creature. It was a more casual look, though. Just a longsleeve shirt and loose pants with a quilted jacket.

He was clean but he hadn’t gone through the fresher. She didn’t know how he could stand it.

His eyes slid to her and she knew he could read her. His mouth twisted but he said nothing as they went to the hatch and exited the ship. It was dusk on that part of Takodana and their contact would be meeting them at the bar with their pay. There was a bit more space between them than there usually was as they walked towards the bar and that was fine for Rey.

Or it would have been if Kai hadn’t reached over and taken her hand.

She looked down at their clasped fingers and then back up at him. He wasn’t looking at her but his grip was tight. She felt along their connection and softened immediately. Despite his prickly attitude, he was worried about her.

“You don’t have to act like the tough guy all the time.”

He sighed. “If I don’t, neither of us will be able to keep it together. And I’m not letting you spiral out of control. Not like before.”

She tried to reassure him. “I’m sleeping fine now and I don’t have many of the dreams any—”

He cut her off with a scoff. “One trauma replacing another doesn’t fix the problem. You need thicker skin if you’re going to get out of this war alive.”

“If it costs me my humanity then maybe—”

He abruptly halted and she stumbled to a stop as he put both hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. “If I ever hear you say anything like that again…”

“You’ll do what? What are you gonna do, Kai?”

He took a deep breath while looking at her and let it out slowly before pulling her to him. She didn’t embrace him back and her arms hung down by her sides.

He whispered to her. “I won’t lose you. Not to the light or the dark. Not to the resistance or death.”

Her heart broke a bit for him. After what he’s been through… “Kai, I wouldn’t do anything—”

He pulled away but didn’t meet her eyes. “Stop. Just...Stop.”

She nodded and allowed her hand to be taken again and they walked across the landing pad and into the bar without speaking again.

The noise inside was loud as they entered and made their way over to the bar. She leaned over to the bartender and asked. “Is our contact here?”

The girl was a resistance sympathizer who was completely loyal and acted as an informant when the usual spies weren’t able to be there. She shook her head no.

That was odd, normally a liaison would be there waiting for them before they left and after they returned.

She turned back to Kai. “He’s not here, yet”

He nodded. “Why don’t we get some sleep, then. He’ll be here by morning.”

She nodded and they walked away from the bar and into the main palace building. Their room was just as they’d left it weeks ago. Rey sighed and mentally made a note to pick up a couple of shifts to thank the little alien for putting up with their rather sporadic actions.

She pulled off her boots, sleeves and the overpiece of the outfit but left the shirt and pants on. Kai stripped down to just his pants and she looked away from his naked chest. None of their sleeping clothes were in there so they’d have to make do. She pulled back the covers and slipped under them and allowed her body to just melt into the mattress. She sighed in ecstasy while Kai joined her and pulled the blankets over himself.

She turned to him and looked his strong features over for a second before he noticed. He gazed at her but she couldn’t read him. He was blocking her as he did on occasion, usually while they were in bed. He didn’t say anything but he reached over and pulled her until he was half laying on his side with her head on his chest.

“Stop thinking and go to sleep.”

She nodded and closed her eyes.

 

The sound of her pad chiming woke her up and her eyes opened and shut a few times in the darkness before sliding to the side table to see the devil-spawn device blinking at her.

“Oh my stars…”

She tried to reach over but found her movement limited by the enormous body currently wrapped around her like a sand-crawler with its prey. She stretched her arm out and felt around until her fingers hit the pad and she sort of finger-crawled it over the table top until she got a hand on it.

Because Kai could sleep through anything, apparently.

She held it up and pressed the ‘accept’ button. Their liaison was there and wanted to see them.

She sighed, looking at the time. “Dammit.”

She gently pried the man’s vice-grip-like arms from around her and got up. She heard him move around slightly and reach for her, his hand encircling her wrist.

His voice was barely more than a mumble. “What’s wrong?”

She shook him off and got up and began redressing. “Our contact is here. I’ll take care of it. You go back to sleep and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, alright.”

And he was out again which had her rolling her eyes. But she didn’t comment further while pulling her boots back on. She quietly opened the door and slipped out and walked back to the bar.

It was late into the night or early in the morning depending on who you asked, but the place had a quiet subdued atmosphere at this point and it was easy to spot her contact. She stopped in her tracks, recognizing the woman from behind.

It was the general, herself.

Rey tilted her head but walked forward none the less. She felt out and sure enough there were at least a half dozen resistance fighters in various parts of the bar, keeping a close watch on the people and goings on.

She came to the table and sat across from Leia Organa. “I guess you got my message about the spy.”

The woman nodded. “I did.”

“We still completed our mission, though.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then…”

“I’m not here to talk about your mission, Rey.”

Her confusion showed on her face. “What is this about?”

The general pulled out a large pad from besider her and clicked a few buttons on it before sliding it over to her. “I want to talk to you about this man.”

It was Kai, obviously the image was taken without his knowledge and looked to be from their time early on when they were first learning to commune with the force.

“You’ve been spying on us?”

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re safe. What do you know about this man?”

“Kai...He’s my best friend. We’ve been training together for months. Anything else, with all due respect, is none of your business.”

Leia looked surprised at being rebuffed so thoroughly but nodded none the less.

“Why are you asking about him?”

“I gave you access to the jedi archives but not just anyone can practice the jedi arts. You’re powerful with the force. I could tell that when I first met you. When you told me about a man that you’d met—another force-user—I had to make sure that you were not being unduly influenced. And apparently I was right to have that concern.”

“What are you talking about?”

Leia’s mouth twisted into a frown. “Rey, I saw what was left of the base on Keshren Four.”

Rey swallowed past the lump in her throat. “We did what we had to do to complete the mission. You told us to destroy the base.”

The general’s tone was flat. “I provided you with explosives so that you could take out their mining operation. You and... _Kai_ slaughtered over three hundred troopers and personnel on that base. _At close range_.”

Rey shook her head. “As I said before in my report, there is a spy in your ranks…”

She finally looked up and met Leia’s eyes. She had meant to merely convey her conviction that they had been sabotaged but in doing so she picked up on something.

Rey blinked a few times as she tried to process what she’d just learned. “The plan didn’t go how you expected it to go. That’s why there wasn’t a contact here waiting for us. _You expected us to die._ ”

The general’s eyes widened and she looked furious. “Stay out of my mind.”

Rey’s teeth clenched at the older woman’s betrayal. “Why…Why would you try to have us killed?”

Leia shook her head. “I had hoped…”

 _Hope be damned. This was her_ life.

“What? What did you hope?” She snarled the words out.

The general steeled herself. “I had hoped that you might influence him. That…he might return to the light if he stayed with you. But it seems that it’s been the other way around. He is dragging you down with him.”

Rey trembled as she came to grips with what was happening. “What are you talking about?”

The doors suddenly flew open and Kai stood there. He lacked his shirt and boots and it looked as if he’s just rolled out of bed. Though none of that mattered in the face of the fury that no doubt every person in the room could feel rolling off the man.

His eyes bore into Leia’s. “That’s enough.”

The general stood up. “You seem concerned, _Kai._ Have you been keeping secrets and telling lies?”

Rey looked between the two, her mind struggling to grasp what she knew was the truth. “Kai, what is going on?”

Kai walked to her side swiftly. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s happening!”

Kai seemed to be barely holding it together and he said again though gritted teeth. “Let’s go.”

He took her hand but she stopped him, not budging. “You’re going to tell me what’s going on. _Now_.”

Kai stopped and took a breath and drew himself up to his full height as he looked at her, his mouth making an ugly shape of contempt. She’d never seen such an expression on his face. His hand came up to her face and she had only a fraction of a second to recognize the gesture for what it was before darkness suffused her vision and all she could hear was the voice of Kylo Ren whispering to her, “You’ll know everything soon. _I’ll show you._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outtakes:  
> “If it costs me my humanity then maybe—”  
> He abruptly halted and she stumbled to a stop as he put both hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. “If I ever hear you say anything like that again…”  
> “You’ll do what? What are you gonna do, Kai.”  
> “I’ll tie you to my bed and keep you for at least three days. I’m just in that kind of mood.”  
> Her face flushed before she burst out laughing. 
> 
> ^Here’s hoping at least a few of you got that reference. :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Sarah, my beta, for putting up with me constantly messaging her. ;)
> 
> Additionally, I added a couple of extra chapters to this story so it won't end at 20. Some of the chapters had to be split up so I think it will end at about 22 or 23. Or at least, that will be the end of this arc. I am currently working on the outline for the sequel to this fic.

Kylo had felt his eyes snap open as feelings of guilt, fear and confusion filled his mind. Something was wrong with Rey. He felt around the bed but she wasn’t there and it took him a second to remember that she’d left to meet with the resistance contact.

He reached out and he could feel her but he couldn’t feel whomever it was she was speaking to… Only one person could shield themselves in such a way. She’d taught him how to do it, after all. His eyes narrowed. This hadn’t been part of the plan. He’d have to move up his time table.

Kylo had left, not bothering with his shoes or shirt, and headed out into the bar. There were resistance fighters stationed all over the large room but he ignored them and stalked over to where Rey was seated. She got up and demanded an explanation.

But he’d be damned if he would have that conversation in front of his mother. And the old lady was just egging them on which made him ever angrier. He knew he was showing Rey a part of himself that he’d kept from her and that would scare her. But there was nothing to be done about it now. 

The game had ended and now the actual fight would begin. 

He turned to her while she stood there glaring at him and made the decision. His hand came up and she blinked before falling to darkness. He sent reassuring thoughts to her, though she probably wouldn’t appreciate them.

Kylo caught Rey as she fell and he hauled her up until she was slumped in his arms. With that he turned back to his mother.

“As usual mother, your timing is impeccable.”

She glared up at him and her voice was low. “How dare you. You killed your own father and that’s all you have to say to me?”

His face twitched at the reminder. “I removed an obstacle that stood in my way. Had he just left, he’d still be alive. But he didn’t—because of  _ you _ .” His face took on an ugly sneer. “I felt it in his mind before I took his life.  _ You _ told him to come after me. He’d already long given up, as you should have, but his devotion to you forced him to at least try to fulfill your wish.”

She slapped him across the face but his head didn’t even move.

She was nothing to him. “If you’re done, I have places to be and pretty girls to enlighten.”

He turned to leave but she stepped into his path. “You’re not taking her anywhere.”

His eyes narrowed and his smile was reptilian. “You think not? And how will you stop me?”

With his words, the resistance fighters who had been watching silently stood up and pointed their blasters his way. He’d laugh if they mattered even that much.

His head tilted. “Why do you care if I take this scavenger? You used her to bait a trap for me and planned to have her killed as well.”

She looked mutinous. “It would have been worth the sacrifice if it had worked. But you’re done with her now. Leave her and you can walk out of here.”

At this, he did chuckle. “Oh mother. You haven’t learned.”

With that, every blaster that was pointed towards him exploded, filling the bar with smoke and noise. Kylo Ren turned away from his mother and began walking out, uncaring of the chaos that reigned around him. The patrons who had been minding their own business kept well out of his way but the resistance fighters who came at him were flung into the walls before they even got close.

He was outside and halfway to the landing pad when Leia’s thoughts floated to him.  _ There’s something I don’t understand, Ben. You’ve been playing house with that girl for almost a year. Why? _

He looked down at Rey. She looked as beautiful as ever with her dark curls and the smattering of freckles that remained from their time in the sun. It seemed so long ago and much had happened since that first time on the beach.

_ I will bring peace to the galaxy. _

He could almost see her head shake in denial.  _ Snoke is a mere shadow of the emperor that he once was. You don’t need her to kill him. You’ve done enough damage to her. _

He came to his ship and the hatch opened.  _ I have made her strong. Stronger than anyone else. I do need her. She will do what I could not. Together, she and I will achieve things that neither you nor Snoke could accomplish.  _

He placed his burden into the co-pilot’s chair and powered the ship on and took off into space. He never heard if his mother responded.

Rey woke, her head aching in a familiar way. She was laid out on a pallet on the ground but it wasn’t sand like she was expecting. The air was drier and thinner than it was at the beach and it was chilly enough that there was a blanket draped over her. She looked around, trying to remember what had happened and get her bearings. There was a fire going in front of her and Kai was crouched down before it, feeding wood into the blaze.

_ Kai… _

He turned and looked at her and she blinked a few times before sitting up, her eyes never leaving his.

“You’re him, aren’t you. Kylo Ren.”

“Yes.”

She looked at him for a long moment and she could feel the floodgates of rage give way inside her as her hand came up and her staff saber flew from the ship and into her hand. 

He was ready for her as she launched herself at him, nearly shoving him into the fire. He managed to move out of the way but she followed him, using the force to increase the strength of her swings as she sought to kill him.

“Rey, stop!”

But her jaw was clenching and she was shaking her head in denial. “I’m going to  _ kill  _ you. It’s only a matter of how many times I’ll need to slice you open before you finally  _ bleed _ to death.”

Dirt and pebbles flew into air as they fought and the smell of burning ozone and blinding light filled her senses, She couldn’t see his eyes though her raging assault but that was fine. She didn’t need to meet the gaze of a liar. 

She managed to slice into his shoulder and he stumbled back, panting. His expression told her he was still trying to think of a way to talk her out of this. He’d be dead long before she let that happen.

They’d moved further away from the fire and it was darker and colder where they were, their only source of light, being the glowing sabers at their sides. 

His voice was breathless. “I can’t let you kill me, Rey.”

She snarled at him and again swung her blade around, aiming for his head. “Oh, I don’t think you’ll make it easy. But the ground will be stained with your blood when I’m done with you.”

He didn’t respond but he managed to block her next assault on him. His lightsabers swung around quickly as he fought to keep her from _ killing  _ him. Using two sabers in tandem was not his strongest skill and her rage was making it more and more difficult for him to evade her thrusts. They’d moved into a gloomy deadened forest and left nothing but smoking gashes and broken down trees in their wake.

He tried reach into her mind but she was blocking him. He gritted his teeth as he prevented her from coming down on him with  _ both  _ sabers and he said, “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

She blinked a few times as if she didn’t understand and her eyes were glassy as she continued to attack him. Her voice was low. “I thought you and I would be together one day. But you were using me. I traded one life of slavery for another. I won’t be another’s chattel again.”

He shook his head. “That is never what I asked from you!”

Her leg came up and she kicked him in the stomach sending him careening back into a tree but he had to move to the side quickly as a lightsaber whizzed through the trunk, separating it from the ground. He watched the red-hot cut fade back to black for only a fraction of a second before having to move again to avoid a thrust.

Her expression was thunderous and her hair, wild as she stood there looking at him. “No! That’s never what  _ Kai  _ asked from me. But Kai was a cargo pilot from a small village in the outer rim.  _ You _ are compulsive liar and a patricidal lunatic!”

She came at him again. Perhaps if he kept the fight up long enough she’d grow tired and cool down. But that didn’t stop him from grazing her leg and she screamed in pain before haphazardly throwing one of her sabers at his face. He was able to dodge it for the most part but it sliced through the delicate skin of his brow and he fell to the ground.

He looked up at her, his breath coming in short gasps at the pain in his face. Blood spilled from the wound into his eyes giving everything a tinge of red. 

Her face was twisted in a mockery of sympathy. “What’s the matter, Kylo Ren? You seem tired. Is this not what you wanted when you were  _ infesting _ my mind and driving me insane?”

Her eyes had taken on the familiar yellow and red sheen as she approached him. The darkness was close to consuming her. This needed to stop or she would be lost. Rey brought her lightsaber up, intent on striking him down but his eyes narrowed as his hand came out and he called his red saber to him. It powered on in a shower of red flame and hissed against the energy of her staff as he blocked her.

If her expression had been vengeful before, the trembling of her jaw as she looked at him had Kylo at a loss for words. There was no denying what he was, anymore. Not now with the crossguard saber in front of her.

He shoved her away and stood up. He was back in his element now. In his preferred style and he could unleash the full force of his power and training. He could no longer afford to hold back. She seemed to realize that as well, but she lunged at him with a scream none the less. They grabbed each other’s wrists as they pushed against one another and his saber was forced into the ground, leaving burning gauges in the terrain as they struggled against one another.

He caught her gaze. “Nothing has changed, Rey.”

She practically spat at him. “You’re a liar. Everything about you is a lie!  _ Everything  _ has changed!”

His breathing was harsh as he fought to hold her at bay. “None of the important things.”

But she pushed him away. “You’ll say anything to save your own skin, Knight of Ren. But I won’t listen any more.”

Kylo would not allow this to go any further. He’d worked too long and too hard to let her slip through his fingers and go crawling back to Snoke in failure. His voice took on a sibilant quality. “You _ will _ listen.”

“You no longer give me orders!”

He held up his hand and her lightsaber flew from her fingers away from her. Her eyes narrowed but, stupidly, in her blind rage, she still went for him anyway. He caught her and pushed her down onto the ground. He followed and his knees came down onto her arms where he put most of his weight to hold her down. She shook her head and screamed at him when his hands came up and framed her face, holding her still. The contact allowed him to commune fully with her. To feel  _ everything _ she felt. 

Agony and fear saturated her mind but the darkness that he’d placed there was taking over and he did his best to force it out. He took the dark passenger from her so that all that remained was her own darkness. He could not stop himself from reveling in it, even as her eyes widened and she fought him.

But the yellow and red faded from her gaze and tears welled up as she gasped in pain. Without the darkness there to keep the rage flowing, sadness and pure misery overtook her.

Her voice was a choking gasp. “Why did you do this to me? I—I did nothing to you. But you’ve twisted me into a monster. But I...You—I—I’m not...I don’t use the dark side”

He leaned down closer to her and he kept his tone gentle. “You know that’s a lie. You are powerful now and too far along in your journey to lie to yourself.”

But she was still trying to escape him, her head shaking and that wouldn’t do. It was time to take that last step before he allowed her to complete her training. Kylo took a breath and didn’t allow himself to feel any guilt or regret for what he was about to do. His eyes slid closed as he forced her mind open to him and went deeper than he’d ever gone before. She didn’t stop him this time, too weak and tired to resist him anymore. 

He heard her let out a shuddering sigh and it was like coming home now. He opened his eyes again and saw that her face no longer reflected sadness but the ecstasy of a completed force-bond. She would never be free of him. He knew his expression mirrored hers as he realized that he would never be free of her, either. His eyes were drawn to her lips and he watched her mouth working quickly as she tried to process the feelings that raged within her.  _ Within them both. _

But Kylo still felt her fear. Of the darkside. Of herself and her power. He brought his head the rest of the way down until his forehead touched hers and he echoed the words he’d said to her from a lifetime ago. “Don’t be afraid. _ I feel it too _ .”

She panted heavily, her eyes meeting his as everything fell into place around her. She felt him with everything in her and her eyes closed as he leaned forward and finally committed the act that he’d never allowed for himself.

He kissed her.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took me so long to post today. I was literally working on it up until now. I haven't been especially happy with the quality of my writing and I expect more from myself so I tried to add more 'atmospheric' qualities to this chapter. I hope it reads better as I think this chapter is a better representation of my writing aesthetic than the last few have been.
> 
> As always, critique is welcome and thank you for reading! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost to the end now. And I'm thanking the higher deities that Sarah has been willing to put up with me and edit these chapters because I was ready to just sort of give up. This fic has really taken a lot out of me and it was good to have her remind me that I can and should put out the best quality writing, even if it takes more than a few editing passes to get there.

Neither of them had much practice when it came to kissing but as the minutes ticked by, it became increasingly obvious that neither of them cared. It wasn’t the most pleasant kiss of Rey’s life, but it was by far the most intense. She thought that she’d never have a kiss this intense again.

Her eyes snapped open and she bit down on the man above her. He didn’t cry out or jerk away. He only moved his face an inch from her’s, his bottom lips still bloody and caught between her teeth. Rey could barely see him the darkness without the light from their sabers. But he met her gaze and she could see him well enough that she thought he might actually be enjoying the pain.

She released him and felt drops of his blood drip down onto her lips. He said nothing as he looked down at her. It was as if he was simply taking everything in. Savoring his victory over her. Rey’s eyes narrowed at the smug look on his face. She glanced quickly to the side and spotted a rock in the din. Using the force she manipulated it into the air and flung it at Kylo.

He dodged it with a chuckle. “I wouldn’t bother.” He tapped her temple with his fingers. “I’m here now.”

She tried again to move away from him. “Get out of my head!”

He was too smug by half. “It’s too late for that. I’ve completed the force-bond with you.”

Rey hoped that didn’t mean what she thought it meant. “Force-bond? What…”

He smiled indulgently at her and she longed to hit him. “I’ve been preparing your mind for months to accept me. I know you felt it. The longing to be with me. Thoughts that weren’t your own.”

It came to her and she took a sharp breath as she understood his allusion. His words in her mind...The neediness that had taken over her life and made her cling to him like a limpet.

Her apprehension must have shown on her face because he add, “You’ll be relieved to know that most of those desperate feelings will wear off in a few days.”

“You...you bastard!”

He smiled at her. No remorse was present there and she felt none in his mind.

Her fists clenched. “Get  _ off  _ me!”

Kylo sat back a bit and put even more of his weight on her. “And why would I do that?”

Her head came up from the ground as she glared at him. “So I can beat you into the early grave that you so richly deserve.”

He snorted but leaned down once more. She backed away immediately and turned her head but he was undeterred, brushing a soft kiss by her ear instead. She flinched as it made her skin crawl. “Things are as they should be, Rey. This was meant to happen. It is the will of the force.”

She shook her head. “You’re absolutely out of your mind!”

He sighed. “I know you see it that way now but once the bond settles, we will be of one mind.”

He got up off her and stood up. He held out his hand to help her but she laid there defiantly in the dirt before slapping his hand away and getting up herself. She gazed at him disgustedly with narrowed eyes. The self-satisfied look on his face ate at her and apparently he couldn’t read everything that passed through her mind because when she hauled back and punched him across the jaw, he staggered back.

She looked at him with unconcealed disdain. “Not as present in my mind as you thought.”

He scoffed and had to spit out the blood that filled his mouth. “I suppose I deserved that.”

She pointed towards him and raised her voice. “You deserve a lot more than that, you son of bitch. And yes, your mother is a bitch, too.”

His eyebrows were up into his hairline in surprise before he shook his head. “Try living with her for a decade.”

She took a breath and shut her eyes, composing herself before opening them again. “Why…why did you do this to me? The nightmares; the lies; what could you have possibly gained by doing this?.”

He looked away from her. “After you escaped, I was drawn to you and I couldn’t have stayed away even if I wanted to. I need you.”

She shook her head. “But why? Why the elaborate ruse? Did it make you feel powerful to lead me on like this?”

His eyes narrowed. “Snoke is barely more than a specter with little physical power. But when he created the Knights of Ren, he tied us all to him so we could never kill him. I have seen others try but when the time came to delivered the death-blow, they were unable to follow through. You are strong enough now to fight him and kill him where I would have failed.”

Her face took on a look of disgust. “Are you telling me that you just spent the last year sneaking around my head like the snake that you are because you don’t have the testicular fortitude to kill your own master?  _ That’s it? _ ”

Kylo looked incensed. “You know that wasn’t all of it.”

Rey felt him pushing thoughts and emotions of all the times they’d bonded together. He wanted her to think he actually gave a damn about her.  _ What a joke. _

She couldn’t even look at him. “You’ve condemned me to a life with the darkside rattling around my mind because you can’t do your own dirty work…”

Rey allowed rage overtake her again and her hand came out. One of her lightsabers flew into her hand and she saw Kylo reach for his in anticipation of an attack. 

She held the lightsaber out, pointed towards him. “I’m going to do the galaxy a favor.” She lunged at him again, feeling the cool burn of her anger fueling every attack. This man, who had meant so much to her, betrayed her trust and she felt like a fool. 

He was backing up again and doing his best to deflect her attack. “I won’t fight you. I don’t want to hurt you!”

Her teeth clenched. He was the superior fighter and he was making her look like a malcontented child. But if he wouldn’t attack then she’d end it.  _ End him _ . And forget this nightmare ever happened. Let the general and her sycophants deal with Snoke and the First Order. Rey wanted no part in any of it. Not anymore. 

He managed to block her swing and she force-pushed him down onto the ground. He looked up at her, his head shaking in denial. “You don’t want to do this, Rey.”

Her teeth gritted. “I think I’ve never wanted to do something  _ more  _ in my entire life.”

“That’s the darkness talking.”

She didn’t respond as she brought the lightsaber up, intent on killing him.

But she couldn’t. Something in her caused her to back up a step and she felt the pain in her heart. It hurt…

Her eyes met his as she clutched her hand to her chest, and panted trying to get control of herself. She stepped back again and she sneered at him before turning and walking further into the forest. Away from him and everything that hurt her. She just had to escape it all. She walked and walked until she had no idea where she was. And she found she didn’t care either as she powered on her saber again and just screamed.

She began hacking away, giving her anger a physical manifestation of destruction. It was a reaction completely unlike her and she knew that but it made her feel better to destroy  _ something  _ even if that something wasn’t her true target. She lashed out again and again until she was surrounded by nothing but smoking stumps.

She panted and powered the light saber down. It all was starting to hit her and she fell to her knees. With the tears came the gut-wrenching sobs that had her doubled over in physical pain.  _ Everything was a lie. _ The feelings she’d had for the man she thought was her friend. How he’d insinuated himself into her life and manipulated her. And she’d let him. She’d never dug too deep into his mind and had respected his privacy.

She let out a choked laugh.  _ That would teach her _ , she thought mournfully. And that was almost close to how she felt. She  _ mourned _ who she’d been before he’d come into her life. Before he’d...defiled her and turned her into a monster.

She felt him approach her from behind. He crouched down near to her but she couldn’t look at him. Everything hurt too bad. His hand came around her shoulder and he pulled her to him. She fought him for a few minutes hissing and spitting at him as she tried to get him away from her. 

She eventually ran out of energy and hung in the air by the wrists he held. “You’re tearing me apart.”

He embraced her again and she sobbed into his neck. His voice pleaded with her. “Please stop... _ It hurts _ .”

“Good.”

He didn’t respond, just kept his arms around her, and they sat on the smoking ground for what might had been for hours as she cried until she had no more tears left to shed.

Kylo looked at Rey as she slept in the bunk. She was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, and she’d all but passed out after destroying half a forest. He felt like he’d have liked to pass out as well but after she’d nearly killed him, he couldn’t take the chance that she might try again. 

It still hurt him...that she’d actually intended to kill him. He’d taken a chance and as he’d thought, the bond would not allow for her to murder him. But the idea that she had tried despite the feelings she’d had for him...He shook his head.

She might hate him for what he’d done to her for the rest of their lives but he knew now that she’d never go against him. Though, as he looked over her sprawled form, he hoped she eventually moved on from this. Her hatred of him for his deception was something he’d deliberately put from his mind while everything unfolded. He’d known she would be angry but Kylo had been certain that it would be a simple matter to convince her that what he’d done had been for the best. 

But he’d underestimated how much the darkness had affected her. Perhaps before, she’d have forgiven him, but she was different now. She was filled with violence and it was directed at him. He had no one to blame but himself, but wallowing in self-pity would get him nowhere. When Snoke was dead, he would have plenty of time to fix his mistakes and she would fall in love with him again. He only needed to remind her of what they’d had together. He’d planned so many things to do with her, places to take her and things she could try. Beautiful clothing and rich food as he ferried her around the galaxy in their own private vessel, escorted by the flagships of the fleet. 

They’d go back to sharing a bed and he’d finally be able to act on the desires that he’d denied to himself and her before. His breath quickened and he licked his suddenly dry lips as he shifted in his seat.

“You have a better chance of being blown by a protocol droid.”

He jumped and looked up from her chest to her face and found her staring at him.

Kylo snorted and shrugged. “At least I wouldn’t have to worry about the droid biting.” And it looked like she wasn’t getting ready to attack him again which he took that as a good sign.

She scowled at him. “Biting will be the least of your problems if you even think of touching me again.”

He grimaced. If she was serious, he’d be doing more than thinking about it.

Rey made soft gagging noises. “You’re disgusting.”

There was nothing he could say to that because it was probably true.

She rolled her eyes. “So what’s your big plan?”

He was still eyeing her to make sure she wouldn’t lunge at him again so the question brought him up short. “What?”

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes. “I’m assuming you didn’t spend a year pretending to be a crap force-user only to get to this point and not have something in mind for your end game. Speaking of which, what, exactly, is your end game? We’re out of allies, money, and time. Your mother just tried to kill us and the First Order is growing more powerful everyday.”

He hadn’t put too terribly much thought into it, truth be told; he’d been more enamored with thinking over what he’d do once the supreme leader was dead.

As it was, he tried to sound commanding. “Snoke needs to die. I’ll bring you before him as an initiate to the knights and we’ll destroy him.”

She looked unimpressed. “That easy?”

He grimaced at her tone and ran his tongue over his teeth before responding. “Nothing in my life has ever been easy. We may not succeed.”

She nodded and tilted her head. “What will happen to the First Order after Snoke is gone? The Republic?”

At this, his voice took on a hint of arrogance. “The First Order will become what we make of it. I’ve no interest in the Republic. At least not yet, so they will stay as they are. The resistance has stolen much of their territory and tax revenue while they have been struggling to stay afloat against the First Order. Once we declare a truce with the Republic, the resistance will crumble.”

Her chin tilted up slightly and she met his eyes. “You’ll need a very tight plan. More so than just walking up to the man, killing him, and hoping everything works out. When Snoke is dead, the First Order and the Knights will be in chaos…”

His mouth twisted. “I am the master of the Knights. They will bow before me or burn with the supreme leader.”

She shook her head in disgust. “You’d have us remove one dictator and replace him with another.”

Kylo met her heated gaze head on. “It is the will of the force for us to bring about a new order of force users and we will need an empire backing us to do it. And I won’t have that left to chance. No one is as strong as you or I in this galaxy, and you are the only person whose loyalty I can count on. One of us will run the empire and the other will direct the new order.”

She looked decidedly disinterested in his plan. “You’re making quite the leap regarding my loyalty. I don’t plan to linger while you build yourself you own little empire. You’ll have to find someone else for that secondary position. After Snoke is dead, you and I are going our separate ways.”

His eyes narrowed. “You can’t be serious.”

She tilted her head and gave him a withering look. “Of course I am. I can’t think of a single reason good reason to subject myself to your presence a second longer than I have to. So, yes, I intend to go elsewhere when this is done.”

His lips pulled back into a snarl. “What exactly are you planning to do, then? Go back to being a  _ barmaid _ ?”

She shrugged, indifferent to his irritation with her. “Maybe. I  _ liked  _ working at Maz’s bar. Don’t know if she’d take me back after what just happened, but if not there, then somewhere else. Or I’ll work as a pilot or mechanic. It’s what I had planned to do before I had the misfortune of meeting  _ you _ .”

Kylo felt his eye twitch at the very idea of one of the most powerful force-users in the galaxy working as a waitress in some seedy dive. Her power and potential would be wasted serving drinks to the unwashed masses. He felt ill just thinking about it. No...It was not even to be considered.

He shook his head. “I won’t allow it. Even if you won’t rule with me, you can still have a position within the new empire.”

And now she just seemed unimpressed. “If I did that, I’d never be rid of you.”

He looked her in the eye. “Even if you try to leave me, you’ll never be rid of me. I’ll follow you to the edges of the galaxy and beyond if I have to and drag you back here. You’re mine.”

Rey rolled her eyes at him and got up. “Why is this so hard for you to understand? I don’t like you. I don’t want to be around you. You’re a blight on the galaxy. I can barely  _ look _ at you without feeling like I want to vomit. That’s not a life either of us want with another person. When Snoke is dead, I’m leaving.”

He stood up as well and clasped a hand around her wrist. “You feel that way now but you cared about me before. You  _ loved _ me. I felt it from you everyday and I know you can feel that way again. We just need time.” And if she didn’t on her own, the bond would make it so. At least he hoped it would. He had plans for her...

She shook her head in exasperation and sighed. “I don’t see what you hope to gain from keeping me with you. I’ve no interest in helping you after Snoke is dead or with helping you build an empire. I know you aren’t this dense, Kai. You need to understand: I don’t want to be near you, or even breath the same air as you.”

His face twitched in anger. “I won’t let you go. The bond between us—my grandfather had one with my grandmother and when he lost her, it drove him insane. I won’t fall to the same fate.” He couldn’t, no he  _ wouldn’t _ , lose her. Not when he finally had her. 

Rey pulled her wrist from his grasp. “Then maybe you should have thought of that before forcing it onto me. I’ll never thank you for it or be grateful. I’ll never love you like I did before because you aren’t the man I thought you were. Kai was a good man who cared about me and had my best interest in mind. Kylo Ren is a selfish, mass-murdering liar. I can’t love a man like that.”

His jaw trembled in pain and anger as she walked out and he took a steadying breath. This was not what he wanted. He’d developed feelings for her while they’d been together—genuine feelings—and while he knew his ability to convey affection was severely stunted, Rey had always been affectionate enough for the both of them.

She’d come around. She had to.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to those of you hoping that Kylo revealing himself was going to lead to them doing the nasty. Tbh, the possibility was there but the farther along I got, the less I felt that Rey would actually consent to relations with the guy who has been manipulating her for the last 10-11 months. Kylo Ren is a lying liar and it's going to take a while before she's willing to put that behind her. It probably doesn't help that he's still not being totally honest with her. He's just kind of a crappy person.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to start out by giving a shoutout to my beta, Sarah(aka Firelord65). She has been a freaking godsend and has helped me so much on these chapters. They are far and away, better chapters than they would be if it was just me twiddling away at my keyboard. This is especially true because she is also a writer and is working on her own Reylo fic. So she's writing that and also somehow finding the time to edit my chapters. I can't recommend her fic, Descent, highly enough. It's insane how edge-of-your-seat and heart-wrenching it is. So if you're looking for a good read that goes down the darkest rabbit hole, check out Descent by FireLord65

Rey was still unable to look at Kai...Kylo. And now he was dressed again as a Knight once more and the very sight of it rubbed salt into the gaping wounds that she still felt from his betrayal. He had kept his distance since their last conversation for the most part, thankfully. He only came to her to tell her they were headed to Korriban and to warn her of what to expect. She’d stared at the familiar black clothing as he stood towering in the doorway to her quarters. He had looked so out of place in the grungy cargo ship that had become her home that she’d hardly believed what she was seeing.

“Call me ‘master’.” He’d said and she got the feeling he was enjoying himself.

She’d rolled her eyes before shaking her head. “I don’t think so.”

Kylo’s eyes became serious. “Rey, you are going as my apprentice. I’ve been away for a while and they will be looking for any weakness to exploit. Don’t make eye contact and don’t speak unless spoken too.”

She’d sighed in irritation but nodded anyway.

He’d held the familiar mask by his side and she couldn’t help the tear that had slipped out after he’d left her. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry. Not any more. But every reminder of her stupidity was as a knife through her chest. But she’d do this. Snoke was _ evil _ and he’d poisoned Ben Solo and been the cause of countless deaths in the galaxy. 

And now they were coming out of hyperspace and the viewport was filled with the orange hue of the First Order homeworld, of Korriban. He’d told her it was the former seat of power for the sith. The planet was a desert and most everything to make it livable had to be brought in from around the First Order territory. 

“It should have stayed dead.”

She felt his gaze on her for a few minutes but he said nothing in reply to her, giving his identification codes and receiving permission to land. As they drew nearer to the planet, she began to see more signs of life. Star destroyers orbited the world and smaller vessels flew between them and around the planet. The atmosphere of the planet was thinner than most habitable worlds and so the landing was not as rough. 

As the hatch opened and they stepped out, she could not help but notice that the planet was just as ugly on the ground as it wa from space. It was a barren world with orange soil and a terracotta-colored sky. The landing pad was on the edge of the ‘city’ area they’d been directed to so she had a full view of the rocky canyons that dotted the ground for as far as the eye could see.

She was paying more attention to the landscape than most anything else. At least she  _ was  _ until a troop of around a dozen black-clad men and women came out to meet them. They stood around ten meters from the ship and Rey halted her own movement, her eyes on them.

She stepped to the side and allowed Kylo Ren to go in front of her.

His head tilted as he looked out at them. “It’s nice to know that I’ve been missed.”

One of them stepped out front the line. “Kylo Ren. You have been absent from your position of leadership, however the supreme leader would not appoint another unless you had been defeated. I Huthtar Ren challenge you for mastery of the Knights of Ren.”

He looked at the other knight for a few seconds. “I will only allow for a challenge if the challenger can defeat my protege.”

They all looked towards Rey now. She kept herself from flinching in the face of the dark masks that bore down on her. Huthtar tilted his head before looking back towards Kylo. “Is that what you’ve been doing all this time? Shirking your duties to train an apprentice?”

Kylo’s voice was cold and disinterested. “My decisions are none of your concern,  _ knight.  _ You will fight her or  _ you will get out of our way. _ ”

Huthtar stepped forward again and drew out his lightsaber. He powered it on and Rey walked back so she was in front of her  _ master _ again, drawing her staff saber. She held it in front of her and it came to life. The white blades stood out in stark contrast the dark clothing she wore. She and Huthtar stood still while Kylo and the other knights stepped away from the oncoming battle.

But she and everyone else heard him say to her. “Be quick about it. We need to see the Supreme Leader.”

Rey nodded even as she heard the scoffs of the other nights.  She could see officers and pilots of the First Order watching them from a distance. They might not know exactly what was going on, but a fight was a fight and when it involved lightsabers, it was always one to be remembered.

Neither moved for a while, the only change coming when the wind blew their clothing, making it flutter in the wind. She couldn’t see his face so she didn’t know what he was thinking, but she smiled pleasantly before her empty hand opened at her side. Her fingers spread as she took hold of the threads of the force that surrounded the knight.

He had no chance to react before she yanked at them suddenly and he was flying toward her. It was a fraction of a second before her saber came around and decapitated the man.

The body fell to the ground in a heap, and blood began to pool around what was left of Huthtar Ren. She powered down her staff and bent down to pick up the fallen knight’s lightsaber. She stepped over the body without acknowledgement and walked slowly back to Kylo Ren.

She felt disgusted with herself but they couldn’t afford to waste time on this distraction. The longer they took to act, the more likely it was that things could go wrong. She stood before Kylo Ren and held out the saber to him and bowed her head slightly. “Master.”

He took it from her and looked it over before turning back to the other knights. “Would anyone else like to give it a try?”

None stepped forward. He nodded before turning back to her. “Come, apprentice.”

She inclined her head and followed him towards the city. The people around the landing zone gave them a wide berth and she felt all their eyes on her, wondering who she was and how she had cut down a knight in only seconds.

Kylo was gratified that he wore his mask so no one was able to see his own shock at how quickly she’d taken Huthtar out. But it had been effective none the less and now, rather than wasting time with weak challengers, they were already on their way to see Snoke. She followed behind him dutifully and he couldn’t help tightening his grip on the red saber she’d given to him.

He would keep it as a trophy. For himself and for her.

A transport vessel was waiting for them when they left the landing zone. It would carry he and Rey to the palace for an audience with Snoke. He gazed out of the window as they flew through the military complex and city. Nothing had changed in the year that he’d been away and he still hated the planet. Spending so much time on Takodana had given him an appreciation for the more lush worlds that were found around the galaxy.

When Snoke was dead, he intended to create a new capital. No longer would the First Order be tied down to the legends of the Sith and the Jedi. There would be a new order. A new empire. Rey was looking at the landscape as they passed and she seemed fairly unimpressed. When he built a new palace on a lush world, he would build something that she would marvel at.

He released the thoughts quickly. In a place so saturated with force-users, stray thoughts could get you killed. They landed and the pair of them walked out and stood before the palace steps.

The palace was more of a partially restored ruin from the days long lost of the Sith. Back when there had been more than two at any given time. But the wars fought between themselves had almost leveled it over a millenia ago. Snoke had been restoring it since taking power, draining resources and money to painstakingly recreating the grandeur that had been there long ago.

Kylo hadn’t seen the worth in such a measure and he still didn’t. The complex was massive and would take decades for artisans to repaint the frescos and sculptors to repair and replace the statues. Many of the walls were still in a state of perpetual disrepair.

He shook his head in mild disgust before continuing on, leading Rey up the steps and into the palace. Knights and officers who roamed the halls stopped and bowed before them as they moved deeper into the depths of the citadel. He felt that Snoke was waiting for him and picked up his stride the tiniest bit.

They came to a set of double doors and the guards opened them, allowing he and his companion access. Together they stepped inside the dark and gloomy room. The doors shut behind them and they were alone. The throne room, like most other places, still showed that it was under construction and looked the same as it had the year before.

He didn’t see Snoke but he heard the man’s voice in the din. “Kylo Ren. You have finally decided to return to me.”

Kylo came further in and allowed his eyes to adjust to the low lighting as he bowed low. “I did not wish to stay away longer than necessary but in order to bring you the best warrior, I needed to use a more delicate touch.”

There was silence for a few minutes before Snoke responded. “Yes, I heard about the...display your apprentice conducted on the landing pad. Quite  _ impressive _ .”

At this, the man stepped into the light and Kylo could finally make out the skeletal scarred body of the supreme leader. He was still of a monstrous height, over two meters, but nothing like the hologram giant he insisted on using.

There was such little substance to his form that it seemed as though a strong wind would blow him from his feet and he moved in complete silence around he and Rey. “I can feel the force around you...around both of you. The connection you share is...a sacred bond.” He turned to Kylo. “I had not thought you capable of such...vulnerability.”

Kylo took in a sharp breath. “I do not see any weakness in my bond with my apprentice. She will help us to do great things, supreme leader. You have always encouraged liaisons between knights. I would simply limit mine to her.”

Snoke smiled indulgently and snorted. “You are correct, my knight. And of any choice, she would be the best. Come, girl. I would have a better look at you.”

She looked over at Kylo, who nodded, and then moved forward to stand before the tall alien. Rey wasn’t short for a female but she was still almost a half meter shorter than Snoke. She looked up at him as his bony hands came around her face and he brushed them through her hair. He could not help but notice that Snoke’s thumb also rubbed over the skin of her cheek.

Kylo felt his eye twitch at the almost intimate gesture. He’d never seen the supreme leader act in such a manner before. And slowly Rey’s body slackened. She no longer stood straight up but almost seemed to lean into the touch of the creature before her.

Snoke looked up from his examination of his scavenger. “Is something the matter, Kylo Ren?”

“Of course not, Supreme Leader.”

“That’s good to hear because it has occurred to me that I would like to take her as my own apprentice.”

Kylo felt his jaw drop behind his mask. “Master, I…Why?”

Snoke’s voice was mockingly gentle. “It’s not that I doubt your capabilities, Kylo, but your conviction is lacking when it comes to this girl. You chose a force-bond that could be your undoing if not handled properly. And you’ve diminished both yours and her potential by limiting future partners and alliances. I will not remove her from your care but her instruction will no longer be your concern.”

“But I can handle her-”

The supreme leader’s tone took a sharp edge. “Are you questioning my decision?”

Kylo bit his lip. “No. I...Of course not.”

“Good, because there is one final task she must complete before becoming one of my knights.”

Snoke looked out towards the doors and they opened again. Kylo looked over and saw two storm troopers dragging an unmoving man into the room. They shoved him down and Kylo found that he wasn’t unconscious as he’d previously thought. But he had been beaten badly.His eyes narrowed as he took in the familiar appearance. 

FN-2187

_ Now, how had he gotten there? _

Snoke spoke to the guards. “Leave us and do not return unless I call you.” The troopers left and the door closed again. He turned back to Kylo. “We caught this traitor scouting our space yesterday. His mind was an open book, as were the secrets he held about you, Kylo Ren. You ran quite close to the resistance and yet you brought none of the intelligence back to me that you should have.”

It was a line of questioning he hadn’t expected though in hindsight, he should have. “Nothing that I could have gleaned from him would have been any different than what your spies would tell you.”

Snoke looked doubtful but only said, “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. This one has outlived his usefulness.”

Through all of this Rey had not moved or said anything as Snoke continued to subtly stroke those long bone white fingers over her scalp and it made Kylo’s skin crawl. But he could do nothing. Not yet. Something was wrong with her.

Snoke turned her almost like she was a stuffed toy and her head was tilted over to the side slightly as if she was unable to hold the weight of her own head up straight anymore. Her eyes were glassy and vacant and Kylo grimaced as he recognized the expression. This was not in the plan…

Finn finally looked up and seemed to only then realize that he was somewhere else. He looked at Snoke and then Kylo before his eyes finally landed on Rey.

“Rey…”

But she didn’t answer him. Of course she wouldn't. The trance Snoke had her under would keep her from exercising any kind of free will. Kylo had seen men murder their own wives and children while under the spell of the supreme leader. That sort of display was a favorite of his with prisoners of war.

Pale fingers curled around her shoulders, engulfing the upper portion of her chest and Snoke’s voice was a quiet whisper. “Now, my girl...Prove your loyalty to me and to the First Order. Kill this traitor.”

She nodded and stepped forward, her hand coming to her side and pulling the staff saber from her belt.

The bright white light of it filled the cavernous throne room like a beacon in the darkness. It only emphasized the shadows and lack of emotion on her face. He watched as she sedately walked forward and Kylo felt like a stone had been dropped into the pit of his stomach. 

If she killed Finn, her first friend and one of the most precious people to her, she would never forgive him. Never mind staying with him to rule an empire, she would tear everything down in her wake if she was the cause of the ex-trooper’s death. More specifically, if Kylo Ren and his plans were the cause.

She stopped in front of the kneeling man but seemed unaware of the pleading he was directing at her. Kylo sent thoughts of pleading and screamed within her mind for her to snap out of it. But nothing he did would break through the hold that Snoke had over her. She raised her staff and he could do nothing but watch. Until he couldn’t anymore.

His eyes closed and time slowed down as the white light staff came down with the intent to end another life. Kylo’s fist clenched before he launched himself in front of her, brandishing his cross-guard saber and halting her attack.

The room was still and quiet as all who stood there processed what had just happened. Kylo Ren had just saved the traitorous storm trooper’s life.

Snoke’s voice was soft. “Now isn’t that interesting.”

Kylo force-pushed Rey away from the bleeding man on the ground and she staggered back but stayed standing.

She went to approach again but Snoke put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. “You’ve disappointed me, Kylo Ren. I had great hopes for you. A great destiny in mind. You were to be my heir. I’d have even let you keep this girl, marry her if you still clung to that antiquated custom. But this…” The scarred man sighed almost theatrically. “Well, at least you’ve brought me a replacement.” His voice lowered. “Rey, kill him.”

Her tilted head suddenly straightened and she flung herself at him. Kylo swung his saber out and they began their dance of death.  The last time they’d fought, her movements had been haphazard and full of anger. But she was now moving with cold efficiency, dealing out maximum damage and he had to move far more swiftly than before as he dodged her thrusts.

He gritted his teeth as she came down upon him and sparks flew as their lightsabers hit. She didn’t even look winded as she pushed at him. “Shit…”

Rey shoved him back and then force pushed him to the side, kicking him in the chest. He landed hard on the tile floor. She walked towards him, letting her saber dig careless gouges in the floor.

The knight looked up at her as she came closer and he shook his head, trying to figure out what to do. How to break Snoke’s hold over her or at least incapacitate her somehow and escape, preferably with her slung over his shoulder.

He quickly got back up and pulled out Huthtar’s lightsaber. Her eyes looked him over before she split her own saber into two. This time, he came at her and the two fought at a breakneck speed across the room until she knocked the second saber from his hand. Reflexively he used his free hand to push her back.

She slid over the floor—managing to stay upright—but came right back at him. This time he was able to grab hold of her and block her swing before knocking a saber from her hand as well. She feinted to the side and lunged, intent on stabbing him through the chest. He stepped to the side, and took hold of her arm and then slammed her on to the ground. Kylo quickly grabbed her wrist and smashed it into the ground multiple times until her knuckles bled and she released the other saber.

He looked down at her and as she struggled mindlessly against him, trying to free herself. He clenched his teeth and then released her wrist so he could put his palm over her forehead and enter her mind.

The knight heard her let out a choked yell but he’d closed his eyes in concentration. He forcefully entered her mind, expecting to find a wall or a forest or some obstruction that prevented him from getting to her. But there was nothing. Only sand and sky for as far as he could see.

He felt Snoke’s presence as if his very being was a stench that pervaded her mind. It disgusted him and he allowed a grimace to form over his teeth as he thought that perhaps this is what she felt when Kylo himself had invaded her mind all those months ago.

Kylo walked for what felt like miles calling her name but the landscape never changed and he never heard her call back. Was she lost to him? His lips trembled as he fought to overcome the feelings of failure. That he’d lead her to this. She would be Snoke’s slave as he’d been.

He fell to his knees and his voice was short and fast as he began to beat on the ground only for his fists to sink into it. His frustration and pain mounted and seized his chest, and he felt something he’d not felt in so long. A tear slipped out against his will and he felt it trail down his cheek as he leaned his forehead against the ever-shifting sand.

“Rey, you can’t leave me. You...I...you’re everything to me.”

Kylo Ren felt the tear fall onto the ground. Suddenly there was a burning coming from beneath his face. The liquid was burning through the ground and he backed away lest he be swallowed by it. The sand began to fall into itself and crumble. But that meant nothing because he... _ felt her _ . She was there!

He fell back to his knees and dug his fingers into the melting sand. The burning of the sinkhole blackened his fingertips but he didn’t care, he had to find her. He dug and dug until his his hands were barely more than blistered masses of singed flesh and bone but through all that  he felt it. The barest brush of skin. Kylo panted and reached further and grasped a hand. Her hand! She was there. He pulled with all his strength and nearly fell back as she was freed from the grave that had been made of her mind.

Kylo ooked at her and wiped her face but she wasn’t breathing. He held her to him and buried his face into her neck.

“Kai…”

He looked down and saw her, her eyes barely open as she gazed at him.

“I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

The vision had seemed like hours but he was sure it was only seconds in reality as he came out of it and saw Snoke striding towards them, lightsaber in hand. Kylo gently put Rey on the ground and got up, his own lightsaber powering up. He looked over and saw Finn making his way over to where Rey was still sprawled out. He would take care of her.

Kylo removed his mask and dropped it onto the ground. “I mean to end this, Snoke.”

The supreme leader chuckled. “You would not be the first of my knights to try and I know you will not be the last but I’ll make a  _ lasting _ example of you. It is said that those with a force-bond can feel the other’s pain. Perhaps I’ll make you watch as I let every storm trooper on the base have a turn with her before letting them have a turn with  _ you. _ I will break your body; your  _ mind  _ and then I’ll break hers and after you’re dead, she’ll be nothing but an empty vessel for the next generation of knights.”

Kylo struggled to keep his rage from consuming him. It would only make him sloppy so he only growled out. “I am stronger than you.”

Snoke chuckled. “Of that, I have little doubt but do you have to fortitude to do what needs to be done?”

Kylo remembered killing his father as he looked up at the twisted former sith lord. He remembered committing the sin that he would never be forgiven for on the promise that his pain would end. But it was a lie just as Snoke had always lied. He pulled upon the feelings of betrayal and anger and he came at Snoke, striking out with a yell. The scarred creature blocked him and he swung again. He came close so many times to ending the creature’s life, but his blade moved slightly with every hit, allowing Snoke to escape his fate again and again. He cursed his own stupidity as a youth.

The supreme leader chuckled at him as he delivered a graze to Kylo’s arm that seared through his skin. “Still the failure you’ve always been, Kylo Ren.”

Snoke stabbed at him and caught Kylo to the side, forcing the man back. He stumbled as he felt blood gush from the wound. He fell to the ground, gasping in pain and his hand came up to try and stop the bleeding. It wasn’t bad but it had brought him low and he could only look on as Snoke raised his own blade, preparing to kill him.

Kylo closed his eyes and prepared for the end. Seconds later, he head the sound of metal hitting the floor and he opened them again and saw a white blade protruding from Snoke’s chest. He scrambled back and managed to get back to his feet and the white blade was pulled out. Snoke staggered forward and turned to face his attacker. 

Rey stood behind him, her face a mask of fury.

The supreme leader managed to hit a wall before falling to the floor. Snoke looked up at her, a sneer twisting his features. “How long did it take for him to twist your mind to suit his needs?”

Rey walked slowly towards him. “My thoughts are my own.”

The supreme leader snorted. “Oh child, they’ve not been yours for quite some time.”

Suddenly, the ground shook and Kylo looked around in bewilderment. The throne room had no windows to the outside, and the doors and thick walls made the room sound proof. He had no idea what was going on and that was never a situation that he liked to find himself in. 

He called to her. “Rey! End it!”

She nodded and came to stop before the crumpled form and the creature saw its death in her face. 

He could not escape but he would never stop his manipulations. “He will discard you now that you’ve served our purpose. You are a weakness and he will kill you just as he did his father. You mean  _ nothing _ to him.”

Kylo watched as her lips trembled but she said nothing in response as she brought the saber down and ended Snoke’s life. Kylo looked on and wondered that he felt nothing at the death of his mentor. Not joy, nor sadness. He merely felt...at peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::breathes:: One more chapter guys and that's the end of this fic. I probably could have cut this chapter in half as it's just under 4500 words in length but there wasn't a really good place to do that so I left it as-is. I'm assuming that's alright with ya'll. Anyway, the last chapter will be out tomorrow and then I'll be taking a break for a few days to maybe a week as I work on the outlines for two other fics that are also set in this universe.
> 
> If you'd like to know what has been going on with Hux and Phasma, go and subscribe to 'Her Armor was as Jewels' on my author page. That fic is currently a one-shot but I am working on the outline to expand it into a short story. There will also be a Poe/Finn fic called Disguised Reality that will explain some of the things that happens in the last chapter. Both of these and the sequel will be included in the 'Creatures behind Masks' series. :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The end is here. I've had a great time writing this and getting to interact with so many of you. I never fancied myself to be a terribly good writer but it's been such a pleasure to post this and I somehow managed to update pretty much everyday for 22 days and end up with 60k of words. I really can't believe I actually finished this fic. But it's done.
> 
> I want to, again, thank my beta, Sarah(aka Firelord65) for editing these chapters and helping me to make them the best possible versions of themselves. This fic would not be what it is without her.

The ground shook again and Rey stumbled a bit as she ran back to Finn’s side. He was in bad shape and she looked him over. “How did you even get here, Finn?”

The ex-trooper shook his head. “That’s kind of a long story. And if we survive this, I’ll tell you all about it.”

She raised a brow but nodded and helped him to stand up. He leaned fairly heavily on her and she struggled for a second to maintain her balance. Kylo was looking around at the roof of the throne room as bits of dust and rocks had begun to fall onto the floor.

Rey eyed a particularly large piece that had fallen about ten meters from where she was. She turned back to Kylo. “What’s going on?”

Kylo himself looked alarmed which wasn’t an expression she was used to and it put her on edge. She tried to ignore that he deliberately kept his voice even. “I don’t know. It sounds like explosions.”

Finn interjected. “It’s the resistance, I know it. They’ve been building up their fleet to attack but the higher ups never said when they’d do it.”

She nodded and helped helped Finn limp to the door. She couldn’t help noticing that Kylo was clutching his side but the wound didn’t seem too bad. The doors were heavy and Snoke had locked them. They struggled with the large and heavy bolt before getting it clear and pulling the door open. As it swung open on silent hinges, another explosion rocked the complex and the ground shook again.

Kylo turned to them. “We have to get back to our ship before the whole place comes down.”

Rey nodded and and Kylo looked at her for a second before coming and putting Finn’s other arm over his own shoulders. Between the pair of them, it was easier to move the injured ex-trooper and anyone who tried to stop them was summarily dismissed from the living by Kylo. Rey couldn’t help gasping every time a new crack spread across the walls like spider webs with each new explosion. She felt Kylo send feelings of reassurance to her.

_ We’ll make it… _

She kept that mantra going again and again through her head, and they didn’t stop until they finally saw the sunlight and exited the ancient building. She looked all around and her eyes widened at the sight.

There was a massive aerial firefight above them and shots rained down everywhere, blowing the already fragile and crumbling ruins to bits. The screech of tie-fighters and x-wings as they fought each other filled her senses and she looked down to catch her breath. Rey blinked several times before calming herself. They were going to make it. She looked around and her eyes alighted when she spotted the light transport ship in the distance.

Rey pointed towards it. “There! That ship! If we stay low, we might make it back to the landing pad without drawing attention!”

Kylo looked towards it before nodding and the trio made their way to the ship as quickly as possible. It was a small transport vessel; only a two-seater but that was perfect. The smaller it was, the less likely they were to be spotted. Rey helped Finn into one of the seats and then slid into the pilot’s chair. Kylo got the hatch closed and she took off into the sky. She kept to her plan to stay low and maneuvered the craft through the buildings, barely thirty meters above the ground. The ship wasn’t built to go into space but it was fast on the surface and not bogged down with the weight of a hyperdrive engine. A few resistance fighters fired on them but the swiftly moving transport was easily able to dodge and move away.

They eventually made it to the landing pad and Rey’s jaw dropped as she looked out over the destruction. Kylo opened the hatch before she could say anything. The entire base had been wiped out. Burning, blackened holes and the smoking wreckage of dozens of tie fighters made up the vast majority of the landing pad now.

Kylo didn’t say anything but she could hear the string of expletives coursing through his mind. She ignored all that, however and her eyes darted around as she reached out into the force. 

After a few seconds, she pointed to a hanger towards the end of the pad. “Our ship is in there.”

He looked down at her. “How do you know?”

She grimaced. “I can feel my red crystal.”

He eyed her but nodded and they went back into the ship and retrieved Finn. Bodies were strewn everywhere and it appeared the landing pad had been one of the hardest hit areas. They picked their way through the wreckage and occasionally crouched low when an x-wing flew overhead. It took another ten minutes before they finally reached the hanger. Rey breathed a sigh of relief that it was mostly untouched.

Their ship had sustained little damage. One of the landing feet had been blown off so it sat at an angle, but she was sure it would still fly and they boarded the ship. There were no other seats in the cockpit besides the pilot and co-pilot so she helped Finn to sit in one of the chairs in the hallway.

Kylo was already at the controls when she got to the cockpit and slid into her seat. The ship hovered a bit as it righted itself and they looked outside into the sky beyond the hangar which had mostly shielded the ship. Very few of the X-wings still came over the smoking landing pad but they were out there.

Her voice was quiet. “We should stay low until we’re away from here and then leave the planet.”

He nodded and licked his lips, and they slowly flew out from the hanger. Kylo kept the ship as low as he dared and the ship swung hard around the canyons that dotted the landscape. She breathed a sigh of relief as he began the ascent into the atmosphere. The clouds cleared away, giving way to the blackness of space and the twinkling of the stars. 

Kylo began to enter in a code. “Preparing to go to hyperspa-”

The ship lurched to the side as they were hit. She looked at the readouts. “Cargo bay has lost atmosphere. Closing hatches! Get us out here!”

Kylo gritted his teeth, putting the ship thrusters on max as they sped away from the two x-wings that were firing on them.

Rey opened a frequency. “Resistance pilots! Hold your fire! There are allies on board!”

She received no response so she tried again on another frequency, still getting nothing. She shook her head as she looked over at Kylo who was doing his best to keep the ship in one piece.

Finn’s voice sounded behind her as he limped in. “Don’t bother. The general has your ship code categorized as an enemy combatant. They won’t believe you.”

Rey opened and closed her mouth several times before answering incredulously. “What? It’s not bad enough that she already tried to kill us once?”

Finn shook his head and the ship lurched slightly again as blaster fire grazed the side of the ship. “Let me sit there. I might be able to call for help.”

Her brows knitted but she got up and let the injured man sit in her seat. She held on behind him as he entered in a series of codes into the communications bay before speaking into the microphone. “Poe? Poe, if you’re there, please respond.”

It was silent for a few seconds before an excited voice carried through the cockpit. “Finn? Finn! Oh my stars, you’re alive!”

Rey smiled as Finn’s eyes slid shut before he answered. “Not for much longer! I’ve got two x-wings trying to shoot me out of the sky!”

Poe’s voice was frantic. “Where are you? Give me your coordinates!”

He sent them and Kylo continued to keep them from being hit by blaster fire while they waited for a response.

Suddenly Poe’s ship came over the frequency. “Black 6! Red 9! Cease fire on that vessel, there are friendlies aboard!”

A woman’s voice responded. “Their codes match an enemy vessel.”

“Our operatives on the ground are using it to escape. Cease Fire.”

There was a long pause but the ships stopped firing. “You got it Poe.”

The x-wings broke off and headed back to the fire fight. Rey let out the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding, and Kylo began entering in their jump coordinates.

Finn turned to the other man. “Send those to my console so I can send them to him.”

Kylo looked up from his console. “He’s resistance!”

Finn’s voice was almost a hiss. “He just saved us from being blasted into dust. Give me the damn codes! Now!”

Kylo’s eye twitched before he looked over at Rey. She nodded in agreement. He grimaced but sent them over. Both ships jumped to hyper-space and the cockpit was quiet as the passengers silently processed what they’d all just gone through. It was over quickly as they dropped from hyper-space, coming around a rather barren looking world.

Rey didn’t recognize it until they entered the atmosphere and she clenched her jaw. It was the planet where she’d mowed down a forest only a day ago. She shook her head, brushing the thought aside. They had more important things to deal with right now.

They landed and she could see Poe’s x-wing beside them. Finn seemed in more of a hurry than she’d expected so she quickly helped him out of the chair. Kylo opened the hatch to let them go first. As they reached the ground, she saw Poe hopping out of the x-wing and running towards them. She instinctively backed up as the two men embraced. That was...more than she was expecting.

Her eyes nearly bugged out when Poe held Finn’s face in his hand before kissing him. deeply. Her jaw dropped and she looked up at Kylo for want of anywhere else to look, but he only seemed amused by the spectacle presented to them.

Poe pulled away first, but he kept their foreheads touching and his arms around Finn. His voice held so much anguish. “I thought you were dead...”

Finn smiled sadly. “I’m alright. Just a little banged up. Could have been a lot worse.”

At this Poe finally looked up and spotted Rey and Kylo. His brow furrowed for a minute before he scowled and reached down to unholster his blaster.

Finn quickly stopped him and pulled Poe back. “Poe, don’t! He just saved my life. I’d rather you didn’t shoot him.”

Poe’s eyes narrowed and he couldn’t keep the disgusted look off his face, but he nodded anyway, putting the blaster away. He turned back to Rey. “So what do we do now?”

Kylo crossed his arms and answered for her. “You two can do whatever you please. Rey and I will be heading back to First Order territory to gather resources.”

Rey closed her eyes. “‘Rey’ will not be doing anything of the sort.”

He looked down at her, his eyes furious and he opened his mouth to respond. Before he could, they were interrupted by the roar of an incoming ship. She looked up and recognized it as the winged vessel she’s seen Kylo use long ago.

Poe spoke. “He lead us into a trap?”

Rey didn’t need to see Kylo to know he was rolling his eyes. “Of course not,  _ idiot. _ ”

Kylo looked up to see his private command shuttle coming in for a landing, its great wings coming up to stand vertically as it hit the ground. The Upsilon-class ship was one of a kind and he grimaced at the thought that another had been using it while he’d been away.

Steam poured from its vents as the ramp came down and storm troopers exited and lined up. A few seconds passed before the person who’d commandeered Kylo’s ship made himself known. The black-clad person was followed closely by a statuesque figure arrayed in the polished finish of chrome armor.

Kylo smirked. “Hux. I’m not surprised you survived the battle.”

General Hux raised a brow as he and Phasma came closer until only a few meters separated their groups. “And I’m not surprised that you finally succeeded in killing the supreme leader.”

Kylo’s chin came up an inch. “So what if I did. You and I have both known for sometime that he needed to be removed from power.”

Hux’s head tilted and he pursed his lips. “What exactly did you plan to do after killing him?” Kylo’s eye twitched and Hux smiled before continuing. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now. As it is, the remainder of the fleet is regrouping and I’m here to bring you to the rendezvous point.”

Kylo raised a brow. “And  _ why  _ would you do that?”

Hux looked like he’d rather suck on a lemon than say his next words. “The knights are  _ volatile  _ even on the best of days. Violent and emotional creatures, really. But they are effective at maintaining order within our organization. However, they need a master to function or they will kill each other and everyone around them. Snoke has kept them in line, but without him or you they will seek to remove anyone they see as a threat to their power. A few of them are already causing damage to many of the ships and personnel, trying to consolidate their position. If there isn’t already, there will be chaos. And I’ve worked too hard to let everything fall apart now.”

Kylo’s mouth twisted. Everything Hux said was true. Moreover, he’d intended to instruct the knights in this new way of the force. Using both the light and the dark in harmony and balance. For too long, he and the others had allowed the darkness to eat away at their sanity and had given up control of their lives to Snoke in exchange for power. But it had all been an illusion. A pretty picture painted before them that was nothing but a lie. 

The death of Snoke would free them to a certain extent. Though, they needed to regain control of themselves before he could trust them to make the more important decisions that would come later. If Hux was to be believed—and unfortunately Kylo did—the knights had degenerated down to their more basic instincts as they clawed their way through each other in their thirst for power. By Kylo Ren would show them a different path. The one he now walked. Perhaps that would help to curb some of the more _ destructive _ impulses. 

He nodded to Hux and turned to Rey. “Come. We’re leaving.”

Kylo took her hand and began to follow the general back to the ship but he was brought up short with a jarring motion. Or perhaps more specifically, the  _ lack of motion _ . He looked back and found that she hadn’t moved.

The knight halted and turned fully around as his eyes traveled from her face to their joined hands. She wasn’t clutching him as she used to, her fingers not entwined with his. He swallowed. “Rey.  _ We’re leaving _ .”

“I’m not.” her voice was soft as she met his eyes.

Hux’s voice called back. “Problem, Ren?”

His words were clipped but his eyes never left hers. “I will join you in a minute.”

He heard Hux chuckle but thankfully—for Hux’s sake—the man walked away. Kylo whispered to Rey, “Please. I can’t do this without you.”

She bit her lip before responding. “Of course you can. You’re stronger than you realize. And I...I need to be alone for a while.”

His head was already shaking in denial of her words. “I’ll make up for what I’ve done. I promise. Everything you’ve ever wanted will be yours. Just come with me.”

She looked away for the first time. “No. What you did to me...it changed me. I was going crazy and I was...in love...and it all almost destroyed me. I need to not be that person for a while. I need to just be Rey.”

He...He could work with that. “How much time do you need? A month? A year? I can give you that. I’ll come to you then.”

She swallowed but still would not look at him. “No-I...Kylo.” She seemed to steel her nerves, and he knew he would not like what she said next. “When you’ve brought peace to your new empire. When there’s no more war, I’ll return to you.”

His jaw trembled as he processed her words. They both knew that could take years, perhaps decades. The wound in his side felt like nothing compared the pain that was radiating through him.

“Rey...I don’t want to do this if you’re not there.”

She smiled but her eyes were watery. “You have to. This was always going to be the outcome. You need to return to the First Order and make things right there. You wanted to bring peace to the galaxy. Prove to me and everyone that you can.”

He blinked rapidly and a tear fell. This couldn’t be happening. Not after all he’d done. All he’d endured. He  _ deserved _ her. Kylo questioned his own ability to love but he knew he could learn to. She had loved him before and he’d missed his chance to revel in it. And now it wasn’t her love that he felt but her pain. He experienced it as though it was his and it  _ ached _ within him. Why...why couldn’t she just let them be happy. She would forgive him one day so why waste the time?

She pulled him close and whispered. “Because I need to find where you end and I begin, Kylo. How can I love you as myself if I can’t figure out which part of me is the part that loves you?”

His words were desperate. “Why does it matter? I don’t care about that.”

She laughed sadly. “But I do.”

It felt like the end, like he’d never see her again but that was a notion he couldn’t bear to contemplate. Her touch was soft as she reached out and wiped the tear from his cheek. She held her hand there for a few seconds before letting it fall back to her side. 

He passed along one more request to her and she nodded, smiling. His fingers came up and framed her face, and he leaned down and kissed her one last time. She didn’t hold him as he’d always wanted her to, but she let him kiss her for as long as he wanted to. It still wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. They pulled away but he embraced her and held her close.

His voice was almost broken as he whispered what he knew she wanted to hear. “I’ll do it. I’ll bring an end to the war. I’ll create a new empire and the galaxy will be at peace. And I’ll wait for you.”

Rey nodded and he stepped away, releasing her. He gave her one last lingering look before turning and walking towards the ship. The pain he felt was not only his own heart breaking but hers as well. Kylo could not stop his hand from reaching up and digging his fingers into the cloth over his heart.

He stepped onto the ramp and the troopers all marched back inside. The last he saw of Rey was her standing there with Poe and Finn, with her own hand clutching at her chest.

He’d finish what he started.

And then he’d come for her.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. I know it's not the sex scene that a lot of people wanted but it just wasn't right for the characters to embark on that kind of relationship yet. Not after all they'd been through. The sequel will be taking place a few years into the future and Rey will have had a chance to move on a bit and put the trauma she experienced behind her. But it will be a couple of weeks before the sequel is posted.
> 
> I am currently finishing the outlines for the Poe/Finn fic, Disguised Reality and the continuation of the Hux/Phasma fic, Her Armor was as Jewels. Both of these take place simultaneously with this story. After that, I will be re-working this fic. To be perfectly honest, the ending that you just read is not the ending I had initially written and the sequel that has come from it is not the sequel that I'd originally intended. As a result some of the things in this fic don't quite line up. Also, I just flat think I can do better, especially with the help of Sarah and Rebel Yell(another great reader who has offered to look over the fic) as well as some of the critiques I received as the story went on. After the re-write is done, I will be posting the sequel.
> 
> If any of these interest you, please consider subscribing to my author page and not just this fic. You can also follow me on Tumblr @ sophiascribbling. I post work updates on there as I move through the writing stages along with a few other bits and bobs.
> 
> I'm sorry to be so long winded but I did want to thank all of you for sticking with me through this fic and your reviews, kudos and views helped to keep me motivated to stick with my goal of a chapter a day. Thank you for your support and I'll see you in the sequel.
> 
> ~Sophie D.


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